A Journey Of A Lifetime
by xtreme-princess101
Summary: It all begins when I meet Adam. I'm going from England to Australia to England  plane transfer  to Canada and to wherever that may take me next! Join me on my journey... see what goes down in my I-Magi-Nation
1. No Thanks, I dont eat shit

Being on a 36 hour flight can make you go insane. This is the second time I've been on a flight for a whole day or more. The first one was when I was 8 years old. I went from my home at heart, England, to what was a new home, but not at heart, Australia. Only this time, I'm heading somewhere really different to that. This time, I'm not trading the life I had in England for Australia, now I'm trading the life I've had in Australia for the past 12 years for a new beginning in Canada. I've already been on a plane for 24 hours and made my way to the next flight… when you have flights this long, who go on two different planes… at least. We landed at Heathrow Airport in London. I'm very glad we landed in London as I got to have my little taste of England once again. I miss that feeling of really being home. Shame I have to leave. Think I'll grab something for the next bit of flying… some good ol' English Cadbury's Milk Chocolate. I really miss this stuff. When I was younger, every birthday, Christmas and Easter that I was in Australia for, my Nan here (UK) would send a huge box. That box would carry 2 HUGE blocks of English Cadbury's Milk Chocolate, along with some crisps my brother and I loved as kids, along with a card each and money. That box was one reason that I loved those holidays and my childhood. Thanks Nan.

I'm now on my second plane. Canada here I come. As I sat down in my chair, I straight away smelt something really bad. Must be the food. Now I'm really happy that I brought my own food… yummy, chocolate. I can smell the rubbish the crew is cooking and it's making me feel really sick inside. Maybe later I'll eat. I can make my stomach wait until the smell of what they call dinner goes away. If I eat this now, I know that the smell will make me sick it back up, it's just not worth it.

20 minutes into flying again, the flight attendant comes over and puts the tray in front of me. I feel my stomach turn. "No thanks, I'm not hungry." She takes it away from me. Thank god.

"I'll take one. I'm starving" the guy next to me says. The flight attendant hands him the tray. I begin to think, "how the fuck can you eat that shit?" He opens the lid on the tray. Inside it looks like dog sick on a plate, and smells even worse. The day before I got on this flight, I made sure that I didn't eat much, that way there would be much in me the sick up. This smell was the reason for doing that. But I am hungry now. I take out my mp3 player and start listening to some good music, try & keep my mind of the smell and my stomach.

I begin to stare out the window… complete darkness… but I still stare. It's moments like this that make me think deeply. I begin to ask myself the why, how, what & where questions.

Why now? Why leave? Why Canada? Why not England? Why not USA? How will you get along? How will you get the money to live? What will you do? What will you have as a job? What will it be like? What will happen if it doesn't go to plan? What if this was the wrong decision? What if nothing goes to plan? Where will you live? That's when the doubt flowed into my mind.

I tried to clear all those doubtful questions out of my head and focus on the positive side of all this. To begin a whole new life, to start over… new job, new country, new life. It then hit me… I'm the only one, I'm doing this on my own, I'm going in this alone… without my friends and family. I begin to think that I should have stayed at the change over. Stay in England. Make a surprise visit to my cousin or something. At least there I wouldn't be the only one. I know no one in Canada, while in England I got my dad's side of the family… the whole lot of them… except for the ones that have died in the past few years… but the rest of them are there. Go visit Jamie or Lewis, maybe Gemma. I haven't seen any of them in years.

Half an hour later of thinking, I smell something… no shit food smell… THANK GOD! I get my chocolate and sweets out of my bag in front of me and start eating. Yummy! I'll get a proper meal after I sleep once I get to my hotel in Toronto, Canada. After 10 minutes of yummy goodness, the guy next to me starts talking to me.

"Hi, I'm Adam, Adam Copeland"


	2. Hi, Im Adam, Adam Copeland

"Hi, I'm Adam, Adam Copeland" he introduces and extends his hand for a hand shake

"Hi, I'm Zoe, Zoe Clarke" I reply and shake his hand. He has a very firm hand shake and sounds Canadian. He also has long blonde hair and, dare I say, a cheeky smile. I feel like I've seen him before, he looks really familiar… oh well. I take my earphones out, it seems like I got a conversation on my hands now.

"So going to Toronto for a holiday?" he asks

"Nah, to live, to start over again" I reply

"Wow, really?"

"Yeah"

"Where you from?"

"England born, Australian resident for 12 years"

"Big change then"

"Yeah… really big change, but I'm up for it"

"Cool, cool… you know, most people chose to go to the States than Canada"

"I know, that's just one reason I choose to start over in Canada"

"Okay then"

I look at him again and think carefully… "I swear I've seen you before Adam… just can't remember where from"

"Really?"

"Yeah, you do… just can't quite put my finger on it"

"Well… what sports you into?" he asks… first clue, he's a sports star

"Well… baseball, NFL, soccer and my all time favourite… wrestling"

"Wrestling ay!"

"Yep…" I then figure out who he is… "I know who you are now"… I smile as I figure it out. I see him smile. Why couldn't I think of it before… it's Edge! Hehehe!

"Hey, just in case, you're not a crazed fan…"

"No, not at all… I see the wrestlers as real people and respect them for the skills and sacrifices they have to make in life to do what you guys do… plus if I was, I would have recognised you straight away"

"Good, because I dealt with too many in the UK over the past week… I mean, I love them, they keep us in the business, if it wasn't for the fans, there would be no wrestling… at all… just, it can get too much sometimes and I enjoy the days I have off where I can go back home and just put me feet up… just as long as I head to the gym at some point"

I laugh slightly

"So, what's Australia like?"

"Hot… too hot for me… during the summer… then chilly but nice in winter"

"So, if you were to recommend a month, or time of year, for the WWF to head down there, when would it be?"

"Umm… probably autumn or spring… when its not too hot but not too cold… either around April time or September time… unless you want it really hot so you nearly have to where sunnies indoors and sticking to the leather sofa… then it's February"

"So, what temperatures are we talking about?"

"Mid-20s are the best… in the summer it gets to 45, which is too hot to do anything"

"Fahrenheit?" he asks looking at me like I'm crazy

"No, Celsius… oh, America and Canada measure in Fahrenheit, not Celsius ay… gonna have to get used to that"

He laughs slightly… "Yeah, you will ay"

We talk for the rest of the flight… which was about 11 or so hours… though we did fall asleep at one point for 5 or so hours… so we talked for what was left of that flight… right? Does that even make sense? Muh… who cares! You get my point!

The plane lands and I look outside… white snow, something I haven't seen in years. I smile slightly. I feel Adam looking over my shoulder and out the window.

"Snow… bet you haven't seen that in a while" he says

"Too long…" I respond whilst staring out the window at the white sheets of paradise on the plane runways

"So, where you staying?" he asks and I can feel him looking at me.

I turn my head and we are face to face. I laugh slightly and get the piece of paper with the hotel details… "Umm, at the Travelodge Toronto"

"Nice… I'm guessing you're just staying there until you find a place to stay for good"

"Yeah… it's all I need… a place with a bed, telly & a roof… along with a little kitchen and bathroom. That's literally all I need"

"If you want, I could give ya a lift there"

"Nah, its fine… I'll get a cab"

"Okay… have it your way"

I laugh slightly to myself and watch the plane come to a stop. It comes to a stop and we are able to get off the plane now. Adam gets up and grabs the bags out from the top baggage cabinet. He passes my bag to me and helps me up. I step in front of him and begin to walk towards the exit, as he follows.

"You're gonna need a jacket" he says

"I know, I have a couple in this bag" I reply

We get off the plane and I go to grab my suitcase. Adam does the same. At the suitcase collection, from the corner of my eye, I can see him looking at me. I smile to myself and grab my suitcase. I walk towards the exit and I have the feeling of being followed. I look behind myself and see Adam with a grin on his face. I laugh and shake my head slightly.

Outside I spot a cab coming in to a stop and I call it. The trunk opens and I put my suitcase and other bag in there. I see Adam watching me and I close the trunk. I walk up to him.

"Stop following me!" I say but laugh slightly looking at the smile on his face.

"I'm not"

"Then what are you doing?"

"Trying to remember where I parked my car"

I open the door of the cab. "Okay then, I might see you around then"

"Yeah, see ya"

I begin to get into the cab

"Hey Zoe, wait"

"Yeah"

"What would you do if I kissed you right now?"

"I don't know, why?"

He smiles and kisses me. I feel his tongue make its way into my mouth and I begin to enjoy it. With my tongue I begin to 'massage' his, and we trade saliva. A minute or so later the kiss ends. He smiles greatly, which makes me smile.

Without a word but the smile on my face I get into the cab and close the door.

"Where to?" the cab driver asks

"Travelodge Toronto Hotel"

"Sure" he says and beings to drive

Adam watches the cab drive away with a smile. Jay (Christian) runs up behind him.

"Ay, who was the girl you were kissing?" Jay asks

"Oh her, that's Zoe… met her on the flight" Adam replies

"Where she from?"

"England born, Australian raised"

"Sweet"

"Yeah… she's great"

"Come on, let's get going… you need some sleep, and I need a drink"

"I slept on the fucking plane"

"And I drunk beer on the plane. That doesn't mean that I don't want or need another drink"

"Fine, fine… I'll drive then"

Jay smiles as they head towards Adam's car.

Meanwhile…

"That was quite a kiss you had" the cab driver states

"Yeah, it was ay" I respond and begin to daydream out the window


	3. I Had fun tonight

20 minutes later I arrive at the hotel. I pay the cab driver and head inside. Inside the hotel lobby, the heaters are on and it is extreme heat compared to outside, where there is a few inches of snow on the ground. I check in and stay in the lobby for a bit before I head up to my room. 5th floor I find my room. I open the door and I see the bed. I look at it like I've just seen heaven on earth. Haven't been able to sleep on a bed in about 2 whole days and the sleep I had got has been bad. I fall onto the bed and start to fall asleep.

A few hours later my room phone rings, which wakes me up. I pick it up.

"Hello?" I say half asleep

"Hello, this is Jackie from the service desk downstairs, you have a phone call on the line, would you like it to be put through to you?"

"Sure, bring it through"

"Okay"

I begin to wait

"Hello, is this Zoe?"

"Yep, yes it is" I reply and yawn

"Hey, it's Adam"

"Oh, hey Adam"

"Hey, I was wondering, if you'd want to go out tomorrow night?"

"Tomorrow… what day is that?"

"Tomorrow is Friday"

"Friday, sure"

"Cool"

"Hey, how'd you get my number?"

"I looked for the hotel number in the phone book and asked for your room"

"Oh, okay then"

"So, I'll pick you up at 7"

"Yeah, yeah"

"I'll see you then"

"Yep, see ya"

"Bye"

I hang up and fall back to sleep.

Adam jumps up and down, saying yes to himself, acting all excited.

"What the fuck are you doing?" Jay says as he walks into the room

"Uhh… nothing" Adam replies, as he stops jumping around

12 hours later and the sun comes up. I get up and close the curtains to get some more sleep.

3 hours later and my stomach rumbles. I decide to get up for some breakfast. After some food gets into me, I grab a nice hot shower. After a long, hot, good shower, I get dressed and head out on the town. Need to buy some stuff & have some fun while at it. 1st stop… need a mobile that works over here. Next stop… food for the next few days. Next stop… stop for a coffee and lunch. Head back to the hotel to put food into cupboards and fridge/freezer. Head back out for some site seeing. Get back in time for a quick bite to eat and to get ready for 7pm.

7pm comes around and I'm watching a bit of Canadian television. Different to what I'm used to watching but still good.

I hear a knock on my hotel room door. I get up and open the door. I see Adam standing on the other side with a smile on his face.

"Hey" I say

"Hey" he replies

I smile and he looks at what I'm wearing. I'm wearing a long, greenish ruffled skirt and a black top.

"Nice"

I laugh slightly… "Thanks"

He smiles more.

"I'll just grab my jacket"

"Sure" he says and waits

I grab my leather jacket and we get going.

He takes me to a restaurant and drives me back to the hotel. He comes up with me to my room. I begin to unlock my door.

"Hey, I had fun tonight" he says

"Me too" I turn and reply

"We should do it again, soon"

"Yeah, I'd like that"

He smiles which makes me smile. "I'll call you"

"Okay" I say and turn to open my door. My door opens and I begin to walk into my room.

"Hey, Zoe"

"Yeah"

"You really do look beautiful tonight"

"Thanks" I say and smile.

I throw my jacket onto the bed. I look back at the door and Adam is just standing there… waiting. I laugh slightly to myself and walk up to him. I look up at him and we both smile.

"Night" he says

"Night" I respond

He leans in for a kiss. We kiss. It was like the one outside the airport… which was… nice. After the kiss I find myself biting my lower lip. He just smiles a cheeky smile.

"See ya" he says

"Yeah, see ya" I say and close my door.  
I slide down the door with a smile. As I sit on the floor against the door, I don't hear footsteps walking away. I start to get confused for my first time in Canada. I just figure that he already went so I got up and started to get undressed. I look back at the door and see something different about the keyhole. I walk towards the door in my bra & skirt and lean down to the keyhole. I see Adam looking in from the other side. I walk back and grab my jacket. I hang it over the door handle.

"Bye Adam"

"Fine, see ya soon"

I hear him walk off and the lift getting to my floor. I hear the lift's doors close and go down.


	4. Cant sleep

I sit on the bed with the television on. I start flickering through the channels to find something good to watch. I find something and I get under the covers. The hours past and I can't sleep. Something just doesn't feel right.

My mobile's screen lights up and it's a message. I see the number of the sender and feel confused. I grab a piece of paper out of my jacket and compare the number to the one that's one my mobile as the sender. They're the same and I smile. Its Adam's number. We traded numbers on our date. I open the message and read it.

"Hey, you asleep yet? I can't sleep so I was wondering if you were still up. Adam"

I smile greatly. "Hey, nah not yet. I can't sleep either. I'm tired, just not sleepy if that makes sense. Zoe" I reply and send

A few minutes later I get a reply from him. "Don't worry, it makes sense to me. I've had that feeling before"

"At least someone understands my mind! Sometimes I don't even understand it"

"Hahahaha… our minds can be a confusing place"

"Ha, yeah, they can ay… * yawn * going to try and get some sleep… talk later, night"

"Alright, night… * yawn * damn you made me yawn by saying yawn… xx"

I read that message and just reply with an "xx".

I lie back on the pillow and stare at the ceiling. Complete darkness. 1 in the morning. Saturday morning. I close my eyes and try to get into the state of sleeping. No good. Guess I'll count sheep… 1, 2, 3, 4… I get to 100 and still can't sleep. I begin to try and figure out what the reason is behind me not being able to sleep. New country maybe… nah, I slept for ages last night, and was the best sleep that I've had for a long time. Maybe it's too much sleep last night… hahahaha, NO! That one is just impossible in my books.

10 guesses later I realize what's been keeping my mind awake tonight… Adam. I mean, it was a great date, wonderful date, and he is just amazing. It feels like he knows me better than I know myself. And, well now, I can't get him off my mind, when I really want to sleep. The way he laughs, the way he smiles, the way he walks, the way he talks. The way he holds me, the way he kisses me, the way he smells, the way he racks his fingers through my hair. The way he stares into my soul. The horrible thing about it is we've only been on one date and we've spent, all up, less than a day together.

Even with knowing what/who is exactly on my mind, I still can't sleep. More hours past with no sleep. Don't think I'm going to get any sleep tonight. Even really late night television won't get me to sleep. I decide at 4 in the morning to go to my last option of falling asleep… warm glass of milk. It's my last option because I HATE milk… unless it's on cereal or in my good hot drinks… tea & hot chocolate… only problem with making those drinks is they both keep me awake, not what I want right now. And I don't like warm milk on cereal… milk must be cold with cereal. Since I'm desperate for sleep, I make myself that horrible glass of warm milk. I drink it down quick to get it over with.

Amazing… 10 minutes later I'm asleep on the bed.


	5. Only a membership

9 in the morning and I wake with a rumbling stomach. I look through the food I brought yesterday and pick out the cereal… cinnamon toast crunch. Haven't tried this one yet… yummy… I like! After a bowl or two of that, I get a quick shower to wake me up… still really tired… then again, only had about 5 hours of sleep last night. All dressed again and have one missed call on my mobile. Could only be one person, since that's the only person who has my number. And what do you know… its Adam alright! If it's important, he'll call back. I look outside and I see white… snow & ice everywhere. Still not used to that view, but I'm getting there.

I go out on the town to really start my new life here… need to find a job, any job, just to get me going. Got little money in my pocket and need more if I want to have fun in this life.

I walk up and down the streets and there's no "help wanted" or "job available" sign on any windows. I then remember that people sometimes advertise jobs in the newspaper. I buy a newspaper and start looking through it. Nothing… just about all of them wanting males or special qualifications. Damn! Not for me then.

The last job I had was for a year or so at a local pub, serving drinks to everyone. That was a nice job… well the nicest one I've had in my life. Hmmm… I didn't pass a pub, must find one. Having a license to serve alcoholic drinks to people is one of the only qualifications that I have. My first job after leaving school was match-making. It bored the heck out of me because I never wanted an office type job. It's why I loved working at the pub. The match-making job gave me a lot of money though, which was probably the only good thing about it. It gave me more than enough to get over here & start the life. So my qualifications are completing year 12, an alcohol license & match-making experience. Great, where's that going to get me over here?

I head back to the hotel and look through the business phone book. Need to find a really good gym to keep me occupied until I find a job… then hopefully continue going to the gym once with a job.

I find a few and see if I need to pay membership fees and how much they are. Most of them are really reasonable prices, one of those isn't too far from the hotel. That's really good for me. Since I have nothing else to do, I head down to check the gym out.

I get to the gym and there's a lot of good, quality equipment. I see the front desk and walk up to it.

"Can I help you?"

"I'd like to get a membership for this gym"

"For how long?"

"Uhh… 6 months"

"Yep, would you like to be using the ring out back?"

"What ring?"

"The wrestling and boxing rings"

"Wait just a second" I say and run near the back of the gym. I see 4 wrestling/boxing rings and I feel my jaw drop. "Oh my god, wow" I say to myself. I run back to the desk. "Yep, I will be" I tell him with a grin on my face

"Awesome… so per month it is $50, which includes the ring access, so that adds up to… $300"

I go through my bag into my purse. I pull out 3 $100 notes and pay for the months. He gives me a card to say that I'm now a member of that gym and tells me to enjoy myself. I smile and walk towards some of the gym equipment, thinking which one to use. Think I'll start with an easy one. So I take off my t-shirt so I'm in my sports bra I start the treadmill up. I get on with a slow jog. The jog soon turned into a run then full on sprinting.

Adam and Jay walk in with Terry (Rhino) and Chris all to use the rings out back. Adam stops for a few seconds, looking at the girl running on one of the treadmills. He looks at her with a confused look on his face. He can only see the back of her, but feels like he's seen it all before.

"What ya looking at?" Terry asks

"Nothing, I just feel like I've seen her before" Adam replies

"She's a nice ass… now come on… our flight is tomorrow and we gotta train" Chris interrupts

"Fine, coming" Terry says and makes his way to the back

"Yeah, yeah" Adam say still staring and thinking

A few seconds pass and Chris starts to get frustrated… "Adam!"

Adam looks at him and smiles… "Yeah… fine, coming"

They walk into the back

As they walk into the back, I look over my shoulder, thinking I heard Adam. There's no one there.

"Oh well" I say to myself and continue on the treadmill


	6. Is he always that impatient?

I stay at the gym for a while. And head back to the hotel at about 4pm. I grab a quick _late_ lunch before I get back to the hotel though! 4:30pm comes around and I get a call from Adam.

"Hey" I answer

"Hey, random question… were you at a gym today?" he asks

"Yeah, why?"

"No reason, I just wanted to know if it was you I saw & prove Chris wrong"

"You saw me?"

"Yeah… you were running on a treadmill and about 11am this morning… right?"

"Yeah… I thought I heard you in the background, but when I looked over my shoulder no one was there"

"Yeah, Chris was really impatient today… he wanted to get the training done so we're all good for tomorrow"

"So you guys got some live events to do tomorrow?"

"Yeah… but it's gonna be up here so we don't have to catch a flight"

"Cool"

Adam laughs slightly

"Hey, is Chris always that impatient?" I ask

"Nah… well… nah not always, just most of the time"

I laugh slightly… "Okay then"

"Oh, there was another reason for my call"

"Really?"

"Yeah… you wanna go out tonight? I know it's short notice, but you know"

I feel myself smiling… "Yeah, sure… what time?"

"Uhh… say 7"

I look at the wall clock… 7pm is in 2hours & 15minutes… "Yep, sure"

"You'll be ready by then?"

"Yeah, of course I will be… it really doesn't take long for me to get ready"

"Sweet, I'll see you then"

"Yeah, see ya"

Both of us hang up and a smile comes on our faces.

I try to find a good pair of jeans and a top. I find myself smiling to myself for a while. Just realizing that if it wasn't for Adam… my life so far here in Canada would suck… really happy I met him on the way here… really, really happy!

7pm comes along with the knock at the door. I grab my leather jacket and I answer the door. As expected, Adam is on the other side.

"You have really good timing… like seriously" I say slightly laughing to myself

"I have to, just to survive in the business" he replies leaning next to the door looking at the wall opposite

"Hmm… understandable"

He turns and looks at me. I smile. "Nice… really like the top"

"Is it because it's a low cut top?"

"Mainly yeah!" he says with a cheeky smile

I shake my head slightly and he sees it.

"What?"

"Nothing" I answer with a smile

"Okay, lets get going"

"Sure" I say as I step out my room.

He extends his hand as I go to close the door behind me. I smile and join my hand with his. He pulls me close, I begin to feel warm, safe & loved. I love feelings like that. He kissed me on my forehead and I feel his soft hair on my cheek. I begin to think to myself… how can a guys hair be that soft & well looked after? It's crazy!

We go out to dinner and catch a movie before he takes me back to the hotel. We kiss all the way down the hallway to my door. We stop at my door so I can unlock my door. He rakes my hair back and kisses me on my neck. As the door becomes unlocked and open I turn back to him. We kiss passionately. I grab a handful of his top and pull him into my room. We continue to kiss as he kicks the door closed. We head towards to bed, and I fall back on it. Adam follows.

A few minutes later, both our belt buckles are unbuckled and his shirt is opened. We stop with a shock of a noise coming from his trouser's pocket. He takes out his cell phone and looks at the caller ID.

"Oh come on!" he complains… just by that, I know it's not going to go any further tonight. Angry/pissed-off face!

"What?" he answers

"Chris is pissed off at you" Jay says on the other side

"What? Why?"

"I don't know… but he popped around tonight to make sure we weren't getting drunk or out somewhere… so now, he's pissed off at you"

"Damn it… he's gonna pay for this tomorrow"

"Of course he will…" and laugh slightly

"I'm serious… alright I'll be right there…" Adam finishes and hangs up. "I got to go" he tells me

"But why? This soon?"

"We'll finish this next time"

"When's next time?"

"How about tomorrow?"

"Don't you have your live event tomorrow night?"

"Oh shit yeah… it don't matter, it's here in Toronto anyway"  
"Oh yeah"

"I'll see you after the show"

"Okay"

We kiss and he stands up. He buckles up his belt and buttons most of his shirt up. I kneel on the edge of the bed.

"See you tomorrow" he says

"See ya"

We kiss and I watch him leave the room. I lie back on the bed and stare at the ceiling.

I turn my head to the clock on the wall… 11pm… I've looked at the television guide, nothing on today. I try to figure out what time it would be back in Australia… might call my family or mates. I get up and grab my bag. I start pulling all kinds of things out until I get right to the bottom of the bag… to that single piece of paper. I find it and begin to dial one of the numbers on my mobile. I know it'll cost quite a bit but this way, they will have my number, not the hotel number. The first number on the list is Sera's. Let's give it a go!


	7. I'll be right there

It rings quite a few times. I'm about to give up when she answers the phone.

"Hello, who is this?" she answers

"Take a wild guess"

"Oh my god… Zoe!"

"That's my name"

"Where are you calling from? And what?"

"My Canadian mobile!" I say and laugh

"Eww Canada!" she says and laughs

"Hey, Canada has been good to me so far… really good"

"How do you mean 'really good'?"

"Well, the weather is perfect, haven't seen stuff like it since I was 7 years old, and even then it wasn't like this"

"Anything else? Cause the way you said 'really good' sounds more than just the weather"

"Well, there is another reason"

"Who is he?"

"No one"

"Zoe…"

"… but you would know him, so would Kim… so would my brother"

"Who the fuck could that be?"

"Think Sera, think… think back to when we were teens, what we all had in common"

"Music?"

"No"

"Ohh… I know… wrestling"

"Yep"

"Oh my god, you've hooked up with a Canadian wrestler"

"Ding, ding, ding…we have a winner"

"Which one is it?"

"Let's just say, before I left, I wasn't the biggest fan of his"

"Jericho?"

"Nope"

"Christian?"

"Nope"

"Rhino?"

"Nope"

"Benoit?"

"Nope"

"Oh my god, you didn't"

"Didn't what… hook up with Edge… no! Well, yeah"

"Eww…"

"Heck, you would have said eww to any of those"

"Yeah, I probably would of"

I laugh slightly… "So, how ya been?"

"Good, good… we miss ya"

"Really?"

"Only just, today wrestling was on, that's when we started to miss ya"

"Awww"

"Do you miss us?"

"Nope, not a single bit"

She gasps

"I'm kidding… of course I miss you guys"

"You're a bitch, going to Canada… why couldn't you've gone to the USA? Then I would come visit ya"

"Sera, we've been through this…" I hear some beeping on my phone, another call… "Hang on, I got another call" I say and press the button to take me to the other call.

"Who were you speaking to?" the guy on the other side asks… I straight away recognize the voice and I smile

"Just a mate, back in the land down under"

"Cool, hey I sorted out the thing with Chris… he was pissed off at me, so I had to go back home to sort it out… so, if you want, we could continue what we started earlier!"

I laugh slightly "Okay then"

"You still got my address?"

"Yep, in my jacket pocket…" a load of beeping comes from Sera's line "Hang on"

"Sure"

I get back to Sera's call

"About time… who you talking to?"

"No one, I got to go… talk to ya soon" I say and hang up her line. This takes me back to Adam… "Hey, I'll be right there"

"Okay, I'll see ya when you get here"

I hang up and quickly call a taxi. Once the taxi is called, I grab my jacket & bag. I head out the door and down stairs to wait for it.

5 minutes later standing in the freezing cold and snow, my taxi comes. I get in.

"Where to?"

I hand the driver the paper with Adam's address on it.

"All righty… let's go" he says and he starts driving.

20 minutes later, with all my friends and family's numbers in my phone, I arrive at Adam's place. Somehow, it's smaller than I expected… but still a lot better than the hotel room I'm staying in until I find a place. I look out the window of the taxi and see Adam standing at the front door. I smile.

"This the place?" the taxi driver asks

"Yeah, it is"

He hands back the piece of paper with the address on it.

"Thanks"

"That'll be $20.45"

I go into my bag to find my purse. I give the driver the money and step out the taxi.

I see Adam open the front door and see him pull his cheeky smile. I laugh slightly and see the taxi drive away. I begin to walk up to him. As I get to him, we kiss. He leads me in and we kiss down the hallway. We get to the lounge where Jay is watching some late television shows and drinking down a beer. We stop kissing. Adam hugs me from behind.

"Hey" he says to Jay

"Hey" Jay replies and looks over. He looks at me… "Hey" he says in a cheeky voice with a cheeky grin on his face

I smile and laugh slightly

"Ay!" Adam says

"What?" Jay asks

"I saw her first, so keep your mitts off her!"

"I will"

I shake my head slightly

"Hey, aren't you the chick Adam met on the plane?" Jay asks

"Yep, that's me!" I reply

"I'm Jay by the way"

"I'm Zoe, nice to meet ya"

"You want a drink?"

"Nah, I'm fine thanks"

"Have it your way" he says quietly

Adam then 'signals' me that we should get going to the bedroom. He leads the way as Jay gulps down the last bit of the beer in the bottle.

You know how I said before that his place is smaller than I expected. Well, I now officially take that back. From the outside it looks smaller, but once inside his house it is fucking huge… just saying!

We got to his bedroom and heck, it was really big… as in huge! We kiss passionately. My jacket slides down my arms, the buttons on both of our shirts come undone and our belts unbuckle. Our jeans fall to the floor and we fall on the bed. He crawls down my body and grabs my thong with his teeth. He drags them down to my ankles and kisses his way back up my body. We get under the covers and it goes from there. To sum it up… there was moans, kissing & us… yeah, we did it alright, we had sex alright!

At 4am in the morning, there's just us, naked, next to eachother, sleeping! Now that was a night.


	8. Who the Hell are you?

Midday, the day of the event, there's a knock at the door. No one has answered it, not even Jay! I sit up and look at Adam… sound asleep… snoring like hell, but asleep. I look around at the bedroom floor, looking for my thong and bra. I see my thong, but there's no sign of my bra anywhere. More knocking at the front door. If someone doesn't answer it soon, I'm going to get a fucking headache. A couple minutes later, I hear shouting coming from outside, and I somehow recognize the voices. Damn Jericho and I think Rhino. But I know that one of those voices is Chris Jericho… I'd recognize his voice anywhere!

"Adam, Jay… come on" he yells

I look at the alarm clock… 12:15pm… I begin to think, they shouldn't have to go now… the event doesn't even start until 7pm.

Adam's mobile rings. He opens his eyes very slightly and picks up his mobile. He looks at the caller ID and presses the hang up button. He then falls back to sleep.

I laugh slightly to myself. I stand up and put my thong back on. I find the nearest top and put it on. HA! Its Adam's top. I do a few buttons up and head out the room. If Adam or Jay aren't going to sort these two guys out… then I guess I'll have to. So I start heading for the front door. I pass Jay who is completely knocked out… nothing's going to wake him up for a while. I open the front door.

"May I help you?" I answer

"Who the hell are you?" Chris asks… by his question and tone of voice, I can tell that he is tired and pissed off

I was right… Chris Jericho and Rhino, at the door… great! I see Rhino looking at me with a cheeky grin. I see him look at my ass.

"How you doing?" he says. It reminds me of Joey from Friends. I laugh slightly.

"Well…" Chris says

"I know who she is… she's the chick from the treadmill yesterday" Rhino says, still with the grin on his face

"Wow, how'd you know?" I ask, knowing what the answer would be

"By your ass… you got a really nice one" he answers

I smile and laugh slightly… "Thanks, I'm Zoe"

"Terry" Rhino says… I think to myself… wow, Terry ay, cool

"Chris" Jericho says

We shake hands

"So why are you answering the door, when Jay and Adam should be" Chris asks

"They're still asleep"

"So which one of those lucky bastards got to have you?" Terry asks

"That would be Adam"

"That lucky asshole" he says

I hear Jay yawn and I look back… "Looks like one of the sleepy heads is up" I say.

Jay gets up, grabs a gym bag and walks for the front door. "Let's go" he says and walks outside for the cars. He puts his bag in the trunk and looks back at the front door, at Chris and Terry.

"I'll go get Adam, as I guess you guys wanna get going ay" I say

"Yeah, thanks" Chris says

I turn around and hear them go "wow". I begin walking towards Adam's bedroom. I still hear them. "Stop looking at my ass" I yell out. I then hear three disappointed groans. I smile and head into the bedroom.

I see Adam, still sound asleep. Part of me doesn't want to wake him but I try to wake him anyway.

"Adam, sweetie… you got to get up" I say softly and sit on the edge of the bed

"No, not yet… 5 more minutes" he says in the half asleep state

"Come on sweetie" I say softly and crawl towards him.

He rolls over onto his side, the side that he's not facing me.

I lay behind him and run my hand down his cheek, onto his arm. "Come on… you know I'm getting closer to it" I say softly. As I run my hand down his arm, my hand slowly gets closer and closer to his penis. I see him smile slightly and I then reach it. His smile gets bigger and it turns into his cheeky smile he does, which I now know very well. "Don't make me go down there… because, I will… now get up" I say, less softly than the other things I've said.

"Go ahead, I dare you"

"Okay then, I will" I say and work my way down his body. I get down there and begin sucking it.

A few minutes go by.

"You know… I'm not going to get up" he says

I stop what I'm doing and sit up again. "Okay, I'll just send Chris in" I say, stand up and head for the bedroom door

"No, don't please…"

"Well then get up, they're all waiting for you"

"But… I don't wanna get up"

"Okay" I say and head out the door

I head back to the front door, where Jay and Terry were in the car singing along to the radio… and then there's Chris, leaning at the door, looking pissed off out of his mind. It's actually scary to see him like that.

"It's hopeless" I tell him

"Oh fucking hell" he says, raking his hands through his hair, angrily.

"You could give it a try"

"I will" he says and walks past me towards the bedroom

I laugh slightly to myself and feel the cold breeze of the wind outside rush across my bare legs.

Chris enters the bedroom where Adam has pretended to go back to sleep.

"Adam, get up… NOW!" Chris yells and pulls back the covers that Adam was holding tight… but not tight enough! "Oh fucking hell" Chris says to himself, looking up at the ceiling. Chris quickly leaves the bedroom to yell down the hallway. "Zoe, you could have told me he was naked"

"Oops!" I reply and laugh slightly to myself

He reenters the bedroom and throws Adam the boxers that were on the floor. "Get up, put your fucking pants on, and let's go!" he yells

Adam gets up and puts his boxers back on from last night. "Fine, fine… I'm up, I'm up" he says and yawns

Chris grabs Adam's bag and heads out the room, to the front door and to the car. I watch as he puts Adam's bag in the trunk of the car. I turn my head and see Adam coming down the hallway. He's tied his hair up, which really doesn't suit him, and has his jeans on. No top though… probably because I'm wearing it. Oops, forgot about that.

"I'll see you later" he says and kisses me

"Yep, and take your hair down" I say

"I will…"

We both smile and kiss

"Good luck"

He smiles and heads for the car

I watch as the car speeds down the road. Man, I feel sorry for those guys, having to be in the car with a pissed off Chris Jericho driving. Time for a bra hunt!

Terry taps Adam on the shoulder. Adam turns his head around.

"Yeah" Adam says

"So that's your girl?" Terry asks

"Yeah, why?"

"Wow… she's… wow"

"Yes, yes she is" Adam responds with a smile

"They've only had 2 dates" Jay interrupts, half conscious

"Wrong. We've had 3… because I dropped her off at her hotel room last night, then you called, so I went home to sort things out with Chris, then invited her over. So, HA!" Adam explains


	9. Where the hell is my bra?

"Here bra, what did you go? Oh bra! Where are you?" I begin to sing to myself while looking for my bra in Adam's bedroom

I've been looking for a good 10 minutes… I know I should be in the bedroom… but yet there is no sign of it. I decided to check the rest of the house… but nothing. Damn it… it was my favorite bra too! Sad face!

Hungry now! Damn it! Want to go out to eat, but I'm not going out without a bra on… especially in this cold weather! I'll just find something to eat here… now I wonder what Adam has in his cupboard? Hehehe!

I head for the kitchen and start opening the cupboards, looking for food of some sort. Nothing good. He must have at least bread and butter… maybe even a better spread. I check the fridge… beer, beer, more beer… Oh My God… there's food! I pick it up… I have no idea what it is but it smells yummy. There's a note… "Do **Not** Touch… Jay's Food… Leave Now"

"Great, I'm hungry, this is the only thing I can find, and its Jay's… perfect" I say to myself and put it back into the fridge.

I think for a while… I wonder if Adam has a different spot where he has his food?... I'll call him. I grab my phone and dial his number… it rings.

"Hey sweetie" he answers

"I'm hungry and I can't find my bra" I complain

"Oh right… food"

"Yeah… the only thing I've food in your house that's food is Jay's… it even has a note on it saying 'Do not Touch, Jay's food, Leave Now'"

"Yeah, he's like that… my stash is… I'll text ya where it is okay"

"Okay…"

"Now what was the other problem?"

"I can't find my bra"

"Oh, that… did you check under the bed?"

"I've checked the whole house"

"Oh"

"Yeah… where'd you throw it last night?"

"Can't remember… I was busy!"

"Of course you were… but I kinda need it… plus it was my favorite one"

"Hang on…" … "Terry, pass my bag over"

"Sure thing" Terry says and gives Adam his bag

Adam opens his bag and goes through some of it… until he comes across the bra… "Oh shit" he says to himself

I wait

"Nope, I don't know where it is then"

"Really?"

"Yeah"

"Hey Adam… nice bra man" Terry says from behind him and listens into the conversation

"Shut up" he says

"Thanks Terry! Adam… I now know you have my bra"

"Fine… it's in my bag… but I didn't put it in there, I swear!"

"Dude, you're in for it now!" Terry says and 'gently' punches him on the arm

"Adam… I need my bra!"

"Okay… get a taxi, come to the gym, and I'll give you back your bra there"

"Fine, I'll see you there"

"Yep"

I hang up and call a taxi

"Dude… you took her bra" Terry says

"I didn't… it just, slipped in my bag"

"Yeah right… let me see it for a second"

"Sure…" Adam says and starts to hand Terry the bra … "wait… no…"

Terry sits back in his seat with his arms crossed. Adam turns to him and Terry sticks his tongue like a little kid. Adam does the same back. Terry punches Adam. Adam punches back.

"Stop it you two" Chris says

"But he started it" Adam & Terry say

"I don't care who started it… I'll finish it when we get there when I beat both you're asses"

"But…"

"No buts…"

"Fine"

They arrive at the gym.

Meanwhile…

I put my jeans & t-shirt on and head out of the door into the taxi. I head off to the gym.

I get to the gym and head straight to the rings out back. I see Adam watching Chris verses Terry from ringside. I lean at the door and watch the match. It was really cool watching a training match. Terry won with his finisher "the Gore". Really, really good match. Shame they aren't in a television feud at the moment… would really like to see that on the telly.

Once that match is over, Adam notices me leaning at the doorway. He smiles. He walks over to me with a very cheeky smirk on his face. I laugh slightly. I see that he has my bra in his jeans pocket. He gets to me and puts his arms around my waist.

"Hey" he says

"Hey" I reply

He kisses me. During the kiss, I reach down to his jeans pocket and pull out my bra from his pocket. I smile slightly. The kiss stops and my stomach rumbles.

"Oh right, I forgot to text you where my stash of food is"

"Yeah"

"I'm sorry"

"It's fine… really it is"

He starts to kiss me on my cheek, to my neck and shoulder. I laugh slightly.

"Damn he's one lucky asshole" Terry says

"I don't get it… what's so good about her?" Jay asks

"Dude… have you seen that ass… its Oh My God wow"

"Fine, fine" Jay accepts

Chris is leaning on the ropes of the ring, with a ball in his hand. He sighs and throws the ball. It hits Adam's back.

Adam stops kissing me and looks angrily at Chris. Chris smiles an evil grin.

"Hey Chris, if I wasn't starving and I had my bra on, I would run into that ring and kick your ass" I yell out

"Bring it on" he responds

"Ooooo" Terry and Jay say

"Didn't you hear me… I said IF I wasn't starving for food, like I am right now, and IF I had my bra on… then I would!"

"Put you're bra on, grab a snack from the vending machine, and bring it on" he replies

"Okay, I will…" I say.

I head to the toilets and put my bra on. I come back out, grab my purse and head for the vending machine. I put in 2 Canadian dollars and get a quick snack to shut my stomach up for a few minutes. I go back into the back and I see Chris lying back on the top rope in the corner. I step up into the ring and take my top off. Wrestling in my bra and jeans… how fun! Against Jericho… even more fun! HA!

Adam steps in as the referee for the match. He makes a bell ringing noise and the match gets on the way.

The match goes for about 5 minutes. At one point I bit Chris's fingers while he had me in a submission move. They didn't taste nice. He complained quite a bit to Adam at that point because he didn't call for a disqualification. It ended up with him having me in the Walls of Jericho. I roll through and pin him in a small package pin. Really fun. I won with a quicker three count from Adam. Hehehe! Chris starts arguing with Adam about the quick three count. Heck, Adam was the referee, he calls the match… accept it Chris! Hehehe!

Not long after that they head for there live event. I head to my hotel for a shower, lunch/dinner.

That was the day!


	10. Put it on loud speaker

The next day comes and goes so fast. Still no job opportunities yet. Great job to me for wanting to start over here, with no jobs available. Awesome! But I did find a local pub today. They said that if I prove that I do having an alcohol license then they will give me an interview and hopefully a job there. I had put my resume and my alcohol license in my suitcase so I will apply tomorrow. Hopefully I get it… out of my main jobs I've had in my life already, working at a pub was defiantly the most fun. Fingers and toes crossed! Also I should call some friends who are in the land down under… Kim for one of them. Will do that tomorrow too. Too late for me now… really tired tonight. So tomorrow, I will apply for a job at the pub and call Kim. Night amigos!

8am start today. No idea why… haven't been up this early in long time! Well… I might as well find my resume and alcohol license since I'm up this early. Hmmm… in Australia it'll be 8pm… think I'll call her in an hour or two. Knowing her, she would be going to sleep at about 2 or 3 in the morning, so I got a bit of time on my hands.

As I look through my bags there's a knock at my door.

"Who the fuck is wanting me at this time in the morning?" I ask myself and walk towards the door

I open it and no one is there… "Must be my tired mind playing tricks on me" I tell myself as I close the door and continue looking through my bags for the documents.

Another knock at the door. "If there's no one at the door, I'm going to be pissed"

I open it and no one. I close the door, but it's stopped. Confusion. I turn around and I'm greeted by Adam. I smile. He wraps his arms around my waist and leans in for a kiss. We kiss. Short and sweet one this time. Then comes a line that isn't nice to hear after a kiss.

"Need to brush your teeth, you still got morning breath" he says and looks done at me

"Of course I still had morning breath… it's 8 in the morning"

"You're not usually up this early, are you?"

"No, not when I have it my way… if I had it my way I wouldn't have got up until at least 10"

"Sleepy head"

"Hey, you were sleepy head yesterday"

"True… now go do your teeth and we'll go out for some breakfast"

"Really? Because I'm not hungry"

"Yes really… and one of the only things that you were saying yesterday is that you were hungry"

"Fine… I'll go brush my teeth" I say and go back into my room.

Adam follows and sits on the settee. I grab my tooth brush and paste and head for the bathroom.

"Zoe, you've made quite a mess"

I stop brushing for a second … "Yeah, I know… I've been looking for something"

"What you been looking for?"

I spit into the sink… "My alcohol license and my resume"

"Why?"

"I need to get a job and the manager for the pub down the road said I can apply for one there"

"Oh… okay then"

"You got a problem with it?"

"No, no… of course not"

"Good" I say and finish brushing my teeth

I finish and we get going. We go to a nice café down the road. It was really nice, even though I didn't eat much… I don't get hungry this early in the morning. Not until around 10am. Not a morning person. It was really nice. Smiles all round for me right now.

Our little breakfast date finishes around 9:45am so it lasted for a good hour and a half, which is good for a breakfast date, if you could call it that! Hehehe! I get back to the hotel and tell Adam that I'll see him tomorrow maybe.

With my documents found, I relax and call Kim.

Ringing… ringing… ringing… ringing… more ringing

"Hello"

"Hey Kim"

"Zoe? Is that you?"

"You know it"

"Sweet… how ya been? How's Canada treating ya?"

"I've been good. Missing my amigos back home though. Canada has been awesome to me… loving it"

"Aww… we miss you too"

"Aww…"

"Sera told me you found someone"

"Yeah… did she tell you who it is?"

"No but she laughed when she told me"

"Oh, okay then"

"Why? Do we know him?"

"Kinda, yeah! You could say that"

"Zoe… who is he? Come on, spill the gossip"

"It's Adam"

"Adam who?"

"Copeland"

"Who the hell is that?"

"A Canadian wrestler"

"Which one?"

"Well, he has long, blonde hair"

"Okay, what Canadian wrestlers don't have that hair?"

"Terry and Benoit"

"Terry?"

"Rhino"

"Ohh… so there's Jericho, Christian and Edge"

"Yep"

"Is it… Jericho?"

"Nope"

"Christian?"

"Hahahaha… I've wished… but no"

"Oh my god… no… not Edge"

"Yepadoodle!"

"Zoe… but… why?"

"Because I can"

"You could've picked Christian"

"I know… but I met Adam first"

"How?"

"On the plane from London to Toronto"

"But… why?"

"Because I can… heck, he's a really good kisser"

"You've kissed him?"

"Yepadoodle"

"Please don't tell me that you've gone further with him"

"Well… yeah"

Silence on Kim's end

"Kim… he's a completely different guy in real life to what you see on the telly"

"Fine, fine… just don't get married to him… it'll be too weird"

"Who said I was going to marry him? We're only dating"

"Alright, okay…"

"So how have you been?"

"Good, good… now trying to get the picture of you and Edge out of my mind"

"Ohh… I'm sorry…"

"Sure you are"

"I am… a promise…"

"Fine…"

I smile and hear Sera in the background on Kim's side… "Who is it?"

"It's Zoe"

"Oh, put it on speaker"

"Fine" and on speaker phone I go

"Hey guys"

"ZOE!" Sera screams

"Yes…" I say

"Hi"

"Hello…"

She screams again

"Sera… you'll wake the neighbors" Kim says

"Oh… fine"

"Oh I miss you guys"

"Look, tell me when you get into the USA, and we'll come over… right Kim?"

"Right"

"What if I stay up in Canada?"

"I don't know, but I'm not going to Canada"

"Nor am I"

"You guys are really stubborn about coming up to Canada"

"Well… do ya remember when we were in our teens and we promised eachother that around this age, we were going to go live in North Carolina for a bit, set up a little business in Mexico to pay for training there, go back to Carolina and try & get into the WWF?" Sera reminds me

"Yes I do, we were at my place… but things change… people's minds change. There's still training places up here… trust me"

"How do you know?" Kim asks

"Because yesterday I beat Chris in a wrestling match"

"Really?"

"Yep"

"Who was the referee?"

"Adam… but still…"

"HA!" Sera laughs

"Wait… how did you get into a wrestling match against Jericho?" Kim asks

"He was having a go at me & Adam… so I said if I wasn't hungry I would kick his ass in the ring… so he challenged me, I grabbed a quick snack & yeah… beat his ass"

"Oh, okay"

"Okay… how did you think I got into the match?"

"I don't know"

"Okay"

"But that's not a training place… is it?" Sera says

"It's at a gym… but they got 4 rings in the back, it's where the guys train before they head on their flight or their event"

"Fine, fine"

"So… how's everyone in the land down under?"

"Good, good"

"Really?"

"Yeah"

"Cool" I say and hear banging at their end … "Keep it down"

"See, I told you that you would wake the neighbors" Kim tells Sera

"Well… sorry!"

"Hey, Zoe"

"Yeah"

"We gotta go sort this shit out… we'll talk soon"

"Alright… bye guys"

"Bye Zoe!" they say

"Bye" I finish and hang up


	11. Sweetest thing

I lie back on my bed and stare at the ceiling. I still got a few hours before the pub opens… how can I waste my time today? To the gym I go! I put my sports bra, my workout shorts and my track pants on, then I jumper because it is freezing outside. Well, that's what I get for coming just before winter… note: it's November. Forgot to mention that before. Oops! Oh well. Off to the gym I go.

I get to the gym about 10 minutes later. I head in and recognize the person lifting weights… it's Jay. I smile and shake my head slightly. I head for the treadmills and start running. The gym's stereo is playing all my favorites and I think to myself… I've come at the right time. There's Guns 'N' Roses, Nirvana, Foo Fighters, Powderfinger, Pearl Jam, Queen, Matchbox 20, U2, Bon Jovi, Red Hot Chilli Peppers… all my favorites… love it, love it… LOVE IT! I start singing along to some of it… not out loud but to myself. "Jeremy's falling, falling". If you don't know what song that's from, it's from Pearl Jam and called Jeremy.

A few songs later, Jay sees me at the corner of his eye. "Wow, now I see what Terry's on about!" he says to himself. At this point, U2 was playing with the song Sweetest Thing. He drops the weights onto his chest and says "Ow" to himself, trying not to make a huge deal about it. I hear and laugh slightly to myself. "Ain't love the sweetest thing"

A couple of songs later, I switch onto the exercise bikes. Song playing now is Paradise City by Guns 'N' Roses. "Oh won't you please take me home". Jay switches to a different weight machine, the one when you have to pull it down to behind your neck. He begins to count on each one he does.

He gets to 15 when a familiar face walks in… Terry.

"Hey Jay"

"Hey man… 16"

Terry turns his head… "Dude… it's her"

"I know… 17"

"How long she been here?"

"Uhh… 18… umm about half an hour… 19"

"Wow… well I better get started on my training" he says and heads for the exercise bikes

"Terry… 20… don't you dare"

"Do what?"

"You know what I'm talking about… 21"

"I won't… I just want to train"

"Fine… 22"

Terry gets on the exercise bike behind me to the left. The song Under the Bridge by Red Hot Chilli Peppers finishes and I notice that Terry is behind me. I smile.

"Hey Terry" I say as I turn and look at him

"Hey… Zoe right?"

"Yeah, that's right"

"Sweet"

"You know… I never thought you would choose to go on the exercise bike for our training… I always pictured you as lifting weights like Jay over there"

"Yeah, well… I thought I would work on my legs today"

"Oh… cool"

"How come I don't see you lifting weights? You're always on the treadmill or on these"

"I enjoy working my legs"

"You know what these are also good for"

"What?"

"Your ass"

I laugh slightly… "I know… it's how I have an ass like this… years on the treadmill and exercise bike"

"I see"

"Yep"

"Hey, have you seen Adam today?"

"Yeah… I saw him this morning… why?"

"No reason, just asking"

"Okay"

"That lucky bastard"

"Huh…?"

"Adam… he's a lucky bastard… he truly is"

I laugh slightly "I know"

"Terry… stop it… 35" Jay barks

Terry turns his head… "Stop what?"

"You know… 36"

"I'm not doing that… it's a conversation"

"Sure it is… 37"

I turn my head to Jay … "Hey Jay"

"Hey Zoe… 38"

Chris and Adam walk into the gym and come over to us.

"Hey guys" Chris says

"Hey Chris"

"Hey Chris… 39"

"Hey guys" Adam says

"Hey Adam… 40"

"Hey you lucky bastard"

"I know I am" Adam responds to Terry. He walks over to me… "Hey baby"

"Hey sweetie"

We kiss and he puts his arms around my waist… "You're sweaty"

"No, really?"

"Yeah… maybe you should go hit the showers"

"Forgot my towel"

"They got towels here"

"But I really don't feel like it"

"Really? Because I do"

"Yeah… you're alone on that one sweetie… I'm fine with working out"

"Okay then" and kisses me

Jay begins to shake his head and Adam sees.

"What?"

"Nothing… really… it's nothing"

"I know it's something… you don't shake your head for nothing"

"I'll tell ya later"

"Fine"

The hours pass and before I know it, it's 3pm.

"Oh, I got to go… I got a job opportunity at 4"

"But that isn't for another hour" Terry complains

"Well… I got to get a bite to eat, get showered and changed… wanna look good for it… first impressions count"

"Fine… I'll see you soon" Adam says and we kiss

"See ya guys" I say as I grab my jumper and leave

"Bye Zoe" they say and look at my ass as I walk out

"Adam, man… I envy you so much right now" Terry says

"I know" he replies with a smile

I grab a bite to eat on the way back to the hotel… a bowl of fruit salad always does the trick. I get back to my hotel room and head for the bathroom. My mobile goes off, saying I have 2 new messages. Both from Adam, I bet. Yep I was right.

"headin 2 the gym, will u b there? xx"

"good luck at the job thingy, hope u get it! xx"

I smile and head into the bathroom for a nice, hot shower. I step out after about 10 minutes with a load of steam following me. I love those kinds of showers. I get dressed, grab the document that I need and head down to the pub.

3:50pm I arrive at the pub doors. 4pm comes around and it's time to ace this job opportunity interview. It gets off to a really good start. The manager's name is Mike. You learn something new everyday! Hehehe!

4:20pm and a big question is asked.

"Are you fine with stripping?"

I think… uhh, maybe… uhh no

"Because every Friday and Saturday night, we bring out the poles and stage"

Hmm… it's only two night a week… "Yeah, that's fine"

"Good, good"

4:30pm comes around and the final bit is said.

"Congratulations… you've got the job"

I feel myself smiling like an idiot… "Thank you very much"

"You start in two weeks on Monday"

"I'll see you then and thank you"

"You're welcome, we look forward to having you on our team"

"See ya" I say and leave with the biggest smile on my face. I put my jacket back on as I head outside. I get outside and I jump & punch the air. Two weeks I start… wooohooo! I know I got enough money to get me along for the next month… but heck, I have a job! Wooohooo!

I get back to the hotel and relax on my bed, trying to get over the fact that I have a job that I love doing… well, the serving the drinks part of it, not too sure about the stripping part of it… but still… wooohooo!

5pm and I get a text message from Adam.

"did u get it? xx"

I reply… "they loved me… I got the job! =D xx"

"yay, well done baby… when do u start? xx"

"2wks on Monday! xx"

"sweet =D… talk 2 ya later, xx"

"k, xx"

I get an early dinner and eat it whilst watching a bit of wrestling on the telly. I relax and slowly drift off to sleep. What a day!


	12. Early wake up call, literally

The next morning I'm woken up by a ringing cell phone… great… fucking 7 in the morning… awesome. I don't bother looking at the caller ID and just answer it.

"Hello… what?"

"ZOE!" Kim yells into the phone

"What?"

"Hi"

"Hello… why you waking me up? What do you want?"

"Zoe, it's 7pm"

"No it fucking isn't… it's fucking 7am"

"Oh… sorry… forgot about the time changes"

"It's fine… why'd you call? I was having a good sleep and dream"

"I was bored"

"Really? Really?"

"Yes really"  
"Really?"

"Yes, really!"

"I don't really see that as a good enough reason to wake me up at 7 in the morning"

"Wait, I got a better reason"

"Okay, what is it?"

"Uhh…"

"Kim, if you don't think of one, I'm gonna hang up and go back to sleep"

"Uhh…"

"Don't hurt yourself now"

"Oh… I wanted to talk to you about something"

"What?"

"Uhh… jobs"

"What? Why? This early in the morning… really?"

"Yes, really… I was wondering if you got one yet up in Canada"

"Yes I do… I got it yesterday and I start in two weeks"

"What is it?"

"Serving drinks at a local pub"

"Sweet"

"Yeah… it is"

"Do you have to do anything else as part of the job?"

"Why? Like what?"  
"Just asking… I don't know… just asking!"

"Alright, yes I have to do something else than serving drinks for this job"

"What is it?"

"It doesn't matter, really it doesn't"

"Oh, okay"

"Is that the real reason you called?"

"No… I just wanted to say hi… and that I now see something good about Adam"

"Oh… what?"

"He's kinda cute and funny"

"Really?"

"No he's just funny"

"Thought you were going to say that, knowing you… you know, all the stuff he says on the telly is scripted"

"Damn it… is he really funny in person?"

"Kinda, yeah… depends what you think is funny"

"Oh… okay then"

"When did you think of this?"

"On Raw this week… his segment was funny with Christian"

"Yeah, I watched… before you guys too… hehehe"

"Bitch"

"Yeah, I know… it's just what I get for coming over here, ay"

"Girl, you even sound Canadian"

"Really? I didn't notice… well I do spent quite a bit of time with Canadians so I must have picked it up"

"Which Canadians?"

"You know… the usual… Chris, Adam, Jay and Terry… they are the main ones"

"You are really snappy"

"Duh… I'm fucking tired"

"Ohh… late night again?"

"No, earlier night to usually… but I'm still tired"

I hear Sera in the background… "Kim, dinner time… get off the phone"

"Fine" … "See ya Zoe… talk soon"

"Fine, bye" I finish and hang up. Sleepy time!

Hours later I awaken for the second time this morning… thanks Kim for that, I will get you back for it, that's a fucking promise! I wasn't able to finish off the dream I was having… that really sucked. Well, now that I'm awake, I might as well get some breakfast and watch some morning telly. Frosties… you can't beat them! Well, you probably could, but I'm really in the mood for a bowl of them.

I need to go shopping today… need to buy some stuff for dinner for the next few nights.

Random thought… Christmas is in about a month now… today is the 24th of November. It's slowly getting colder, but the weather is still as it should be… beautiful.

With breakfast finished, I grab a quick shower so I'm clean if I head out today for some odd reason. Who knows… anything can happen!

The day goes by really, really slowly. Nothing happened the whole day. All I did today was go shopping for some food for the next days… not fun shopping, not clothes shopping, nothing like that… it was food shopping!


	13. First Shift at the Pub

The weeks go by just like that day… slow. Nothing new happened, nothing interesting happened. Seen Adam a few times, had some fun with the guys and at the gym… the usual. I start work this week so I'll get some more money under my belt. It's going to be fun. Well, I start tomorrow, today I'm just relaxing and practicing some of my drink making… it's still easy to me… I am ready for tomorrow. I start at 4pm, although I have to be there at 3pm to get ready for the people… plus I gotta learn the prices of all the drinks and snacks. One I learn that, I only have to be there 15 minutes before the shift starts at 4pm. Nothing different compared to when I worked as a bartender in Australia. Drink making is always fun. If there's no one to try the drinks, I have an excuse to get drunk! Hehehe!

I wake up the next morning with a small hangover. Those drinks were awesome though. So I start work today. My next goal is to get enough money to rent out an apartment so I can have a place I can call my place, instead of saying the hotel I stay at. Then I'll get a driving license and a car, since at the moment I'm relying on public transport and my feet. That is less important at the moment. I don't necessarily need a car at the moment which is why it's after I get a place to live at.

10am… early gym session. The guys are down in the USA for telly taping and other live events, so it's quieter today. Just the music playing and me, really. There was some other people there, but they were super focused on working out, so I kinda left them to be. It was a good work out today… I finished up at 11:30am, to grab some lunch and head back up to the hotel room.

1pm comes along and I get ready for my first shift at the pub. I wear my favorite top, which is slightly low cut, and a pair of jeans. I make sure my hair is done right and that I look good. At 2:30pm I head to the pub to get started… yay!

I get to the pub on time… good… wouldn't want to be late on my first day working here. Since it's 1 hour before the doors are open to everyone else, I grab a pen and paper and begin writing the prices of the drinks, over and over again. I find that doing this, I remember them more easily than reading them over & over again. I get it done 7 times before the rest of employees get here. Everyone is really friendly here, everyone is great. I guess it's because it's my first shift here, but once I'm here for a while everyone will show their real self's… can't wait to see that.

There is this one guy… really nice and good looking… we got along straight away… he actually asked me if I was single… damn I've got Adam, which means that I'm not single… if I was though… hmmm… hehehe! The great thing about this guy, who's name is Mark, is once I told him I wasn't single, we didn't stop talking, which usually the guy would walk away and never talk to you again. It was a really good feeling.

"So is your boyfriend fine with you stripping?"

"Uhh… yeah"

"He doesn't know do he?"

"No, he doesn't, and he doesn't need to… yet"

"What if he comes in on a Friday or Saturday night and sees you?"

"Then he will be confused, maybe pissed… and I'll say, oh yeah, I also strip for this place, so surprise"

He laughs. It's 4pm and the doors open to the public. "Looks like it's time to get started, talk to you later"

"Alright, see ya"

He goes into the back to the kitchen. Oh yeah, he's a chef here… this place also serves lunches and dinners, pub style. I get behind the bar and get ready to serve some drinks.

One of the first people I see come through the entrance doors is Terry. Hmm… I thought he had events to do. Oh well. He sees me and walks over with a smile.

"Hey girl"

"Hey Terry… didn't you have television taping to do tonight?"

"Nah, not me… no match or promo so I came back home for a night"

"Cool… so what can I get ya?"

"Just an Alpine Lager"

"In a bottle or a pint?"

"Pint"

"Coming up" I say and head over to the tap. I fill up the pint glass with the beer and take it back to him. "That'll be $7"

He hands over $10, and I give him the $3 change.

"So this is where you work now?"

"Yep, it is"

"You gonna be doing the Friday and Saturday night specials?"

"What specials?"

"Well…" he tries to start explaining but looking at me like I know what he's talking about anyways

"Yes, I am… I'm going to be swinging on a pole with little clothing on"

"Sweet" he says with a cheeky grin

"Wipe that grin off your face"

"Fine, fine"

"Good"

Another person walks in and the other bartenders are busy.

"Hang on Terry, I gotta take this"

"Sure" he says and sips the lager

"What can I get ya?"

"I'll get a vodka and coke, a bottle of Alpine Lager, and two pub-style burgers"

"Sure… that'll be… $41"

He hands over a $50 bill and I give him $9 change and a service number stand

"Mark, we need 2 pub-style burgers, for number 7"

"Coming up"

"We'll bring it over to you once the burgers are done"

"Can I get my drinks now?"

"Sure" I say. I grab a bottle of Alpine Lager out of the fridge, open it and pour a glass of vodka and coke. I hand them to the customer… "There you go"

"Thanks"

I walk back over to where Terry is drinking his lager.

"You're really good at this job"

"Thanks"

"Anyways… have you told Adam that you'll be doing the specials?"

"No, I haven't, well not yet"

"Are you going to tell him?"

"Uhh… no… but if he comes in while I'm swinging on the poles, then I'll tell him"

"You got it planned out then"

"Yeah… but until then… it's our little secret"

"Sure… but what do I get out of this?"

"Well… if you tell Adam, then I'll stop wearing a thong, so when you look at my ass, it won't look as good"

"Fine… can I tell the other guys?"

"Uhh… not yet"

"When?"

"When I say you can… but until then… this is between us and nobody else"

"Fine… I'll keep my mouth shut"

"You promise?"

"I promise" he says and crosses his heart

I smile… "Good"

"Zoe… number 7's order is done" Mark yells… nicely… and dings the little bell

"Thanks Mark!" I reply and get the order. I take it over to the table… "Enjoy"

"Thanks… here's a tip… one for you, one for the chef and one for the pub" one of the guys says handing out some money

"Awesome… enjoy guys" I say and take it. I walk back behind the bar. "Mark you got a tip"

"Thanks Zoe"

I put his tip on the worktop thing where he hands over the orders. I put the pub's tip into the jar and well, my tip, goes in my pocket. I walk back over to Terry until another customer walks in.

"What time does your shift finish?"

"Uhh… 11pm I think… long shift but it's worth it"

"4 to 11 ay… wow"

"Yeah… 7 hours… but I was here at 3pm"

He laughs slightly… "Well, it's like the pay-per-views then… we have to be at the arena at 3pm for the pay-per-views and 5pm for the usual tapings and live events"

"Cool"

"Yep"

"Yeha"

He takes another sip of the lager.

"I need a drink" I say and grab a bottle of beer out of the fridge. I put some money into the till and open the bottle.

"So do you have to pay for the drinks if you want one?"

"I don't know… but better safe than sorry"

"True, true"

"Back in Australia, I had to pay, but only half the price of the drink"

"So you were a bartender in Australia?"

"Yeah… for a year or so… loved it"

"What other jobs have you worked as?"

"Uhh… match making"

"Really?"

"Yeah… hated it though… only did it because I'm good at it and it gave me a lot of money… it paid for my trip here, a hotel room for a few months and enough money for essentials plus some to have fun with"

"Pays the bills and puts food on the table… that's what most jobs are good for"

"Yep, defiantly"

We drink

"So, what kind of music are you into?"

"Rock… no question about it… you?"

"Same… what are your favorite bands?"

"Pearl Jam is my top favorite. They have been since 1993. Other than them it's the usual… Bon Jovi, U2, some of Queen, a bit of Matchbox 20, and quite a bit of Guns 'N' Roses"

"Awesome"

"What are yours?"

"Mostly the same. A bit of this and that"

"Cool"

"Chris isn't that bad at singing either"

"Really? I haven't heard him"

"Yeah, he wants to start up a band"

"Sweet… good luck to him"

3 hours later, with about 30 customers served, $100 made in personal tips (not tips to the pub), and I'm able to get a bit of a break. Terry left about 45 minutes ago so I just sit down on one of the stalls until another customer walks in. The pub is pretty full at the moment which is always good to see, I think. Depends how you look at it really… it's good for the business, yet it's a pub… well, whenever there's a good, there's a bad to balance it out.

11pm comes along and I'm tired. I want to go back to the hotel room, collapse of the bed and sleep. We had a really good dinner shift. Lots of tips around, lots of money in the till, lots of full bellies and lots of smiles. It's what I like to see… well, I like to see more, but this will do.

Jim walks in, and I am out of here. Jim takes over for me, the night shift. He's a great guy. Mark finished off at 10pm.

Back off the hotel I go… and it's time to enter my dreams. Night guys and girls.


	14. Why Terry? Why?

This week goes really good. I'm loving my new job, got money in my pocket… all tips at the moment, I get my pay check next week… I have awesome friends all around the world… well Canada and Australia… and I'm having a load of fun.

Friday night was a bit awkward though… wait, no, Friday night was extremely awkward. Damn, now it feels like I have to write about it… okay, here it goes.

Friday: Adam got back from a week's worth of live events today. Only have spoke to him once this whole week, so it was really nice to see him again. Man, it's a real shame that I have big work tonight. I start today off with a workout down at the gym. The whole gang is there today… man that feels weird referring to the guys as "the gang"… why did I do it? I don't know, but there you go… HA!

Adam walks over as I step foot in the gym door

"Hey baby" he say and kisses me

"Hey sweetie"

We kiss

"I missed you this week" Adam says holding me close

"I missed you too"

"You doing anything tonight?"

"I got work"

"What times?"

"4 to 11… same as every night that I'm scheduled"

Terry laughs in the background

"Terry, what's so funny about that?" Adam turns around and asks

"Oh, nothing, nothing"

"I know it's something, so tell me…"

"Fine… I've seen her at work… she's really good… you should go see and watch"

"Okay, I will, tonight"

My mind runs… tonight, no, not tonight… not Friday or Saturday nights… never

"You're okay with that, right?"

"Uhh… yeah, of course… I got nothing to hide about my work"

"Yeah… we'll all come" Terry adds

"Sure" Chris and Jay respond

Oh damn… this could get really awkward. Thanks Terry, you asshole… you just couldn't give me one week on the pole! I hate you so much right now.

"Hey, uhh… sweetie" I say

"Yeah"

"I kinda came down here to workout"

"Oh yeah, yeah… of course" he says and releases me

"Thanks" I say and make my way to the treadmills.

We all workout for a couple of hours, before the guys head to get some lunch.

"You coming?" Chris asks

"Nah, not hungry… think I just keep working out until I do"

"Fine, your loss"

"Sure it is Chris"

"Oh it is!" Chris finishes and winks at me

"Alright, I'll see you later baby" Adam says and jumps onto the treadmill I'm on

"See ya sweetie" I say and put up the speed

He tries to keep up but gets off at the edge, as heck, he just couldn't keep up with me. I laugh slightly and turn down the speed. I begin running backwards on the treadmill so I'm facing Adam. He jumps back on. I turn off the treadmill suddenly and he falls.

"Oh… sorry sweetie… I thought you had your treadmill legs already"

"Treadmill legs?"

"Yeah… it's like how people say 'sea legs' when out on the ocean… your used to the treadmill and won't fall if it turn off suddenly like that"

"Oh, okay then" he says and gets up

"I'll see you later"

"See ya"

We kiss

"Adam, Terry… come on" Jay yells at the doorway

"Coming" Terry & Adam say

"See ya"

Adam smiles and walks out the gym. Terry grabs his towel which he uses to wipe the sweat from his body and the machines.

"Hey Terry, come here for a second" I call him over

"Sure" he says and walks over to me

"You know I hate you so much right now"

He laughs slightly… "I know… I'll see you there sweet-cheeks"

I shake my head slightly. "See ya Terry"

I watch them leave down the street in Adam's car. Once I can't see the car anymore, I run into the back where the rings are. I step into one of the rings and start having fun. Cartwheels, summersaults, flips… just a load of fun really, with a reason behind it… I got that thing tonight, so I'm getting ready.

Meanwhile…

"Oh damn, I forgot my jacket" Jay remembers

"Where'd you leave it?" Chris asks

"In the back of the gym"

Adam finds a place to pull over. "Go get it then"

"Thanks"

Jay runs to the gym, which is a few blocks away. He gets to the gym doors and walks in. he goes to the back where he sees me. At this point in time, I'm doing a load of back flips. Jay grabs his jacket and continues to watch.

A couple minutes later I stop and hold my head. "Man, I can not do that for 2 hours straight"

"Wow" Jay says amazed at what he just saw

"Oh, hey Jay"

"Hey Zoe… that was amazing"

"Thanks, how much did you see?"

"Not enough"

"Great… that's really good to hear"

"Did you do gymnastics when you were little?"

"No… I just had a trampoline, a bed, a couple of sofas and a very young mind that made me do all that stuff"

"Well, it's really good"

"Thanks"

"Well, I got to go… I'll see you later"

"See ya Jay"

He begins to walk out and I spot a pole. "Wait Jay… I need your opinion on something"

"Sure, what is it?" he says and walks back into the room.

I roll out the ring and run towards the pole that I just spotted. I jump and wrap my legs around it. I spin on the pole, hang upside down from it, spin a bit more and jump off.

"That… that's what I need your opinion on"

"But, why opinion?"

"You're here, and I needed to show someone to get their opinion"

"Well… honestly… if you had less clothing on, I would've thought that you were a pole dancer or something"

"Thanks Jay… that's all I needed to know"

"Okay… well, I'll see you later"

"See ya" I reply and watch him leave.

I see him run back towards the car. I feel a smile come to my face. I don't know what it is about Jay, but he is the best one out of those guys.

Jay gets back to the car.

"Where you been?" Adam asks

"Getting my jacket… why?"

"It took you a while"

"Well, I saw something amazing while I was there, getting my jacket"

"What was it?" Terry asks

"It's Zoe… she is… wow!"

"What about her?" Adam asks, wondering what it is that he's talking about

"Dude, I told you ages ago… her ass is wow"

"It's not her ass… nothing to do with her body… but something else"

"Man, just tell us" Chris says

"Well…"

"Jay… tell me" Terry says and leans over to Jay

"Alright" Jay says and begins to explain to Terry what he saw, whispering of course. He finishes.

"Oh, trust me Adam… you will be finding out for yourself later" Terry says

I finish up 30 minutes later when my stomach starts to rumble and growl at me. Guess I have to feed it. To KFC I go! Man, I haven't had this in ages… the nuggets are my favorite here. Yummy! I know it's bad for me, but it's yummy! That's the thing with most things yummy, they're bad for ya… which really sucks.

I head back to the hotel and get ready to leave to work at 3pm.


	15. Friday Night Special pt1

I get to work on time and get ready to do what I gotta do. First it's the usual… late lunch & dinner service. Then, when 8:45pm hits… it's time for the poles to come out, the girls get into their little clothing and it all starts.

8:40pm… I finish my serving shift and Jim walks in to take over. I go into the back and get ready with the rest of the girls.

8:45pm… its show time. The music hits and we all head out there. Man, things I have to do for this job… but it's all worth it. As I spin on the pole, I scan the room. The guys aren't here yet. Great!

9:30pm… a few familiar faces walk in… the guys are here.

"You sure this is the place Terry?" Chris asks

"Yeah, I was here the other day… but heck, they weren't doing the special"

"I can't see her" Adam says

"Hey Adam, isn't that her?" Jay asks pointing at me who just did a cartwheel to the other pole

"Oh my god!" Chris says when he sees

"No, it can't be… she's a bartender, not a pole dancer" Adam tries to convince himself and the other guys

"No, no… that's Zoe alright" Terry concludes

"I'll get us some beers and we'll sit down" Jay says and walks towards the bar

As I spin on the pole, I get a glimpse of the boys. I think to myself "Well, they're here now, Adam's probably pissed off, maybe confused… if they sit near here, it'll be time to face the fire".

"So where should we sit?" Chris asks with a drink in hand

"I don't know" Jay replies

"How about, near Zoe?" Terry says

"No, there are some seats over there" Adam strongly replies

"You know, I only said that we should come tonight because I knew she was doing this" Terry explains

"Wait, you knew? Why didn't you tell me?" Adam asks

"It was a secret between me and Zoe… she had my hands tied when she told me that if I told you before she told you about it, that she wouldn't wear a thong anymore… so I kept my promise"

"So she was going to tell me?"

"Yeah… soon enough she would've… if she hated it, she was going to quit altogether, if it was the other way, she was going to tell you like next week or something"

"Oh, okay then"

By this time, the seats Adam pointed out were taken

"Let's go sit near Zoe then" Chris says and makes his way over to the 5 seats near where Zoe is

They all follow and sit down.

"Hey boys… enjoying yourselves?" I ask as I see them sit down near me

"Sure am sweet-cheeks" Terry replies with a cheeky grin

"Good… wish I could tell ya the same" I respond

"Hey baby, you know…" Adam starts

"Hang on… I gotta do this" I say

I cartwheel to the top-center of the stage along with another girl. We do a load of back flips down to the center runway thingy. We get to the end and go back up the runway thingy back to the poles we were at.

"You were saying…" I say

"It doesn't matter" Adam sighs

"No, no… tell me… you said, 'hey baby, you know'… I know what?"

"If you don't like doing this… you can quit"

"I know that… but I'm not a quick quitter, plus I really need the money… this is only 4 hours a week"

"Fine, I'm just saying"

"I know sweetie… anyways, I'm lucky… I'm not one of the girls that have to get their boobs out"

"Oh damn it!" Terry complains

"Don't worry Terry, if you stay after my shift is done, then you'll see some boobs… it's why I'm lucky… my shift finishes as the bikini tops start coming off"

"Well, I'm staying!" Terry finishes

"Of course you would Terry!" I smile

"And we'll get going once your shift is done… right?" Adam asks

"Sure… where we going?"

"Somewhere"

"Okay"

Jay sees one of the girls go off with one of guys that was sitting in the crowd around the stage.

"Where they going?" Jay asks

"Private lap dancing probably" I reply

"You guys do lap dancing?" Jay asks

"Yeah… one 20 pays for 5 minutes"

"Sweet" he says and goes into his jacket pocket. He pulls out a 20. "Come on then!" and hands me a $20 bill.

"Alright, let's go" I say and take the money.

I jump down from the stage and grab his jacket sleeve. I pull him towards the back of the pub. We come to a hallway of about 10 doors. All for lap dancing.

"Taken, taken, taken, taken, taken, taken… and a free room" I say as we pass the rooms

"Wow, six lap dances are going on at the moment"

"Yeah… and seven once we get started"

"Wow"  
We enter the free room and he spots the chair and sits down in it. Here we go!

We get started and he can't stop grinning a cheeky one.

2 minutes in and he's able to wipe it off his face for a bit.

"You know Zoe, I really like you"

"Really Jay? Did you only just liking me now?"

"Yes to the first question, and no for the second"

"Then when did it start?"

"Well I really realized it earlier today"

"Oh, when I was doing all those flips in the ring?"

"No, earlier… when all of us were working out together, and we were all talking… I just couldn't take my eyes of you"

"So you like my body?"

"No, well yes, but your personality really stood out for me"

"In a woman, what do you look for first? Personality or looks?"

"Personality… then the looks"

"Oh Jay, I wish more men were like that"

"Yeah… we are a very rare species of men"

"I know… and I wish it wasn't as rare as it is"

"How about you? What do you look for first in a man?"

"Uhh… it used to be looks, but after leaving a load because of their personality, I now defiantly look for the personality first"

"Cool… do you like me?"

"Well… let's just say that compared to Chris and Terry, that I would love you"

"How about compared to Adam?"

"Uhh… not too sure… it's hard to compare you two"

"Do you love him?"

"I'm not up to that stage with him… and depending on how our relationship goes, tells how long it will take for me to get to that stage, if I get to that stage"

"Oh, okay then"

"Why? Did he tell you something?"

"Oh, no, no… I was just wondering"

"Okay then… how much time we got left?"

"Uhh… one minute"

"Okay… what do you want me to do in this last minute?"

"Can I have anything? Because what I really want will make Adam super mad if he finds out"

"Sure… heck, me doing this has probably already pissed him off… so yeah"

"Come here then" he says and slaps his lap

I climb back onto his lap.

He rakes his fingers through my hair and I see where this is going.

"You have the most beautiful eyes" he says softly looking deeply into my eyes

"Thanks"

He leans in for a kiss, and we kiss for the rest of the minute. A little alarm goes off in the room. We stop kissing.

"Oh come on" Jay yells at the alarm

I get up and turn the alarm off

"How much is it for another minute?"

"$4"

"Damn it… I only got $2"

"That won't get you much around here"

"I know… you don't take credit cards do ya?"

"Nah, none of us do"

"Guess my time is up then"

"Yeah"

He stands up and heads out of the door. I see him go back to the guys with a smile on his face. I laugh slightly to myself and think… "Damn he's a good kisser". I head out the door and head back to the stage and pole.


	16. Friday Night Special pt2

"How was it?" Terry asks Jay

"Really good" Jay replies with a cheeky grin on his face

"Sweet" Terry says

Adam shakes his head slightly and looks over at me on the other side of the room, on the opposite pole to where I was before. He watches me for a couple of minutes. Watching me spin on the pole for tips. Watching me tease the group of guys sitting around near me. He laughs slightly and walks over towards me.

"Oh come on, take it off" one of the guys of the group near me says

"Sorry guys, my shift finishes before the tops come off"

"What time is that?"

"11, but I'm off the poles at 10 to 11"

"Sweet, thanks sexy"

"No problem boys"

Adam stands behind the group of guys

"Oh, hey sweetie" I say

"Hey baby, can I talk to you for a second?" Adam asks

"Sure, but you're gonna have to buy me a drink or buy a lap dance"

"I'll get you a drink"

"Alright" I say and slide down the pole. I land on the stage floor in the splits. "Man, I did not know I could do that in this"

"Wow, bravo, bravo" the group of guys say and clap

"Thanks, and its brava… I'm a girl, not a boy"

"Baby, come on" Adam complains

"I'm coming" I tell Adam. "Be back soon guys" I say to the group of guys as I make my way off the stage

We head over to the bar.

"What you drinking?" Adam asks

"Lager, any lager"

"Cool" Adam responds. "Can I get 2 Alpine Lagers, one in the bottle and the other as a pint" Adam asks Jim

"Sure thing Adam… that'll be $12" Jim replies

Adam hands over the money and Jim gives him the drinks.

"Hey Zoe" Jim says

"Hey Jim" I reply

"Getting much tips tonight?" Jim asks

"Yeah… I've swept up quite a bit tonight"

"Good on ya"  
"Yeah"

"Okay, how does this place know my name?" Adam buts in

"The name gets around really easily" I reply

"Aww… you been talking about me"

"Here and there your name does get mentioned and most of the time it's out of my mouth, yes"

He smiles

"So what did you want to talk about?"

"Uhh… damn it, I forgot"

"Really?"

"Yeah… wait, I remember… Jay said that he enjoyed the lap dance you gave him"

"Is that it? Really?"

"Yeah"

"Well… when they leave with a smile on their face and an unzipped fly, you know you've done your job"

"Wait… unzipped fly?"

"Yeah… Jay told me that it gets him more comfortable in his jeans"

"Oh… okay then"

I take a good long sip of the lager. "You know, I'm surprised that when I said that you'll have to buy me a drink or a lap dance, that you didn't take the lap dance"

"Maybe because I also wanted a drink, and that I know I can get a lap dance from you for free after this"

"Oh really? You think you'll get one for free?"

"Yeah… why shouldn't I?"

"Good point"

"So you heading back to the hotel after your shift here?"

"Maybe… unless you got a better idea"

He smiles his cheeky smile… "I might, I might"

I laugh slightly… "And where's this place?"

"Oh, you know this place"

"Okay… I'll trust ya!"

"Why don't you trust me?"

"I do most of the time… do you trust me?"

"The majority of the time"

"Huh… good enough"

"Where's Zoe? I want a lap dance" Terry asks Jay and Chris

"Over near the bar, talking to Adam" Chris replies

"Sweet"

"Wait Terry… you're just gonna distract them" Jay says

"Yeah… it's her job…"

"Fine" Chris & Jay say as Terry walks towards the bar

"You know, I…" Adam starts

"Hey sweet-cheeks" Terry buts in

"Terry, we're kinda in the middle of something" Adam says

"Yeah" I add

"Well, I got some cash on me, and I thought I could help out a dear friend of mine by paying for a lap dance" Terry explains

"Oh god" I say to myself and have a long, hard sip of my lager

Terry gets a $20 bill out and waves it in front of my face. I look up at him as in "you can not be serious, not now" way. He responds with a cheeky grin as in "please, come on, you gave Jay one and he doesn't even like you" way.

"Fine" I sigh and take the money

Terry starts heading to the rooms in the back

"Baby, you might need this" Adam says and hands me the lager bottle, half full of the lager

"Thanks sweetie" I say and smile. I take the bottle and start gulping down the lager left inside. "I'll see you in 5" I tell Adam and head to the back.

I come to a room where the door is open and Terry is sitting on the chair. I pull out a slight laugh and drink down the last drop in the bottle. I enter the room and think to myself… "These five minutes could be the slowest five minutes of my life… so let's get it over and done with". I close the door and set the timer of the alarm. Let's get it done.

Every minute goes so slowly. As the minutes go by, I earn myself some extra cash. He gave me $10 if I let him spank my ass. Very, very easy $10. And then another $10 if I shake my ass… once again, very, very easy $10.

The alarm goes off… thank god. I turn it off.

"So was it worth the money?" I ask

"Defiantly" Terry answers with a smile

"That's all I needed to hear"

He leaves the room with a smile. I follow and then have the manager running up to me.

"Where have you been? You're supposed to be on the poles" he asks

"Been giving lap dances and earning my tips"

"Well, get on the poles, now" he demands

"Fine, I'm going, I'm going!" I say and push past him towards the stage

About 45 minutes later, which included another lap dance, I look up at the clock… "10:50pm"

"Oh thank god" I say to myself

I step off the pole and head back into the dressing room. Well it's not really a dressing room, more like a place where people get ready and count their tips. Hehehe!

3 lap dances adds up to $60, add $20 to that thanks to Terry… so that's $80 out of that. Now to count the rest… damn it being in small bills.

I finish counting my tips in about 5 minutes later. You might be wondering where we keep our tips during the night once we collect them up. Well each girl has a plastic sleeve sort of thing with their name on it. We put our tips in there. Tonight I got $200 in tips. Good night for me this was. Very glad me shift is finishing in less than 5 minutes, so I think I'll get changed into my "normal" clothing. HA! Like you can call my style in clothing normal. Well, let's just say that I put my jeans and top back on.

Meanwhile…

"Hey, where'd Zoe go?" Chris asks

"Not sure… she was there a few minutes ago" Jay replies

"She's finished on the poles… she said she was going to get off at 10 to 11 to get changed and stuff before her shift finishes" Adam says

"Oh, okay then" Chris finishes

A couple minutes later I walk out of the "dressing room" and find the guys looking around the room from their seats… well, all except Terry because he knows that in a minute the tops will be coming off. Hehehe! All the guys put their attention back to the girls on the stage. I stand behind them and try to work out which one is Adam. Now, Terry is easy to pick out… he's the only one out of the four with dark hair. Adam, Chris & Jay all look the same from behind looking at their heads. Same color hair and same length… fucking confusing. I go with a safe pick a poke my head between Terry and one of the other guys.

"So, which one are we watching?" I say as I poke my head in between Terry and… Chris

"That one" Chris says and points at Sherri (one of the girls)

"Hey sweet-cheeks" Terry says

"Hey" I reply

Adam sticks his head out and looks at me with a smile. "Hey baby"

"Hey sweetie" I reply

"Come here"

"Oh… do I have to?"

He looks at me in the "come on" way

"Fine" I say and walk over to him

"Hey Zoe" Jay says as I poke my head between him and Adam

"Hey Jay" I reply

It goes silent for a few seconds… awkward silence…

"You know, it is so hard to tell you guys from the back of your heads" I say

"Who, me and Jay?" Adam asks

"And Chris" I reply

"No, really?" Jay says

"Yes really!" I reply back. I stand up… "I'm gonna get going… their tops are gonna come off in any minute now, and I don't want to be here for it"

"Bye Zoe" Chris, Jay and Terry say

"I'm coming" Adam says and gets up

"But, how am I supposed to get back?" Jay asks Adam

"Hitch a ride with Chris or Terry" Adam replies

"Fine… see ya" Jay finishes

"Let's go" Adam says to me

"Alright, I just have to sign out" I say and make my way to a clipboard behind the bar.

I sign out and you hear all the guys in the pubs yell, scream, whistle and shout as the girls take their tops off. I laugh slightly. I look up and see Adam staring at the stage.

"Let's go then" I tell him

"Hang on… just a second" he replies not taking his eyes off the girls

"Keep looking and you don't get a single look at mine tonight" I whisper into his ear

Straight away he looks away and looks down at me with a smile.

"I'm not looking at them no more" he says

"That's what I thought… now come on… I wanna get going"

"Fine… let's go"

We leave the pub and we drive to his place.

We get to his place and the fun starts the moment we stepped through the front door… literally! We get to his bedroom and jump onto the bed. Our clothing falls off our skin.

"You're still wearing your pole dancing clothes" he says when he sees the bra and panties I'm wearing

"Yeah, well… my pole dancing clothes is my bra and panties that I wear on that day" I reply

"Oh, okay then"

We kiss and get underneath the covers. And just because I feel like it, I'm going to introduce what we did like this… time for some good ol' hardcore, dirty sex. HA! How's that for an introduction? Hehehe!


	17. Revenge is Sweet

A few weeks later, it is a week before Christmas. The guys are on the road after a week long of events. Think they are in LA. Yeah, they are. I've been earning quite a bit with my job and been looking for places to rent. Nothing yet, unfortunately. For the first week after my first Friday night shift, things were quite awkward between me and Jay. But that had all worn off after a week or two. He still grins a cheeky one when I go over their place or see them at the gym or at work. I'm used to all of that now.

"I think I love her" Adam says out of the blue in the passengers' seat

"WHAT?" Jay screams

"Dude, you can't be serious… I mean, not yet" Terry says

"He's got you there Adam" Chris states from the drivers' seat

"But I am… I love her"

"WHAT?" Jay screams again

"You've been with her for about 2 months… you haven't established the love factor yet" Chris explains

"What do you know? Your longest relationship lasted a month back in senior year" Adam responds

"Oohhh…" Terry says

"And the last relationship you were in was in junior year, which only lasted 5 weeks" Chris tells Adam

"Oohhh…" Terry goes again

"Adam, if you tell her that you love her, who knows what will happen… but since it is this early in the relationship, you would probably freak her out, and most likely won't say it back" Jay explains

"How do you know? None of you do, none of you know her like I do… I'm her boyfriend, I can see in her eyes that she loves me too" Adam complains

"Oh no, she doesn't" Jay says quietly under his breath

"Jay, what did you just say?" Terry asks

"Nothing, I didn't say anything" Jay replies

"No, no… I heard you say something"

"I didn't say anything"

"Fine, fine… but I know you did, but if you say so… fine!"

"I don't care what you guys say… but I'm going to tell her on Christmas night" Adam says

"WHAT?" Jay, Terry & Chris scream

"Wait, are you going to tell her before or after sex?" Terry asks

"Why do you want to know?" Adam asks

"Because there will be a huge difference of her responses, depending on when you tell her" Terry explains

"Explain more…" Adam says curiously

"Well, if you tell her before then there is a chance that she'll just stare at you like you're a crazy man, she might walk out, there is a small possibility that you'll get a spoken response, which most likely won't be 'I love you too'… but the huge upside to it is that saying it before the sex shows that you really love her, not just the sex that you guys have together"

"What if I say it after?"

"Then, you might look selfish, but she'll nod and go 'aha' or 'yeha' to the majority of the things you say, 'cause heck, you've just had sex, and she most likely won't pay close attention to what you are actually saying"

"Okay… think I've chosen when I'm going to say it now, thanks Terry" Adam says

"Adam… aren't my parents and your mum coming up for Christmas?" Jay asks

"Yeah, why?"

"So they are going to meet Zoe?"

"Yeah… oh shit!"

"Yeah… exactly"

"Mum's going to think that Zoe's out of my league"

"And think that she is just with you for the money and because you're a famous wrestler"

"Which she isn't"

"Yeah… you see my point now"

"Oh that could get ugly"

A few days later… I'm at work serving the usual people, getting my tips and earning my pay check.

"Thanks, I'll bring it over to you once it's done"

Adam walks in as I wipe down the bar top.

"Hey baby"

"Hey sweetie, can I get ya anything?"

"Just a packet of cheese and onion walkers"

I grab him a packet and give it to him. "That'll be $4"

"What, you can't give me a discount?"

'Sweetie, I don't even get a discount… now pay up or I'll have to take them back"

"Fine…" he says and gives me a $5 bill

"Man, it's only $4 anyways… in Australia, if you wanted a packet of crisps from a pub it'll cost ya at least $7" I say and give him $1 change

"Okay… anyways there was a reason for me coming here"

"Really? What might that be?"

"My mum is coming up on Christmas, and I'd like you to meet her"

"Okay, sure"

"Ay, are you doing the specials this week?"

"Nah, I got Christmas Eve, Christmas and the day after off"

"Really?"

"Yeah, we won't be getting many people in on those days anyways, and they said that because it's the first my first Christmas weekend on the job, I got it off"

"Sweet… more time for just us"

"Yeah, there will be"

I lean over the bar top and we kiss quickly.

"Your breath taste like those crisps"

"I know, it's yummy'

'Well, that's one way you could put it"

Mark 'dings' the bell… "Order up"

"Hang on, I gotta get this"

"Sure" Adam says as I go

I take the order to the table… "Alright, I got 2 burgers, one with extra onion, wedges, sour cream and sweet chilli sauce, and onion rings"

"Yep, thanks love" the guys say

I put the food in front of them… "Enjoy"

Christmas Eve, I feel really bored… so it's time for some 'payback'. It's 3pm and I call Kim. I call her about 15 times and there was no pick up. Payback has started, baby! Two hours later I call her again. She picks up and I hang up straight away. Oh this is fun.

"What the fuck?" Kim says to herself

10 minutes later I call again.

"What?" Kim yells to answer

"Hey… what's up with you?" I ask

"Someone has called me a load of times then called me again but just hung up, fucking waking me up"

"Oh yeah, that was fun" I say and laugh slightly

"That was you? You bitch" she yells

"Yeah, that was me"

"All of it?"

"Yeah, all of it"

"Why?"

"I was bored"

"Is that the only reason?"

"The main one, yeah"

"What were the other reasons?"

"Well, remember when you called me really early over here"

"Yeah"

"Well, this was all a bit of payback… plus I was really bored"

"Well, I'm going back to sleep now, if I can…"

"Okay, get no sleep like I did! Oh, and Merry Christmas for tomorrow… that's for Sera as well"

"Fine, Merry Christmas from us"

"Now, stay awake, don't sleep" I say and slightly laugh

"You're a hoe!"

"Oh really? Really?"

"Well not really, but you are defiantly a bitch"

"Oh… okay then…"

"I'm going to head back to bed, try to get some more sleep"

"You go try, you go fail, you go blame me for all this, you go be… something"

"See ya bitch!'

"Bye"

She hangs up and I fall off the bed laughing.

"Oh, that was fun!" I say to myself


	18. Fancy Talk

Christmas comes along and I wake up next to Adam. It's 9am and I'm still tired. I can't sleep for much longer and Adam wakes up slightly.

"Merry Christmas baby" he says half asleep

"Thanks baby, Merry Christmas to you too"

We kiss and he looks over at the alarm clock.

"Oh, only 9am"

"Yeah, too early ay"

"Yeah… and my mum will be here in two hours"

"Two hours… really? Why that early?"

"Because they are like that when it comes to holidays"

"Do you think she will like me?"

"She might!'

"Might?"

"Yeah, she might like you, she might not"

"Oh… okay"

"It'll be fine, trust me"

"Okay… wake me up in half an hour"

"Alright, I'll put my alarm clock for it"

"Why? I want you to wake me up, not the alarm clock"

"Why's that?"

'Because I had an alarm clock waking me up throughout my whole teenage life… and I hated it, when I finished school I destroyed it with my dad's sledgehammer"

"Fine, I'll wake you up!" he says

"Thank you sweetie"

He kisses me on the cheek and we fall back to sleep.

1 hour later… Jay runs into the bedroom in slight panic. Adam has his arm over me.

"Guys, you need to wake up now… they will be here in less than an hour" he screams

I open my eyes slightly. "Not the wake up call I was expecting" I say to myself, half asleep. I turn my head and see Adam sleeping like a little angel. "Sweetie, you got to get up" I tell him and nudge him a few times

"What?"

"Get up!"

"Why?"

"Jay said so, he also said that they'll be here in less than an hour"

"I don't care anymore, I'm too comfy"

Jay leans at the doorway… "Come on Adam, its quarter passed 10, they will be here soon"

"Point being…" Adam responds

"Sweetie, just get up" I tell him again

"What's in it for me?" he asks

"Well…" I start. I sit up and lean down to him… "I'm having a shower if you want to join for a quickie" I whisper into his ear

His eyes snap open and grins a cheeky smile. I sit up and grab the bed sheet. I wrap it around me and walk out of the bedroom.

"That's how you do it" I tell Jay as I pass him

Jay shakes his head and laughs slightly.

"Adam, hurry up…" I yell down the hallway

He gets up and leaves the bedroom.

"Oh, come knocking on the door if we aren't out for when they get here" he tells Jay. He runs to the bathroom

He gets into the bathroom and I'm in the shower under running hot, steamy water. I go up against the glass door and he looks at me. I smile and signal him to join me. He strips from his boxers and opens the glass door. He closes it behind him and we begin to kiss under the running water. We slowly fall… hehehe!

Half an hour we stand up… hmm, sex on the shower floor… not very comfy but really fun! Hehehe! It all pays off in the end!

A knock at the door… "Guys, they will here in about 10 minutes… you would probably want to get out of there around about now" Jay says from the over side of the door.

Adam turns off the water and we step out of the shower thingy. I grab one of the towels and wrap it around my body. Adam takes another and wraps it around his waist.

"You know what would piss him off" Adam whispers into my ear

"What? And do we really want to piss him off… he's doing a load of things today" I ask

"It'll be fun"

"Alright… what will piss him off?"

"If we leave this room kissing like hell"

"That could be fun"

"It will be" he says and starts kissing my shoulder up to my neck. I flinch slightly.

"Alright, okay, fine… just stop that" I respond

"Sweet" he says and kisses me on my cheek.

He sticks his tongue out and it touches the side of my lip. I smile and we kiss. He opens the door and we walk out of the bathroom. I jump into his arms, we continue to kiss and he carries me into his bedroom. Jay shakes his head and finishes finishing up with the food and getting ready for the people when they come. We get into his bedroom and he drops me onto the bed. He climbs on top of me and we kiss. He kisses my neck and I laugh slightly.

"Shouldn't we get dressed and ready for your mum when she gets here?" I ask

"Probably… but do you really want to do that right now?"

"Not really… but I'm going to"

"Fine" he sighs and gets off me

"Later, okay!"

"Okay"

I kiss him on his cheek and grab my clothes to get dressed into. I get dressed and Adam watches from the bed.

"Baby, do you have to wear your thong today?" he asks while I'm in my bra and panties.

"Sweetie, I only brought my thongs here, my other panties are at my hotel room" I reply as I put my jeans on.

"Heck, I'm fine with that… just make sure that my mum doesn't see the top part of them"

"You really want me to make a good first impression with your mum, don't you?"

"Yeah, I kinda do"

"Don't worry sweetie, I'll make a good one, okay!"

"Alright…"

I get my top on. "Now, get dressed, they'll be here any minute now." I throw him his boxers and he slips them on. "I'm going to do my hair".

I walk into the bathroom and brush my hair. I see a hairdryer on the bathroom bench top… "Adam, is this your hairdryer, or Jay's?" I yell down the hallway

"Mine" he replies

"Sweet" I respond. I step back into the bathroom and dry my hair with his hairdryer.

Half way through me drying my hair, the doorbell rings. Jay answers the door.

"Ay, mum and dad, Merry Christmas" he says as he sees his parents on the other side of the door

"Hey son, Merry Christmas" his mother and father responds

I finish off drying my hair and join Jay.

"Hey" I say

"Hello…" his parents say, confused

"Oh, right… mum, dad… this is Zoe, Adam's girlfriend" Jay introduces

"Oh, hey… Jay told us about you" his dad says, extending his hand

"All good things I hope" I reply and shake his hand

"Well, from what we heard, Adam is a very lucky man" his mum responds

"Great…" I say

"Jay, sweetie, I'll help you with the food" his mum tells him

"Mum, I don't need help, I got it all under control" he replies

"Nonsense…"

I laugh slightly as I see them head for the kitchen. Adam comes running.

"She here yet?" he asks, panicking

"Nah, not yet" I reply

"Sweet" he responds

We kiss quickly and we see a car driving into the driveway.

"Now she is here" he says

"Show time" I say to myself

"No, no show time, just be yourself" he tells me, quickly

"Don't worry, I'll be myself, don't you worry about that… you just be yourself" I secure him

His mum comes to the door

"Hi mum, Merry Christmas" he says with a smile

"Hi dear, Merry Christmas"

"Oh, mum, this is my girlfriend Zoe, Zoe this is my mum" he introduces

"Hi, Merry Christmas" I say

"Yes, you too" she responds, not too impressed

"Well, it's a pleasure to meet you" I say

"Charmed, I'm sure" she replies

Great, a mother that speaks fancy talk… great!

"So, Zoe, where do you work?" she asks

"Oh, I'm a bartender at a pub near where I stay"

"Stay?"

"Yeah, I've only been in Canada for about 2 months"

"So you stay at a hotel?"

"Yeah, but I've found an apartment not far from here or my work"

"Where are you from?"

"England born, Australia raised"

"Would you consider yourself more English or Australian?"

"Defiantly more English, always have been, always will be"

"Oh, okay"

"Why? Is there anything wrong with being English in your mind?"

"No, no… just wondering"

"Okay… well, I'm going to grab a quick snack to shut my stomach up"

"Alright baby" Adam says

We kiss quickly and I head for the kitchen for a quick snack.

"Well, mum… what do you think?" Adam asks

"She's… different"

"Different in a good or bad way?"

"I haven't figured that out yet… but she's different"

"Damn, that smells delicious Jay, and Jay's mum" I say as I walk into the yummy smelling kitchen

"Thanks Zoe" Jay replies

I take a piece of fruit from the platter and eat it. "Yummy" I say to myself. Jay sees and walks over.

"Hey, no eating before the main meal is served up, especially the fruit platter" he demands

"Look, I've been awake for less than an hour, had no food down me since last night's dinner, so let me eat a few pieces of bite size fruit"

"Fine, but don't eat too much, the main will be served in about half an hour"

"Don't worry, I won't"

"Good"

"You know, you and Adam worry a lot today"

"No we haven't"

"Yeah, you have… Adam worrying about what I'm going to be like when I meet his mother, worrying about what she would think of me… and now you, you are worrying about me eating too much before the main meal"

"You've proved your point" Jay's mum says

"See, I win!" I say


	19. Wait, You Love Me?

We all talked together and there were lots of laughs. Everything is going perfect. Me and Jay's mum talk near the buffet while Adam talks to his mum for a bit.

"I've worked it out" Adam mother starts

"Worked what out?" Adam asks

"Zoe" she replies

"Oh really? And, what do you think?"

"She's only with you for the fame and money"

"What?" he yells

That yell got everyone's attention

"It's true, dear, you know it, I know it, the whole world knows it"

"Well, mum, for the past few years, I've realized that I don't need your approval for anything, I still love you mum, but I don't care what you think of me or my girlfriend, because this is my life, you don't control me… and I LOVE HER!" he screams

I feel completely shocked, and so does everyone else. "Wait, you love me?" I ask, forcing words out of my mouth

Silence fills the room. There's no answer for a bit. I shake my head and walk out the back door into the backyard. On my way out I snatch a bottle of beer.

"See, look what you made me do" Adam yells at his mum.

He runs out the back door to find me leaning on the fence that's covered in ice and snow. My head is slightly down and he slowly walks up to me.

"Baby, you alright?" he asks, gently

"Take a wild guess" I answer in a slightly angry tone, not looking at him

He walks up behind me and hugs me. He then kisses me on the cheek. "I'm sorry"

"For what?"

"For screaming that I love you at my mum instead of telling you to your face first"

"So you do love me? Then why didn't you answer me when I asked you after you screamed it to your mum for the whole world to hear?"

"Yes, I do… but I don't know why I didn't answer you… I guess because I didn't plan telling you that way"

"When and how were you planning to tell me?"

"Later on tonight, when it would be just us two in the whole house, so I can tell you while looking into your eyes, when you know that it was the truth about how I feel about you"

"That's sweet. How long have you known that you felt that way about me?"

"You are really full of questions at the moment"

"And you have the answers… now, don't try changing the subject… how long have you loved me?"

"I've known that I truly love you for just over a week"

"Not for long then… how do you know that you truly love me?"

"Look into my eyes"

I turn and look into his eyes

"Zoe, I love you" he tells me staring into my eyes

"How do I know that you're telling me the truth? I've had so many lies been told to me in my life that I can't tell what's a lie and the good, solid truth anymore"

He kisses me passionately for a good 5 minutes. After the kiss, my jaw aches slightly.

"I can ensure you that when I tell you that I love you, that it's the truth and nothing but the truth" he tells me, holding me close

I smile

"All I want to know is one thing"

"What's that?" I ask

"Do you love me?"

I'm quiet for a slight moment and I breathe deeply. "Adam, sweetie" I start. "I wish I could tell you but my heart isn't in that state yet"

"Oh" he says, all disappointed

"But, I can ensure you that the state my heart needs to be in for it isn't long off… trust me on that"

"I'll take your word for it"

I look up at him and we both smile. We kiss and continue to hug. Snow begins to fall on us and I laugh slightly.

"Dinner is now ready and they are still out there" Jay's dad says

"They'll come in when they are ready" Adam's mum says

"So are we going to start without them?" Jay asks

"We shouldn't, that's just rude" his mother answers

"It's going to get cold pretty quickly" he says

"Then I'm going to dig in before that happens" his dad says and begins to eat

5 minutes later, they are all eating and we go inside for some warmth and food. We eat the delicious dinner in a load of silence. There was literally no conversation unless it was a sentence or so. Like this one…

"This is really yummy Jay, and Jay's mother" I say

"Thanks Zoe" Jay replies

"He gets his cooking skills from me" his mother adds

"I know, mum" Jay says

"Well, it's delicious" I finish

Or this one…

"That was quite a kiss you two had out there before" Adam's mum says

Jay coughs a bit, slightly choking on the food

"Mother!" Adam responds

"Sweetie, it's fine… because it kinda was" I add

About an hour later they all leave.

"Okay, bye" Jay says, saying the last goodbye of the night to his parents and Adam's mum

"Oh thank god!" Adam says in relief once the door is closed shut

"Your mum hates me" I tell Adam

"No she doesn't" he responds

"Yeah she does" I argue

"Adam, buddy, she does" Jay adds

"See, I told you" I tell Adam, winning the little argument

"Fine, fine" Adam agrees

We all head to the lounge room for a couple of beers and watch a bit of Christmas specials. You know, you would put the telly on Christmas and every single show will have a Christmas theme to it… well, they are the Christmas specials. After the first one we watched I look up at the clock. I grab my cell phone out of my handbag and head up the hallway.

"Where you going, baby?" Adam asks

"I gotta do some stuff" I reply

"She has to call her peeps back in Australia to say Merry Christmas" Jay clarifies

"See, someone gets it" I say and make my way towards the bedroom

First call goes to my blood family… hehehe… my other family is Sera and Kim, so my blood family is my mum, dad and brother.

It rings about 5 times. I'm about to hang up when Liam (my brother) answers.

"Hello…" he answers

"Hey Lee-Lee" I reply

"Who's this?"

'It's your sister, put me on speaker"

"Oh… hey Zoe, sure yeah, I'll put it on speaker and get mum & dad"

"Thanks Liam"

He puts me on speaker and I hear dad in the background. I laugh slightly. "Hey peeps" I say

"Hey princess" dad says, I'm guessing from the kitchen, probably making himself a cuppa.

"Hey dad"

"You want a cuppa?" he says

"Yeah thanks dad, send to me in Canada"

"Damn!"

"Zoe, what did you get for Christmas?" Liam asks

"Well, I had nothing to unwrap, but got something a lot more special" I reply

"What could be better than unwrapping gifts on Christmas?" Liam asks… he's always been like that… to him Christmas is only unwrapping gifts… silly bastard

"Trust me Liam, when it happens to you, you will think it is the best thing in the world" I respond. "Hey, guys… calling internationally on this costs quite a bit… so Merry Christmas and Happy New Year"

"You too" they say

"Oh, and when the rest of the family calls, tells them I said Merry Christmas and Happy New Year"

"Okay" mum says

"Bye"

"Bye" they all say

I hang up and call Kim & Sera. There's no answer so it goes straight to the messages. They still haven't changed the message on there, so it still says me, Sera & Kim… they really need to change it! The beep bleeps and I leave my message.

"Hey guys, it's Zoe… just wanted to say Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year… oh and, you guys should change the message thing on here, because it still says me in it, when I'm no longer with you guys in Australia… so yeah… talk to you guys soon, bye" and hang up. I head back to the lounge room and watch the next Christmas special with Adam and Jay.

An hour or so later, Jay gets up and looks and me and Adam. Adam has his arm over my shoulder and is holding me close. Adam looks up at Jay.

"What? Can't I cuddle with my girlfriend on Christmas night without you hating me for it?" he asks

"No, don't worry… I'm just going out to the clubs… Terry and Chris will probably be there… so I'll catch you two tomorrow"

"Okay, see ya buddy" Adam says

Jay leaves and Adam looks down at me. I'm half asleep and I feel that someone is staring at me. I open my eyes wide and look up at Adam. Adam smiles which makes me smile.

"Hey sweetie" I say

"Hey baby, Jay just left for a while"

"Cool"

"You in the mood or are you too tired?"

"I can be in the mood… where we doing it tonight?"

He kisses me and I fall back onto the sofa. He follows and we kiss passionately on the sofa. The belt buckles come undone and our jeans slowly fall to our ankles. He gets up quickly and grabs a condom from his wallet in the table draw. The rest of ours clothing comes off and we get "really close on the sofa"! Hehehe!

A few hours later, we can be found in the bedroom. By this time we are finished for the night and we hear Jay come in. We also hear Terry and Chris, who sound drunk… as in really drunk. It was really funny listening to them. They were singing random songs, falling over, saying that they love each other… then saying stuff like "stay away from my wife" when neither of them have a wife. It was really funny. Oh so drunk!

They stubble up the hallway and soon enough made it to the bedroom. Oh, when I say soon enough… I mean they took a good 10 minutes, if not more. By the time they reached the bedroom, me & Adam were sound asleep. I slightly hear, I think 'drunk' Terry say something… "Good on ya man" and then puke! I know he puked because 'drunk' Chris yelled it out… "Dude, you just puked" and then puke! I wake up slightly and see Chris with his head down puking his guts out.

"Eww…" I say half asleep

Chris looks up, dazed eyes, at me. "Hey… how you doing?" … and pukes

"Not too good, now!" I reply. I look down at Adam who is still sound sleep & snoring. I hit him gently and push him.

"What?" he says and rolls over.

"Wake up and sort the guys out" I say and lay back down

"Okay" he says and sits up. He looks at the guys who just smile and wave. Adam takes the pillow from under my head and gets up. He covers his penis with the pillow and walks to the bedroom door. He slams the door shut and heads back to bed. He throws me the pillow. "Better?" he asks

"Yeah, but you could've used your pillow"

"Yeah, well… I didn't want my pillow to smell like my penis" he says and holds me close

"Good point" I say and laugh slightly. "I'm going back to sleep"

"Alright, night baby"

"Night sweetie"

We kiss

"Love you" he says

I smile. "I know"

He kisses me on my forehead and we fall asleep.


	20. We Can So!

At 11am we are woken up by a very excited Jay.

"Adam, Zoe… you have to see this" he screams

"What? What?" Adam says, sitting up suddenly from Jay's screams

"5 more minutes" I say, half asleep

"No, you guys have to see it now"

"Fine" I say and sit up. I rub my eyes and look at Jay

"Come on!" Jay complains

"Alright, alright… we're coming… right baby?" Adam says and looks at me

"Yeah, yeah… we're coming" I respond

Adam grabs my pillow and I grab the whole bed sheet. Adam covers his penis with the pillow like last night and I wrap the bed sheet around my body.

We follow Jay who is jumping around like a little kid… it's so cute! We follow him to the back door and our jaws drop.

"Jesus!" Adam says, shocked by the sight

"Exactly… isn't it great?" Jay says all excited still

"That's, uhh, one way you could put it" I answer, shocked

Inches, inches and inches of thick, white snow covers everywhere and everything outside.

"That must be at least 5 feet deep" Adam says

"Yeah… it's awesome" Jay screams and runs to his bedroom to put some suitable clothing on (note: he was only wearing his boxers) for the snow.

I turn to Adam. "Wow"

"Yeah, he hasn't been this excited since we got our contracts" Adam replies

Jay comes running back with a beanie, jacket, trousers and a pair of gloves and shoes on. He runs out the door and falls in the snow. We both laugh slightly.

"Hey, I'm going to get a hot shower" I tell Adam and start to walk towards the hallway.

"Okay baby… I'm going to watch Jay for a bit… it's funny but I don't want him to get too hurt before our big match" he replies

"Okay… your loss right now" I say and head for the bathroom

"Yeah, yeah" he says and then realizes … "Wait, I need a shower too" he says and runs for the bathroom

"That's what I thought you said" I say to him once he gets to the bathroom and I turn the hot water on

We kiss and throw the manchester on the bath edge. Steam fills the room quickly and we step into the shower. We clean ourselves up first then 'get dirty all over again'! Hehehe!

We step out about 45 minutes later, kissing. Jay is stills outside in the snow and we (me and Adam) go get dressed in some warm clothing so we can join Jay outside.

"Guys, its great isn't it?" Jay says when me and Adam join him in the snow

"Yeah, it is" I reply

"Amazing" Adam adds

"So where were you guys? I've been yelling to you for a while to tell you to come out here" Jay asks

"Well, I was having a long, hot shower" I reply

"How about you, Adam, where were you?" Jay asks

"I was also having a shower" he replies

Jay smiles, laughs and shakes his head slightly. "You two just can't keep your hands off each other"

"We can so" I respond

"We just choose not to" Adam adds

For the rest of the day we play in the snow. We built snowmen, had a load of snowball fights… just a load of fun. Chris and Terry popped around too… Terry plays rough in snowball fights… it's painful! He takes it really seriously and throws like a baseball pitcher… it fucking hurts!

The next day, I'm back to work, same with the guys… everyone is back to work, back to our usual lives.

New Year's Eve comes and goes like Christmas, only quicker. Welcomed in the New Year with the whole gang. Fireworks, alcohol and a lot of fun… best ever! Goodbye 1997, hello 1998!

About two weeks later I finally get my own place that I can call my own place. My proper life in Canada feels like it's now starting. I celebrate with all the guys and I end up giving Adam one of the spare keys. I got a third floor apartment between my work and Adam's place. It's not that bad really… it's a lot better than the hotel room. Glad I got it when I did because I only had one more week available at the hotel. Lucky me I guess!


	21. Think I Love Him

One week later, it is the 21st of January and I feel shit! Got the flu and it's the worst I've had in a few years. Fucking hate it. I call my boss and tell him that I'm sick so I won't be in work today. At 10am I get a call from none other than Adam. Oh that's right, I was supposed to meet them down at the gym this morning… damn it!

"Hey, where are ya?" he asks

"Hey sweetie… I'm in bed"

"Why is everything okay?"

"I just got a flu, so I won't be down at the gym today"

"Oh"

"Sweetie, don't get worried about it… I got some stuff to help get me better from the chemist down the road, so don't worry"

"Fine… get well soon baby"

"I will, and thanks"

"Love you"

"I know!" I finish and hang up

The guys finish their training for the day and head back home.

"Hey Jay" Adam yells from the kitchen

"Yeah"

"What's the recipe for the chicken noodle soup?"

"Why?"

"Zoe's unwell and chicken noodle soup used to work when I was sick so I thought it would make her feel a bit better"

"Wait, Zoe's sick?"

"Yeah, she's got a flu… she told me not to worry but I want to do something about it"

Jay gets up and makes his way to the kitchen. "I'll make it"

"No, no… I'm going to make it for her… she's sick and my girlfriend… I'm going to be a good boyfriend and make her the soup"

"Adam, do you really want her to feel more sick than she already is?"

"No, but all I need is the recipe"

"You don't want to make her sick, so I'm making it"

"But…"

"No, I'm making it and you can take the credit for it"

Adam gives Jay an evil stare… "Fine"

Jay smiles, knowing he got his way. He gets out all the ingredients for the chicken noodle soup and begins to make it. Adam watches to try and get pointers on how to cook.

Half an hour later, Adam arrives at my apartment and unlocks the front door with his key.

"Who's there? I got a flu and I'm not afraid to use it" I yell slightly and coughing afterwards

"Only me! And how are you going to use a flu as I weapon" Adam replies

"I have my ways in mind"

Adam walks into the bedroom where he sees me in bed with a load of dirty tissues in a pile on the bedside draws.

"What you doing here anyway? I told you not to worry about it" I ask

"Because I love you and want to make you feel a little bit better, no matter the costs"

"Aww… how do you plan on doing that?"

"With some warm, chicken noodle soup"

"Yummy"

He hands me the bowl/tub with a spoon. "It's my mother's recipe"

"Did your mother make this one?"

"No, of course not… if she did I wouldn't have gave you it, plus she wouldn't have made one for you"

"So who made it?"

"I did"

"Aww, that's so sweet" I say and open the lid to find a little note under it (on the lid) and laugh slightly. I have a spoonful. "Umm"

"Is it good?" he asks

"Yeah it is… delicious… tell Jay I said thanks"

"Jay didn't make this"

"Really? Because the note he left on the lid tells me different"

"What's it say?"

I have another spoonful and read the note. "'Zoe, get well soon. Don't let Adam fool you into thinking he made this, he's a terrible cook, which is why I'm the one always cooking. I cooked this from my own recipe – Jay'"

"Yeah, well… I came up with the idea of making you one, I wanted to make it myself but Jay convinced me not to" he tries to explain

"I would have thought so, since you and my boss are the only people I've told"

"And now Jay knows too"

I laugh slightly and nearly spit out my mouthful of soup. "Yeah, now it'll get around quick… I'll probably get something from Terry saying 'get well soon sweet-cheeks'"

Adam laughs slightly and smiles. He rubs the quilt where my legs are. He leans in for a quick kiss before I stop it with my index finger.

"Sweetie, I'm sick… you don't want to kiss me right now"

"I know… but I still do" he says and kisses me

I smile and laugh slightly. "You know, you're going to end up getting sick now"

Adam laughs slightly. "I don't care, it'll be worth it"

I sneeze… "That's really sweet"

"Thanks" he says and kisses me again. "And just so you know, it'll always be worth it when it comes to you"

I smile and realize that he's the best I could ask for, and think that I might just love him.

"I'll see you tomorrow to see how you are, okay?" he says

"Yeah, okay… I'll see you tomorrow"

He kisses me on the cheek and gets up to leave. "Love you" he says and leaves out the door

"Hey, Adam" I yell slightly

Adam opens the bedroom door and pokes his head in. "Yeah baby"

I freeze, wanting to tell him that I love him. "Uhh, nothing, just thanks"

"No problem baby, I'll see you tomorrow"

"See ya"

He closes the door behind him and leaves the apartment. I bite my bottom lip and finish the chicken noodle soup.

A few hours later, I am lying in bed, watching some random television… really boring but I can't get one thing out of my mind. I need advice and I need it now. It's 5pm here in Canada which means it's 5am in Australia… so pretty early there but I'm desperate for the advice.

"Hello…" Sera answers, really sleepy

"Hey Sera"

"Zoe, what's up? It's 5am in the morning, so it better be good"

"I think I love him"

"Who?"

"Adam, you know… my boyfriend"

"Oh yeah… oh shit, you love him?"

"Yeah, it's been bugging me for hours"

"Have you told him?"

"Nah, not yet… I mean, I was going to, but I froze" I say and sneeze a few times after

"Zoe, are you sick? Do you need to come back home to Australia?"

"Yes I'm sick but I ain't going back to Australia"

"Damn it, fine… hey, I'll grab Kim, she's better at this shit than me"

"Really Sera? Really?"

"Look, she's better at the advice shit"

"Alright, now I get ya"

"KIM!"

"What? What do you want? I'm trying to sleep" Kim replies

"Zoe needs help on shit"

"What sort of help on shit?"

"Advice… just pick up your phone"

"Fine"

Kim picks up the phone… "What's wrong?"

"I love him"

Her eyes snap open and she's suddenly awake. "No, no, no, no, NO"

"Why? Why no?"

"Because, now that you love him, next thing you will be engaged, then married and kids… it'll be all too much"

"Okay, so me & Adam have been dating for 3 months and you've come to that conclusion… okay"

"Well is that what you want?"

"Not right now, but maybe in the future, yeah" I tell her then sneeze a couple of times

"You're sick, aren't you?"

"Yeah, I got a flu"

"Adam bought you chicken soup, didn't he?"

"Yeah, he did… but Jay cooked it, but Adam came up with the idea and delivered it"

"Have you told him that you love him?"

"Not yet, I only just realized it today and when I was going to I completely froze"

"Has he told you?"

"Yeah, he told me on Christmas and has been telling me since"

"Aww" Sera says on the other phone

"Sera, put the phone down" Kim yells

"Fine" Sera says and puts the phone down

"Hey, this is the first time you've really been in love with someone, right?" Kim continues

"Yeah, it kinda is… any advice?"

"Uhh… calm down, when the time comes and it's right, it will just come out of ya, naturally it will"

"That's it… really?"

"Yeah, that's all I got for ya"

"Huh, okay then"

"Now rest, take your mind of it, get well soon and we'll talk then"

"Alright, see ya"

"Bye"

I hang up and start to feel worse than what I was before. That night I get no sleep.

A few days later, I'm back to work with no more flu and Adam is off work due to a flu. I knew that he'll get sick… hope he thinks it was worth it now. I make him my version of a chicken noodle soup and take it to him. I walk into the lounge room and he looks even worse than I did.

"Here, this should make you feel a bit better" I say and hand him the flask

"What is it?" Adam asks, soundly really sick… sore throat and all

"My version of the chicken noodle soup"

"Oh, thanks baby"

I sit down on the sofa at his legs. "Now, was it really worth this?"

"What was worth this?"

"Well, last week I had a flu…"

"Oh yeah, the kiss right?"

"Yeah… was it worth being sick?"

"Totally worth it… kissing you and being with you is worth everything"

"Aww, you are too sweet"

"Well I love you"

I pause for a bit and he sneezes a few times. I hand him a couple of tissues.

"Thanks" he says and blows his nose

"Yeah, no problem"

"This is really good" he says as he eats the soup

"Just as long as it helps you get better"

"Yeah, I'm starting to feel it"

"Good, I'm glad"

He signals for a tissue and I hand him one. "Runny nose"

"At least it isn't all blocked up"

"Yeah, I hate that"

I lean in and kiss him.

"Are you going to regret that in a few days?" Adam asks

"Nope!"

A few minutes later I look up at the clock… 3:15pm. "I got to go"

"Really?"

"Yeah… got money to earn, people to serve"

"Fine"

"Don't worry, I'll be back to see how you are"

"When?"

"Tomorrow, before work"

"Do I really have to wait that long?"

"Yes, you do… you also need to rest, finish that soup and take some cold & flu tablets" I say and kiss him on the forehead before heading to the door

"Fine, I'll see you tomorrow"

"Yes, tomorrow"

"Love you"

I stop in my tracks and breathe deeply.

"Baby, are you still there?"

"Yeah… I know you love me… I'll see you tomorrow"

"Bye baby"

"Bye sweetie" I finish and leave out the door and head to work


	22. Valentines

Less than a month later it's Valentine's Day. Got the day off work and I am spending the whole day with Adam. He also got the night off work… we are both really lucky for that. Jay, Chris and Terry all have to work tonight, so we know that we won't be disturbed at all tonight. We are actually going on a little trip together up to Niagara Falls… very romantic don't ya think… then staying in a hotel together for the night… you gotta love it! He also has a little surprise later… can't wait for that.

"Beautiful, ain't it?" Adam says as we stand on the bridge next to the Falls

"Yeah, amazing"

"Happy Valentine's Day baby"

"Happy Valentine's Day sweetie"

We kiss in front of the beautiful scenery.

A couple hours later we head to the hotel. Adam grabs a plastic bag out of his bag with clothing and other stuff in it. I try and work out what's in the plastic bag but can't quite work it out. Food? Clothes? Special things for later (hehehe)? Something completely different? He takes the bag to the little kitchen and gets a load of kitchen equipment out from the cupboards and a load of ingredients out from the plastic bag. Oh no, is he going to cook something for us… after not too long ago I was told that he was a bad cook?

"Do you like mushrooms?" Adam asks

"Like them? I love them… especially with beef foods" I reply

"Good… just the answer I was hoping to hear"

"Why? Are you cooking something with beef and mushrooms?"

"Yeah"

"What are you cooking?"

"Beef stroganoff"

"Oh, sounds yummy"

"That's what I'm hoping"

"Have you cooked this before?"

"Once"

"Was it good?"

"Yeah… hoping it wasn't a one off thing"

"Trust me, so am I"

40 minutes later we are sitting in the candlelight at the table, eating the dinner.

"This is really good" I say

"Thanks, I'm glad it turned out right"

"Yeah"

"You surprised of me?"

"Honestly, yeah I am, slightly… I mean, when I was sick, Jay wrote that you were a bad cook so with what you just cooked being delicious I am slightly surprised"

"Thanks, anyways I being taking some lessons in the past couple of weeks from Jay and some other guys on the road"

"What was your main reason to take those lessons on the road?"

"Well, to make us this tonight"

"Wait, Terry has been asking me over the past couple of weeks about the foods I like… did you set him up for that?"

"Uhh…"

"Adam… tell me"

"Yeah, I did… I didn't want to make something that you don't like so I got him to get the information on what your favourite foods are"

"Aww… that's sweet, different, but sweet"

"Thanks… didn't think that would be your reaction to when you found out, so thanks"

"What was the reaction you thought it was going to be?"

"I thought you would have been a bit angry or something… because I didn't find out for myself"

"Sweetie, its fine… heck, me and Terry had some good interesting conversations thanks to it"

"That's good then"

"Yeah"

About an hour later, we are cuddling on the sofa with some movies on the hotel television. I look up at him and breathe deeply.

"Hey, Adam" I say

"Yeah baby"

I bite my bottom lip for a second. "I love you"

He looks down at me. "Really?"

I smile. "Yeah, I do" I reply and feel a huge relief.

"I love you too"

We kiss for a while.

"You know, what you just told me was exactly what I wanted for Valentine's Day" Adam says

"Really?" I ask

"Yeah, I just hope it's not a one off thing"

"It isn't"

"Good"

"Glad you like it"

"Sorry I didn't get you anything"

"Trust me, you did… you just haven't realised it"

"What was it?"

"Spending a whole day with you, with no-one else and well in this lovely place"

"You're welcome"

"Happy Valentine's Day sweetie" I say

"Happy Valentine's Day baby" he replies

We kiss and we slowly drift away to sleep with the television still on, with me in his arms.

The next day, we head back home and to work. Luckily Adam only had a very small live event last night so he could get the night off.


	23. AND YOU DIDN'T TAKE IT!

About a month later, Adam has a week long of events, one after another so I have a lonely week ahead of me. I also get a phone call which was completely pointless on their behalf.

"Hello, is this Zoe Clarke?" the person on the other side asks

"Yeah it is, who's calling?" I reply and ask

"My name is Rebecca Murray, I'm the CEO for AMMA"

"And what does AMMA stand for?"

"America Match Making Agency, I got your number from Amanda McGill"

Oh great, someone wants me to do something I don't want to do. "Okay, what's the reason for your call? Because I really got to head to work"

"I know you worked for the Australian Match Making Organisation"

"Point being, and make it quick"

"I've heard of what you can do, talked to some of your ex-clients who are still very happy with the partner that you matched them with, and well, my business could really use an employee like you"

"Look, I've got a job I love right now, which I have to get to"

"I know that"

"Then why call?"

"To see if you were interested"

"Okay… where is your business based?"

"Tennessee, USA"

"Is that the only place?"

"No, we also have offices in LA, New York, Ohio, Pennsylvania, Illinois and Texas"

"I'm sorry, but unless you have one up here in Antonio, Canada the heck, I can't help ya" I say, not really sorry

"Did I mention the money involved?"

Oh shit, the reason I started Match Making in Australia… "No, you haven't, and I don't want to know"

"It's one million American dollars a year"

"One… million… really?"

"Yeah, and that's not including the bonuses and extras"

I stop for a few seconds. "Look, if I change my mind, give me the phone number and I'll contact you if I do change my mind… which I very, very unlikely"

"Okay it's 555-0120-6361"

"Thanks" I say as I pretend to write it down

"Hope to hear from you Miss Clarke"

"Bye now"

"Bye" Rebecca finishes and hangs up

"Bye bitch… I won't be calling you back" I say to myself as I put the phone down

I head out to work in time for my shift and there are no customers for a while, with no orders for Mark as well.

"So, how's your day been?" Mark asks

"Weird as always, got offered a job down in America" I reply

"Did you take it?"

"Well, I'm still here, I don't plan in going anytime soon so I ain't taking the job"

"What was the job offered?"

"Match making"

"You a match maker?"

"I've been one before, it's how I paid to get myself over here"

"So you were good at it?"

"Yeah, but it made me fucking miserable… only good thing about it was the pay"

"How much would the job offered have got ya?"

"You are really full of questions today"

"I know… it's been slow here so I'm bored"

"Understandable… uhh, the job I got offered today would have got me 1 million a year"

"Wow"

"Yeah… but it just ain't worth it, you know… I love my life right now, got a great job that I enjoy doing, great mates, good place to live and an awesome boyfriend… from the life I've had in the past, this is the best one so far"

"Cool, so if you were offered, say, 10 million a year, would you have took it?"

I pause and hesitate for a second or two. "Nah, it just isn't worth my happiness in this life"

"Sweet"

"Yeah"

"If you do end up taking it though, Canada will miss ya"

"Yeah, I know… and I'll miss Canada, but heck, I don't think that I'll take it, so me and Canada don't have to worry about that"

It was a really slow shift… next to no customers all night… super slow shift. Oh well, I still get my usual pay and the staff was able to catch up more than we would be able to on a busy night.

The next day, I get a random call from Sera.

"Hello…" I answer

"Hey Zoe" Sera says

"Hey Sera, what's up?"

"Just checking in, anything new?"

"Not really, no… only thing newish is that I got offered a different job"

"What job?"

"Match making"

"You didn't take it, did you?"

"I thought about it, but I'm not going to take it"

"Was it up in stupid Canada?"

"No, actually, it was based somewhere else"

"Where?"

"Uhh… America"

"AND YOU DIDN'T TAKE IT!" Sera yells into the phone

"No, I didn't take it, I love Canada, best life ever!"

"Yeah, without me and Kim"

"We still talk, it's not like we don't talk anymore, and you know my reasons for going to Canada instead of America"

"True that… you're a bitch, you truly are"

"Yet you still talk to me like friends do, so I can't be that much of a bitch"

Sera laughs. "Yeah"

"So, is there anything new in the land down under?"

"Nah, same old, same old"

"Interesting" I say and look up at the clock… need to head to work

"Yep"

"Hey, I got to get to work… I'll talk to you guys soon"

"Alright, see ya Zoe… oh, Kim says hi too"

"And I say hey back… talk soon"

"See ya"

"Bye" I finish and hang up. I head to the bedroom to get changed and head to work.

Another slowish day at the pub. Few tips here and there… it might have been a slow day but it's the best job I've worked at… no regrets, never will there be regrets in this life.


	24. High Cut or Low Cut?

The week ends and I get to see my boyfriend again. We meet up at a deserted park… we were literally the only people there… completely deserted which was exactly what we wanted… only us two and no one else. We walk around the park… why it's deserted I don't know, because it is such a beautiful place just waiting to be explored.

"How was your week without me?" Adam asks

"Boring… I missed you"

"I missed you too"

We kiss under a tree and he holds me close.

"That was one of the things I missed the most"

"Same… what was the one thing you missed the most?" I ask

"Uhh… I'll have to say… your boobs" he replies and smiles

I'm shocked and give him evils. I walk backwards slowly.

"I'm kidding, and you know that" he says

I continue to walk away from him

"Oh come on" Adam says with his arms open

"Nah, nope" I say and turn my back to him and continue walking

Adam starts so follow me and I turn my head over my shoulder then walk faster. Adam continues to follow and walks faster.

"You know I'm going to get you" Adam says

"I know" I reply and go faster.

He begins to run and so do I. He gets me and we fall to the ground laughing. We kiss.

"I got ya" he says and smiles

"Yeah, you got me" I respond

"Do I have you forever?" he asks

"Yeah, you do… forever" I reply and we kiss

"I love you" Adam says staring into my eyes

"I love you too" I reply

He holds me close. "This"

"This what?" I ask

"This, right here, right now… that's what I missed the most"

"Well, that's a lot better than your first answer"

"I know… but you know I missed everything about you"

"Like what?"

"Well, I missed holding you close, your smile, your laugh, your eyes, your voice, the way you stare into my eyes and at my soul when you tell me that you love me, your personality… everything!" he lists

"That was the best answer I could have ever hoped for"

We kiss.

"What did you miss the most?" he asks

"Uhh… honestly… your cheeky smile… but I missed everything about you" I reply

We laugh together and he begins to 'nibble' my ear. I moan and laugh.

"Stop it" I say

"Do you really want me to stop?" he says and continues

"No, not really"

"Then I won't stop"

About a minute later…

"Oh, Adam… I want you so much right now" I moan

"You got me" he replies

"Really now… okay then" I say. I run my hand down his chest and slip it into his pants.

He laughs slightly. "Oh, do you really want me like that, right now?"

"Yeah, I kinda do"

"Baby, I don't have any on me"

"Damn it" I say. I pull me hand out of his pants. As I lick my fingers we are startled by my cell phone ringing. I recognise the number instantly and answer. "Yeah"

"We need you in an hour earlier today" Mike, my boss tells me

"As in now?"

"Yeah, as soon as possible"

"Damn it"

"Julie went home sick, so we need you in"

"Alright, fine… I'll be there in 10 to 20 minutes"

"Thanks Zoe" Mike finishes

"See ya then" I finish and hang up

"What happened?" Adam asks

"I got to go in early today" I reply

"Why?"

"Julie went home, she's sick" I explain

"Damn it… I'll drive you there"

"Alright, but I need to get changed first"

"I'll drive you back to our place and help you pick something out"

"Aww, thanks sweetie" I say and smile

About 10 minutes later we arrive at my place, where Adam is helping me pick out something to wear to work.

"Low cut or high cut?" I ask, showing him the choices

"Uhh, high cut" he replies and points to one of the high cut tops that I have laid out on the bed

"Okay… shorts, ¾s or jeans?"

"Jeans"

"Boots or sneakers?"

"Defiantly boots"

"Alright, I'll go get changed" I say and pick up his choices and head into the bathroom. I walk out with the clothing he chose for me. "Well…" I say and stand in front of him

"Love it, very sexy" he replies with a smile.

I fake a smile. "Awesome"

"Come on, I'll drop you off" he says and we leave to me works. Somehow, in some way, I am really glad that I'm wearing a tank-top under this top.

We arrive at the pub on time.

"I'll see ya later" Adam says

"See ya" I say.

We kiss quickly and I step pout of the car. He drives away and I walk into the pub to start my longer shift. Mark laughs slightly at the clothes I am wearing when I walk in.

"You have no idea of how glad I am that I'm wearing a different top under this one" I say

"I would think so" Mark replies

I take off the over-top to reveal the low cut tank top that I was wearing underneath the high cut top the Adam picked out. Mark laughs slightly.

"That's better, now you'll get some proper tips" Mark smartly remarks

"I know ay"

About 5 hours later on a slow shift, someone decides to pop in after a training session.

"Hey Zoe" Mark yells

"Yeah Mark"

"Isn't that Adam's car out there?" he yells pointing to a car parking outside

"Oh shit, it is!" I say.

I pop under the bar and slip on my other top on (the one Adam picked out) and stand up again. I finish wiping down the bar and Adam walks in, sweaty with a smile.

"Hey baby" he says

"Hey sweetie… what can I get ya?" I ask

"Just a water"

"That's different! Do you want a glass or bottle?"

"Just a bottle thanks"

I open the bar fridge and get a cold bottle of water out. "That'll be $3" I say putting the bottle in front of him

He hands over a $5 bill. "Keep the change… consider it as a small tip"

"Alright"

He drinks quite a bit of it. "Oh, that's good!" he says

"Big training session then?"

"Yeah… Terry kicked Chris's ass!"

"And you…?"

"We all versed each other to get the biggest benefit… and then I teamed with Jay to verse Terry and Chris"

"Sweet!"

A bit later…

"What time does your shift today finish?" Adam asks

"Same time as always"

"So, do you get paid for doing part of Julie's shift?"

"A bit, yeah… I get about $15 extra to my usual shift pay, and any tips I get in that time too"

"Only $15?"

"Yeah, but I got about $45 in tips during that time… so I get about $60 more than I would usually"

"True"

"Anyways, my shift finishes in just over 1 hour"

"And mine finishes in 3 hours" Mark says from the back. He hasn't got any orders in a while

"Mark… stop listening in! I know you got no orders at the moment, but come on!" I respond

"You know what… that training session has made me hungry… I'll take a pub-style sandwich, chips and barbeque sauce" Adam adds

"Did you get that Mark?" I yell

"Pub-style sandwich, chips and barbeque sauce… got it!"

"Good… that'll be $15" I say to Adam

Adam hands over $15. "And if it's as good as I think it'll be, I hand you guys a tip"

About an hour later Jim walks in for his shift.

"Hey Jim" I say as he walks in

"Hey Zoe" he replies

"Are you starting your shift now?" I ask

"Yeah"

"Cool, I'll get going then"

"See ya tomorrow Zoe" Mark and Jim say

"See ya guys" I say and I leave with Adam by my side.

Half an hour later we arrive at my apartment. Adam kisses me on the neck to the shoulder and back.

"Sweetie" I say trying to get my keys out

"Yeah"

"Stop it, I need to find the keys and unlock my door"

"I'll stop if I get invited inside for some fun"

"But I have a small bed and you have a gigantic bed"

"I can work with that"

"Fine… just let me open the door"

"Okay" he says and stops

I unlock the door and we enter the apartment. I drop my bag onto the sofa. I turn to Adam.

"I'll slip into something more comfortable" I tell him.

I head into the bedroom and grab some lingerie. I take it into the bathroom where I change into it. Adam sits on the edge of the bed, waiting for me to step out of the bathroom. I step out of the bathroom in a lace lingerie set.

"Wow" Adam says and his jaw drops

"You like?"

"I love" he replies and smiles

I smile and climb onto his lap. We kiss and he stops for a second.

"Wait, I don't have to pay for this… right?" he asks, joking around

I laugh slightly. "You never have to pay for this"

He smiles and we continue to kiss.

Half an hour later we are kissing in bed when everything just stops.

"Do you have any?" Adam asks

"Yeah… they're in the bathroom… I'll go grab one" I reply.

I get up and head into the bathroom looking for a condom. I find one after a few minutes of looking and head back into the bedroom. I hand it to Adam and he puts it on. I climb back into bed and we start 'doing it' for the night.

A couple hours later, it's all finished for the night.

"That was… uhh… different" Adam says

"Good different or bad different? Because the way you said it sounded like bad different" I ask

"Oh, defiantly good different"

"You sure?" I ask and look up at him

"Yeah… I am" he says as he looks down at me with a smile

"Okay then"

"Did you enjoy it?" he asks

"Yeah… of course I did" I reply

We cuddle up close and fall to sleep. During the night, Adam fell off the bed when he rolled over a bit too much. He was fine though, we had a laugh about it the next day… so it's all good!


	25. Stupid, Stupid, Stupid!

Two months later there's the 6th message from Rebecca from the AMMA. These guys are despite. I've told them that I don't want the job but they just keep calling. It's weird… in the end, if I do take it, it would probably be to get them to stop calling me!

(The message) "Miss Clarke, we are yet to hear from you, we need to know if you're going to take the job or not. It'll be the one in Nashville, Tennessee. If you lost the number it is… 555-0120-6361. We wait to hear a good answer from you – Rebecca"

I yell at the answering machine… "STOP CALLING ME! Don't you realise that I don't want the fucking job, or are you that fucking thick in your fucking head!" … "Man, I more call and I will turn into a crazy person with a sledgehammer" I say to myself.

I pick up the phone and call Sera. She answers and before she can say anything I get the first word in.

"Sera… did you give my old boss my phone number?" I ask

"Uhh… yeah" she replies

"Great, I knew it"

"Why? Something bad happen?"

"Sera, buddy… by you giving my old boss my phone number, she then gave it to the chick in the USA who wants me to work for them… and I don't want to"

"Yeah, sorry about that"

"No, you're not sorry, you always wanted me to live your dreams instead of my own… you always wanted me to live in the USA, never Canada… I have my own hopes and dreams to live without you stuffing them up all the fucking time, because you are a selfish bitch who can't stand the fact that I'm finally happy, for the first time in my life I'm actually happy… I don't want to live your hopes and dreams, only mine" I yell

"Zoe… how could you?"

"look, I'm sorry for yelling at you like a mad person, but I'm fucking pissed off and fed up of that chick calling me, wanting me to do a job that I HATE… and it's your fault, because she wouldn't have got my apartment phone number if you didn't give me old boss the number"

"So what are you going to do about it?" she asks

"I don't know… maybe I'll destroy the phone I have already and get a new one with a private number so no-one will know my number unless I tell them it"

"Would you give it to me & Kim?"

"I don't know… I mean, how do I know that I can trust you not to give it to my old boss?"

"Because I'm your best friend"

I laugh slightly, now I am a mad person… "I might be your best friend, but I have my opinions on who my best friends are… you're up there but you ain't number one in my books"

She hangs up.

"Damn it, I've really done it this time… stupid, stupid, stupid!" I say to myself when I hear the hang up tone and put the phone back down.

10 minutes later of thinking… I really need a new phone number. I called the apartment manager to make sure that it was fine to get a new number and he was fine with it… thank god! Now where can I get a sledgehammer? Where's the nearest hardware store? Hmm…

I grab my cell and text Adam. "Adam, where's the nearest hardware store?"

"Lockster Drive… why?" he texts back

"Thanks sweetie… oh, I need to destroy my answering machine and phone… so I need a sledgehammer"

"Oh, okay… xx"

"Xx"

A few hours later I get a call on my cell from Kim.

"Hello…" I answer

"Zoe, I just tried to call you on your apartment phone number but it didn't work" she says

"Oh yeah, about that… I destroyed my phone and answering machine" I reply and laugh slightly

"Why?"

"Because I annoyed the shit out of me"

"How?"

"Why don't you ask Sera why?"

"She's out… what happened?"

"Sera gave my old boss my apartment number, who then gave it to Rebecca who is the person wanting me to take the job I don't want"

"And…"

"Rebecca keeps calling me… I would get phone call after phone call, answering machine message after message… it fucking pissed me off"

"Why don't you just say you don't want the job?"

"I have… oh trust me, I have"

"Oh, that's bad"

"Hey, just a random question… uhh… did you have anything, anything at all, to do with this? And do all of us a favour, and tell me the fucking truth" I ask

"Uhh…"

"Kim, tell me and tell me now!"

"Alright, alright… I did, it wasn't just Sera, I was part of it"

"So I had a huge go at Sera when it was a fucking joint thing? Great, just perfect!"

"Yeah, I'm sorry"

I laugh slightly. "You guys just don't want me to be happy in this life, have my own life where I'm happy for once in my life… so, since I was a teenager, I've been best friends with two selfish bitches… awesome"

"Yes we do, we do want you to be happy… we just don't think Canada was the way to go, and your parents think the same"

"Okay, okay… does it really look like I give a fuck of what people think about me or the life I live? I have one of the best life's I could ever hope for, I don't need people in my life trying to bring it down, because I'm happy with it all and don't want any of it to change"

"Fine, fine… if you are truly happy then I'm happy"

"Thank you, that's all I needed… you know that you & Sera are my best friends and that won't change"

"I know and she knows that"

"Good… hey, was a completely different reason for you calling, because… heck, you called me?"

"You know… there was but whatever it was wouldn't have been too important, since I've forgot"

"Oh, okay then"

"I'll talk to you soon, this is costing quite I bit"

"I would think so, alright see ya"

"Bye" she says and hangs up

"Thank god that's over with" I say to myself, feeling relief… that was something I need to get off my chest!


	26. What Have I Just Done?

Months later, still happily dating Adam, it gets towards by birthday. Now, in the past, say 2 months, something has changed… there's a very different feeling in the air… I'm not sure if it's a good feeling or bad feeling… it's all in the mix of it all… like you know something huge is going to happen and change your life doing so, but you don't know what it is, when it's going to happen and how it's going to change your life, etc. Have you ever had that feeling? If you have, you know what I'm feeling.

Business has been really, really slow at the pub and each day I keep thinking about the job I was offered months ago…slowly falling towards taking it.

A couple of weeks later, I make the decision… I don't like it, but I did it.

"Hi, is this Rebecca Murray?" I ask as someone picks up the phone

"Hang on, I'll send you though to her"

"Thanks" I say and wait

"This is Rebecca Murray"

"Hi Rebecca, it's Zoe… you offered me a job a few months back"

"Oh yes… Zoe, it's great to finally hear from you"

"Yeah… if I say yes to the job right now, when would you want me to start?" I ask

"Whenever you feel comfortable starting" she replies

"Okay… that puts something at ease"

"So do you want to take the job?"

I bite my bottom lip & close my eyes, take a deep breath and answer "I'll take it"

"Great, when would you like to start?"

"I'll start early September"

"Say… the 5th"

"Yep"

"Is it okay if we fly you out here late August?"

"Sure"

"And we'll fix you up with a place to live for the first 6 months"

"Yeah, that'll be great"

"Anything to get you working with us"

"Great"

"I'll get the flight booked and mail you the tickets"

"Thanks"

"Talk to you soon"

"Yep, bye" I finish

"Bye" she ends and hangs up

I begin to think… what have I just done?


	27. A Birthday To Remember

My birthday comes along a week or so later and Adam has a big event today… great, no one to spend my birthday with… although, I do have work today, so I won't be completely alone… plus it's a Saturday night, which means it's the 'special' tonight.

"Happy birthday baby" Adam says as I answer the phone

"Aww, thanks sweetie… you remembered" I respond

"Of course I remembered, why would I forget?"

"I don't know, looking at some of my friends experiences their boyfriends did forget their birthday… so yeah"

"Well, I guess you can see that I'm not like them"

"Thank god!"

Adam laughs slightly

"They were horrible boyfriends and people… I'm very fortunate to have one like you" I say

"I'm lucky to have you" he replies

I laugh slightly

"Hey, I'm sorry I couldn't be there today" he says

"It's fine… we both have to work… you have your big match, I have people to serve & tips to collect & poles to spin on… it's all fine"

"You couldn't get the night off?"

"Nope… heck I was lucky to get the Christmas weekend and Valentine's off"

"True"

"Plus, on those days I had you to spend it with"

He laughs slightly. "I love you"

"I love you too"

"I'll see you tomorrow"

"See you then" I say and hang up. "Man, I really wish he didn't have to work tonight… but then again, I wish I didn't have to work tonight… especially the special!"

I head to work and we are full of customers today… nice to see that for me. Had so many slow days that it's good to be doing something today!

A few hours into my shift Adam enters, while I was cleaning the counter. Mark sees and nearly tells me, when Adam tells Mark to keep quiet with the shh hand sign. Mark nods and thinks "he shouldn't do that". I turn around and Adam ducks. I turn back.

"Mark, was someone there?" I ask

"No, I haven't seen anyone" he replies

"Oh, okay" I say as Adam gets back up. I continue to wipe down the counters.

Adam quietly jumps over the counter behind me and sneaks up behind me. He puts his hands over my eyes. "Guess who…" he says

I smile slightly and put down the cloth. Not knowing who it is I elbow them in the ribs, step on their toes and fist them in the face before elbowing them again in the ribs to make them fall to the ground.

"Uhh, Zoe…" Mark says and points to the person (being Adam) on the ground

"Yeah" I say and turn to see who it was. I see Adam lying on the ground… "Oh dang" I say and help Adam up. "Sweetie, what are you doing here? You told me you had a huge match tonight"

"Surprise!" he replies with a smile, holding his ribs. "Where the hell did you learn that?" he asks

"Sweetie, in order to survive working in certain night clubs as the bartender… to need to know that stuff" I reply

"In Australia?"

"Yes, in Australia"

"That hurt"

"Sorry sweetie, it's instincts… and, uhh, you will need to get back on the other side of the counter… its staff only on this side" I tell him.

"Fine" he says and goes onto the other side of the counter

I smile and serve some more people.

An hour later, Terry, Jay & Chris walk in.

"Hey guys" Adam says as they walk in

"Hey Adam" they reply and sit next to Adam

"Evening guys, what can I get ya?" I ask

"I'll have an Alpine on the tap and a pub style burger with the lot" Jay answers

"Make that two, sweet-cheeks" Terry adds

"Yep, and you Chris…" I say

"I'll have the same, just to make it easier for ya" he says, in a sad tone

"Alright, coming up" I finish and pour their drinks. I bring them their drinks. "That'll be $20 each"

They hand me $20 each.

"Mark, I need 3 pub burgers with the lot" I tell him

"That it?" he responds

"For now, yeah"

"Alright, got it" he finishes and starts making the burgers

I walk back over to the guys. "You okay Chris? You didn't order your usual"

"I'm fine… just been thinking" Chris replies

"Oh no" Terry says

"What's so 'oh no' about it?" Adam asks Terry

"Nothing… but it would be, just depending on what he's been thinking about" Terry replies

"Well, Chris… what have you been thinking about?" I ask

"Just, seeing you and Adam happy together, it got me thinking about my life in that part of it… I want to have what you two have with each other" Chris replies, still with a sad tone

"What's happening?" Jay asks as he comes back from the toilet and sits down

"Chris wants a girlfriend" Adam answers

"Who doesn't?" Terry adds

"I don't… well, not yet" Jay says

"Chris, if you want a girlfriend, you need to go out searching for one" I tell him

The time for the special comes along & the stage with the poles come out. I begin to earn my tips and the night starts to zoom by. Before I know it, it's 10:25pm! Adam pulls me aside and buys me a drink… still surprised he doesn't buy himself a lap dance!

"Hey, can we head into the back? I need to get a few things off my chest" Adam asks

"Sure, I've reserved room 7 for me tonight" I reply

"I'll be in there then"

"I'll see you in there in a minute"

"Thanks babe" he says

We kiss and he heads to the back, into room 7. I finish my drink and go to meet him in the room. As I enter the room I see him sitting on the chair. I smile as I turn around to close the door. He gets down on one knee. I turn back around and fall, leaning against the wall in complete shock.

"Oh my god" I say in shock

"Will you marry me?" he asks, opening up a jewellery case, showing the diamond ring inside

"Oh damn!" I say, seeing the ring… knowing he is serious about this. "Adam, I… I'm not ready to be your wife, not yet!"

He stands up and walks towards me. "I don't expect you to be my wife yet, I just want you to be in my life as my awesome, sexy, funny, most amazing and beautiful fiancé… a bit more than my girlfriend but not yet my wife"

I smile and laugh very slightly. "Oh wow"

"Marriage and wife can come way after, whenever we feel ready for it… it can be a few months, it could be a year, it could be more… it doesn't matter… long engagement or short engagement… just as long as it's with you" he explains, staring into my eyes

"You've really put thought into this" I say

"Yeah, I have" he responds

I stare into his eyes and think, carefully

"Well, what do you say?" he asks, staring back at me

I bite my bottom lip. "I say, put that ring on my finger"

He smiles and slides the diamond ring onto my ring finger but stops. "Wait, that's a yes… right?"

I laugh slightly. "Nah, I just loved the ring"

He slides the ring off my finger in shock.

"I'm kidding! I thought you would have realized that! Adam, I love you… of course I'll be your fiancé and soon your wife"

He slides the ring back onto the finger. We kiss and he holds me close.

"I love you" he says, kissing me on my forehead

"I love you too" I reply

He holds me closer and it all goes quiet for a while. I begin to feel wetness on my head. I smile and laugh.

"Adam, are you crying?" I ask

He laughs slightly. "Uhh, no… but if I am, it would be of joy"

I look up at him and see wetness on his cheeks. "Aww, you are"

He lets go of me slowly walks backwards while wiping his face & eyes.

"No, come here" I say and walk up to him. I wipe his cheeks and just under his eyes and kiss him.

We kiss for a while… until Adam realizes something.

"Oh, we might need to keep our engagement quiet" he says

"Why?"

"Just until Chris gets back on his feet… this would kill him if we revealed it now"

"Oh yeah… okay… but wouldn't the ring reveal it anyway?"

"Oh yeah… uhh, when you're around the guys, just put it on a different finger… say it was a present or something… have some fun with it"

"Will do!" I say then laugh slightly

We stay in the room until the end of my shift, just talking about random stuff. Once my shift ends we head to his place.

So what about that… I am officially engaged!


	28. Just Dont Get Mad!

Just less than a week later I call Sera & Kim.

"Hello…" they answer

"Don't get mad" I say

"Why would we get mad?" Kim asks

"Just don't get mad, that's what I ask right now"

"Okay, we won't get mad, now, what is it about?" Sera asks

"I'm not Adam's girlfriend anymore"

"YES!" they scream with excitement and cheer

"I'm his… fiancé" I continue

"WHAT?" Sera screams

"NO!" Kim yells

"Since when?" Sera asks, a bit angry

"WHY?" Kim yells

"How?" Sera asks, not as angry

"WHY?" Kim yells again

"Why? Because I can and I love him. When? Since my birthday, 10:30pm. How? That's simple, he asked, we talked about it and I said yes" I answer

"Are you ready to be his wife yet?" Kim asks

"Not yet, but I will be" I answer

"When's the big day?" Sera asks, starting to get excited

"I don't know, for all I know it could be a few years before I'm his wife… it'll be when we are both ready for it" I reply

"Oh, long engagement then" Sera says

"Yep"

"Thank god!" Kim says, quietly but loud enough for me & Sera to hear

"Hey Kim, what do you have against Adam? Ever since we started dating, since you've known, you've been against something"

"Yeah… what's with that? I'm fine with it now" Sera adds

"I don't know… it's just a weird feeling… something about him I don't like, I don't know what it is, but it's something… something just doesn't feel right" she replies, confusing everyone

"Oh… okay… that just confused the heck out of me" Sera says

"Same here" I add

"It confuses me too!" Kim says

"You're the one that said it" I tell her

"Yeah, you shouldn't be confused… although sometimes I do confuse myself" Sera adds

"I know" Kim finishes

I hear beeps on my phone. "Guys, I got another call… we'll finish this next time we talk"

"Okay, bye Zoe" Kim says

"Bye future Mrs Adam Copeland" Sera adds

I laugh slightly. "Bye guys" I finish and hang up to take the other call

"Hello…" I answer

"Hey sweet-cheeks" Terry starts

"Hey Terry…"

"I heard the big news"

"What big news?"

"About you and Adam"

"What about me and Adam?"

"About you being more than his girlfriend now"

"Really now? And who told you that?"

"Jay, which was then backed up by Adam"

"So Jay knows as well… how about Chris, does he know?"

"Of what I know, he doesn't know yet"

"Okay… so I now can wear the ring around you and Jay, but not when Chris is around… cool"

"Are you allowed to wear it at work?"

"Yeah… when I'm serving drinks & food… just not for the specials… if I do that then I would get next to no tips!"

"True"

"Yeah"

"Hey, uhh, congratulations"

"Thanks… hey, I got to get to work"

"See you there"

"Really?"

"Yeah… I could use a drink"

"Alright, see you there"

"See ya" he finishes

I hang up and head to work.

An hour later…

"There you go… 3 pub-style burgers, a portion of onion rings, a portion of chips, sauces, 2 vodka-cokes and a pint of Alpine lager" I say, delivering a meal for 3 to a table

"Thank you" they reply, handing me tips

"Enjoy" I say and leave them to eat and drink

Chris walks in as I head back behind the counter. Adam, Jay & Terry are already here. I quickly take off my ring but see that Chris has the biggest smile on his face that I've seen on him ever since I met him. He walks up to me with arms wide open.

"Zoe!" he says in a cheerful tone and hugs me

"Chris! Why are you in such a good mood?" I ask, clutched in his arms. I look over at Adam.

"He knows" Adam mouths and nods

"Oh" I mouth back and slide the ring back on my finger.

"Oh, got to go" Chris says, let's go of me & runs to the toilets

"He's found a girl" Terry says

"I would have guessed" I reply

"Which is why I was able to tell him" Adam adds

"You should've have seen his face" Jay says and laughs slightly

"He didn't believe me at first" Adam says

"Why not?" I ask

"I don't know… but in the end I convinced him" Adam replies

"Okay then" I say and serve some more customers

Another week goes by… the phone rings at midnight while I'm watching my usual late night shows.

"Hello" I answer, turning the telly down

"Is that Zoe?"

"Yes it is"

"It's Rebecca"

"Rebecca who?"

"Rebecca Murray from the AMMA"

"Oh, hi"

"Everything is set!" Rebecca says, all excited

"Set for what?"

"Set for you to come down here, work for us, everything is set"

"Oh, that, right!" I respond, thinking 'oh this is bad, real bad'

"You fly out on the 29th of August, the Tuesday"

"Great"

"Is it a good date for you?"

"It's as good as any other date"

"Good, I've posted all the details off to you, so you should get everything in a week or so"

"Thanks"

"See you soon!"

"Yep, see you soon" I finish and hang up. "FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!" I scream and yell, once standing up. I sit down and stare at the ring on my finger. Oh, I get zero sleep that night! Oh, you gotta love those nights, when even a horrible glass of warm milk won't get you to sleep… yeah, it was that bad!


	29. Man, You're good!

9am comes along and my phone rings.

"Hello" I answer and yawn

"Hey baby, did I wake you?" Adam asks

"Well, if you mean that I would've had to sleep last night in order to be woken, then no"

"Why, couldn't you sleep last night? Is something wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong, it's just… nothing, don't worry about it"

"Oh, okay then… well, me and the guys are heading to the gym, I was just wondering if you'll be down there, but it sounds like you need to get your sleep…"

"No, no… I'll be there, it'll wake me up properly and keep me awake during work, I'll be there"

"Are you sure? You really don't sound up for it"

"Sweetie, I'll be there!"

"Okay, see you there"

"Yep"

"Love ya"

"Love you too" I finish and hang up. I grab my gym bag and put on my workout clothing on, and head to the gym.

On the way to the gym, the little voice inside my head keeps asking "how are you going to tell him?" Honestly, I don't know how, or when, or have a clue of how he'll react to it. He'll probably be disappointed and sad about it, I am too! I don't want to go, I love the life I have… well, had… but it got to a point where it felt like I had to take it… I don't like that decision, but it felt like it had to be made. Man, I hate that little voice inside my head… wish it decided to be more positive about something. It's always negative and always asking questions that I don't want to answer. Damn it! You know the advice Kim gave me when I first fell in love with Adam, how it will just come out naturally when it's ready… hope that advice can be applied to this… that telling Adam that I'm moving to the USA will be natural… but it's gonna be hard, naturally or not! This is gonna bug me like hell, I know it will! I wonder if a long distance relationship would work. I mean, even before & now, Adam's always on the road so he's never home, and I see him 2 days a week, usually at the most. It could work out. Can a couple be engaged to each other in a long distance relationship? Oh this is going to be harder than I thought!

I get to the gym, all the guys are there, with smiles on their faces and laughing at the stupid comments they make. I really shouldn't say stupid, I sometimes laugh at the comments too, but I'm tired and confused.

"Hey guys" I say as I enter the part of the gym where they all are, and yawn

"Hey" Chris, Terry & Jay reply

"Hey baby, you look knackered" Adam says and comes up to me

"I know… I am! But this is what I need right now" I reply to Adam, rubbing my eyes

"Well, okay… get a good night's rest tonight"

"I will" I say and smile

He kisses me on my forehead and goes back to finish his early morning workout. I start mine at the same time.

A few hours later, Adam, Terry & Chris hit the showers, leaving me & Jay on the machines. Jay makes his way on to the treadmill next to mine.

"You feeling okay, Zoe?" he asks

"Sort of, not completely" I reply

"What's bothering you?"

"Who ever said something was bothering me? Maybe it's just tiredness"

"I can tell it's not just a sleepless night that a warm glass of milk couldn't cure"

"Man, you're good!"

"So what's bothering you?"

"I'll tell ya, just as long as you don't say a word about it to Adam, or anyone"

"Wow, that serious!"

"Well, do ya promise?"

"I promise… now what is bothering your beautiful, confusing mind?"

I laugh slightly and take a deep breath. "I… I won't be in Canada for much longer"

"Why? Where you moving? When?"

"Have you ever been in a situation in your life when you really don't want to do something, you stick to that, but it just gets to a point where it's no longer about not wanting to do it, but you have to do it?"

"Yes, not too many times, thank god! Why? Are you doing something you don't want to do, but you feel you have to do it now?"

"Yeah"

"You took that job, didn't you?"

I take another deep breath. "Yeah, I did"

"That sucks… wait, which office are you going to?"

"Tennessee"

"Is there one in Florida?"

"Florida? Why Florida?"

"Adam hasn't told you?"

"Told me what?"

"Uhh… nothing, he'll tell you himself… but is there one there?"

"No, there isn't… would it have been a good thing if there was?"

"Better than it being in Tennessee, let's just say that"

I turn off my machine and look at Jay with an evil glare, thinking 'something's up, I know it'. "Okay" I say and make my way off the treadmill.

Later that day, the guys leave for their next live events and I head to work. Normal day for everyone… workout, lunch, off to work, sleep, and do the same the next day, and the day after that. That's life for ya! Although, today the guys had to leave straight after their workout at the gym, so we didn't have lunch together like we would normally when they're home.


	30. Well, See ya SweetCheeks!

A few days later, the guys get home from their live events and that morning I get a… worrying… text message from Adam.

"meet me the park 10… urgent… xx"

And that's what I did. I got showered, dressed and headed to the park… oh, when I say park, it's the park that we were at earlier in this story, the one that no one was at… yeah the deserted one! I arrive at the park, at 10am, and see Adam sitting under the shade of a tree.

"Hey sweetie" I say as I sit next to him

"Hey babe" he replies

We kiss very quickly

"I'm glad you came today" he says

"So am I" I respond and think 'this is the time, the time I tell him about me moving'

"Really? Why?"

"Yeah, I just really need to…" I continue before he cuts me off

"We gotta talk" he says

"Weird, that's what I was gonna say" I say quietly… but then think 'what does he need to talk to me about? Is it about Florida?'

"Huh…?" he asks

"Uhh, nothing… what do you want us to talk about?" I ask

"We're moving"

"Where?"

"Florida"

Knew it! "Who is?" I ask

"Me, Jay, Chris… and hopefully you"

Hang on… someone's missing from that group! "How about Terry?"

"He's going to Detroit, he's been wanting to move there for a while… just like me, Jay and Chris have been wanting to move to Florida, we just never had the money for it until about a month ago… all I need to make it perfect is you" he explains and finishes it with a smile.

"Oh shit!" I say under my breath

Silence fills the atmosphere between us for a few moments.

"I know it'll be a big change… but I know we can do it" Adam continues

I take a deep breath. "Sweetie, I can't move to Florida"

"I know you never saw yourself living in the States but I can… I see it now… warm summers and chilly winters…" he says, starting to daydream, before I cut him off

"I… I'm going to Tennessee… I already hate myself for that… I can't move to Florida" I explain

"Wait, what? Tennessee?"

"Yeah, I leave in 3 weeks"

"3 weeks... what day?"

"Tuesday, the 29th"

"Huh… same day as me"

"Really… oh, okay!"

He thinks. "I'll… come with you!"

That could be good… wait! "No sweetie… as you said, you've been wanting to move to Florida for a while… I don't want to be in the way of that… you go to Florida with Chris and Jay… and I'll go to Tennessee"

We stare into each other's eyes… I begin to see sadness in his, which makes me sad too, much sadder than before.

"So, is this it for us?" he asks, hoping to hear what he wants to hear

"No, not yet anyway… I mean, we still got 3 weeks together… I say that we make the most of the time left, do the stuff we wanted to do together but haven't yet… what's stopping us?" I answer, trying to cheer him up, and myself!

"Work…" he replies

"Damn it!"

"Ay, when's your next time off?" he asks

"When I leave the pub for good… in 2 weeks"

"Perfect" he says with an evil smirk

"Why? What do you have on mind?"

He grabs my hands, clutches them in his and looks down at the engagement ring on my finger. "Well…" he starts and rolls the ring. "We could… I don't know… go crazy and get married for a few days… just a suggestion, you know"

I laugh slightly. "Where the hell can we do that?"

"Vegas!" he replies with a huge smile

I think about it for a couple of seconds. "Okay, let's do it!"

We both smile and kiss. Oh this is going to be fun!

About a week or so later, Terry leaves to Detroit. It's weird, but I never, ever saw Terry leaving Canada… well, until now since its happening. Anyways, time to say bye to Terry… oh, I also couldn't anytime off from work to say bye to him at the airport! Terry walks into my works at 5pm, stopping off on the way to the airport.

"Bye sweet-cheeks" Terry says as he walks in

I walk out from behind the counter. "Bye Terry"

We hug for the last time.

"Gonna miss ya" I say

"You too" he replies

We let go of each other.

"Ay, can I have one for the road, or flight?" he asks, giving my puppy-eyes

"Alright, but not a word about it to Adam"

"As always!"

I turn around and begin to shake my ass. He slaps it.

"Damn!" he says, in slight excitement

I turn back around and see the huge cheeky grin on his face, which makes me smile.

"Well, I better get going" he continues

"Yeah, see you soon"

"Hopefully"

"Oh you will, don't you worry about that!"

"See you then sweet-cheeks" he says before quickly hugging me then walking out the door.

I give a little wave and head behind the counter again, wiping one lonely tear off my cheek.


	31. A Vegas Hangover With A Load Of Cash

The week ends and so does my time at the pub, doing what I love. Now, I want to take this little moment away from the actual story and give some advice that I should have taken myself a long time ago… if you truly love something, no matter what it is, no matter if you're good or bad at it, just do it, you won't regret it, if you have a love or passion for something, just go with it… it's in your heart, and it will lead you to something bigger and better, and you'll have fun while doing it! Now, back to the story at hand here… so I just left what I love to go onto something I hate. Oh, also… sorry back to that advice… if you're good at something but it's not something you enjoy doing or have the love for, don't do it, it'll make you miserable, no matter how much you get paid for it!

Back to the story…

The next week comes and goes very slowly. I pack all of my stuff up, ready to leave Canada. Adam, Chris and Jay were able to also get the week off to do all of that as well, since they are going to Florida. Damn there not being an office in Florida… it would make life so much easier! Once we all have everything packed to leave Canada, we take a very quick trip down to Vegas! It is how you would imagine it, maybe not as great, but it's all there. We plan to spend a few nights here … do a bit of gambling (ha, 'a bit' my ass!), get drunk (as in insanely drunk), get married, some more gambling and drinking! Oh wow, did I just say get married? Ha!

And that is exactly what we did… and we were insanely drunk for everything! The gambling … drunk! The marriage … insanely drunk out of our minds! And everything in between … drunk!

The morning after the marriage … wait, make that the afternoon… we all wake up with the biggest hangover ever! And I mean EVER!

I slowly lift my head and look down at my hand, and see the wedding ring on my finger. I think 'oh shit'.

"Ow, fuck" I say holding my forehead, I will not think again!

The hotel room stinks of alcohol, vomit … and something that I can't seem to put my finger on. Oh well! Not going to try and think about it, because it will hurt my head. Ha! I lift my head up again and look around the big hotel room, trying to figure out what really happened.

"Ow fuck!" … I thought again!

I then realise that I was on the floor. "Why am I on the floor? I could at least be on the sofa" I say to myself.

I look around the room again, from the floor. I see an envelope at the door. I crawl over to the door to see what's in the envelope. A few wedding photos, a wedding certificate to say that it's only legalised in Vegas and a fuck load of cash. Even with the photos, I can't tell exactly who I'm married to … oh please, don't be Chris!

"Wow… we were drunk … oh, money!" I say to myself and laughing slightly.

I try to stand up but vomit while doing so. "All acid… nice!"

I hold onto the wall to keep me standing and try to walk around the room. I vomit a couple more times. I hear someone else waking up and walk over slowly to see who it is… everyone is all over the place… I mean, I was on the floor! It's Chris, laying on one of the sofas. With my balance back for a while, I walk over to him to look at his hand. No ring.

"Oh thank god!" I say to myself

"Hey, what happened last night?" Chris asks, looking up at me

"I have no idea! Oh but looking at my finger, I got married" I answer

"Oh, okay then"

Jay walks out of the bathroom, with vomit stains on his top and around his mouth. I look at his hand from a distance … no ring.

"Oh, okay" I say to myself, realising that it must have been Adam. "Ow fuck" I say holding my head again … yeah, I thought again.

"Hey guys" Jay says, vomiting on the floor, which then makes Chris vomit. It's vomit galore!

"Yeah, I'm not vomiting… not again" I say, watching stomach acid fall onto the floor (Jay) and the sofa (Chris). I hear a groan in the background. I turn around quickly, and then fall over. There goes my balance!

Chris and Jay start laughing, and then I start laughing. Adam waddles into the room, only wearing his boxers, holding his head and vomiting. He rakes back his hair and I see a ring on his finger. I smile, but then, once again, vomit. Oh, don't you just love the taste of stomach acid in the morning, or the afternoon … well when you just wake up!

"Last night was AWESOME!" he screams, hurting everybody's head (including his own) and then collapses with a bang.

We all start to laugh … and all vomit. I crawl over to Adam and lay down beside him. I grab his hand to make sure it was there and not my mind playing tricks on me. It was there all right!

"Oh praise the lord!" I say to myself

He looks down at his hand and sees the wedding ring. "Holy shit" he says in shock and excitement.

Jay's and Chris's stomach begin to rumble. Guess we haven't eaten in a while.

"I need food!" Chris states

"Same" Jay backs up

"We need money" Adam says

"True that" Chris says and laugh slightly

"Oh, we have money" I say, remembering the envelope I found at the door a bit earlier

"Where?" Adam asks

"How much?" Jay asks

"Hang on, I'll go and get it." I crawl to the hotel room door and pick up the envelope… then find another 4 envelopes. "What the fuck?" I ask myself. I open them up and there is a fuck load of cash in each one. "Wow, we defiantly have money!" I say with a huge grin on my face. I stand up with all the envelopes in my hand and walk back to the guys. "Who's the quickest at counting money?" I ask

"I am" Chris says, putting his hand up.

"Cool, you can count 2 envelopes" I say and hand him two of them. I hand Jay one, Adam one, and I have one.

We start counting, and counting, and counting! Adam gets the envelope that also has the wedding photos in it and laughs slightly.

"Why does American money all look the same?" Jay complains

After about 10 minutes, we are all done counting … $10000 in each envelope, American that is! With having 5 envelopes … well that adds up to $50000 American!

"Guys, we have $50000" Chris states in shock and excitement

"Where did all of this come from?" Jay asks

"I don't know" Adam answers

"Zoe, where did you find this?" Chris asks

"At the door of our hotel room, as in, someone slid it under our door" I answer, "that's where I found it!"

"Are we gonna split it or spend it all before we head back?" Adam asks

"I think we should split it" Chris & Jay answer

"Same, I mean, we'll get $12500 each, if we split it all evenly" I add

"That sounds good" Adam finishes

We split it evenly … which took another 10 minutes… silly notes all looking the same to us! Once we've done that, we realise that we could have just split one of the envelopes because all of them had the same amount in each… silly us and our hangover making us do it the hard way! Ha!

We grab some breakfast, which was lunch for everybody else!

The two mornings later, we fly back up to Canada to get ready for our flight in two days that will take us back to America to start a completely new sort of life!


	32. Goodbye Canada, I'm Gonna Miss Ya

That day comes along way too fast… way, WAY too fast! At 4am, Adam (with Jay) picks me up from my apartment, we go to pick Chris up and all head to the airport. Wow, this is the day that the life I've known for the past 9 or 10 months all comes to an end, and my next life starts. An end becomes a beginning. Too many times I've experienced this point in my life, and here comes just another one of those times.

With Jay and Chris in the front, this leaves me & Adam in the back. Can you guess where this is going? *wink wink* … HA! Nah, we didn't, we did that last night, all night long … yeah, we had sex alright … heck, we have to make the best of the time left together so why not stay up all night together, have sex, talk, eat ice-cream … be us! So in the car, we slept for the whole 2 hour drive. It wasn't too comfy… well the seat & the seatbelt around my neck wasn't… my headrest/pillow was! Well, it being Adam, it's gotta be comfy … he's the most cuddly, comfy-to-lay-on guy ever… EVER!

Flight time comes along as we finish waiting outside the gate, for the last time together, until the next time we meet. My flight id first up, leaving at 10am with the gates opening at 9:45am.

"Tennessee, flight 10, now boarding" the P.A. states

"That's my flight" I say as I stand up and pick my hand luggage up off the floor

"So it is" Chris says

"Hey, uhh, thanks for making this part of my life fun and worth living, with some awesome memories … oh, and when you guys see Terry, tell him I said thanks" I say, starting to tear up

"Okay, bye Zoe" Jay says

Jay and Chris stand up and give me a big hug.

"I'm gonna miss you guys" I say, being held in their arms

"We'll miss you too" they reply

Jay kisses me gently on my head, just enough for me to feel it. I smile. They sit back down as I look across to Adam. I see tears forming quickly in his eyes, and then he rushes up to me and wraps his arms around me. He clutches me in his arms and doesn't let go until the next P.A. announcement. We both begin to cry rapidly, knowing that we won't be seeing each other again for a long, long time.

"I love you" he tells me

"I love you too" I respond. I slide the engagement ring off my finger (already having our wedding rings off since it was only legal in Vegas).

"Last call for Tennessee" the P.A. announces

He slightly lets go of me. We kiss for a good long minute and I place the ring in his hand.

"I have to go now" I say

"Okay" he replies

We quickly kiss again, before I walk away.

"Bye baby" Adam finishes

"Bye sweetie" I reply and blow him a kiss. "Bye guys, see you all in the future" I finish before I head through the tunnel and onto the plane

Adam stares at the ring that was placed in his hand, and wipes away the last tears for now. Jay walks up behind him and begins to rub his back, trying to calm him down.

"You'll be alright, you're strong that way" Jay ensures

"I know, it'll just be hard" Adam responds, clutching his fist to close off the ring

"Florida, flight 10:30, now boarding" the P.A. announces

"That's us" Chris states with very, very slight excitement

"Let's go then" Jay answers, picking up his hand luggage and heading towards the gate

"Yeah" Adam says, with nothing but sadness in his tone

"Adam, come on… the plane is boarding" Chris tells Adam

Adam says nothing and just stands there with his hand luggage in one hand, and the engagement ring in the other.

"She was a great one, best one so far… but there will be others … now come on, we got to get going, our plane is boarding" Chris continues

"She truly was … _the_ one" Adam states

They all board the plane, on their way to Florida.

A couple hours into the flight, the first lot of food comes around. It's the lunch tray… yay, shit! Now, if it was the breakfast tray, I would've taken it because it usually includes a yoghurt and an orange juice, stuff I'll actually have. The lunch one is just like the dinner one… shit! So I tell the flight attendant that I don't want any and get some more sleep, since I've only had just under 2 hours sleep.

"Adam, cheer up buddy, remember that we've always wanted to move to Florida, ever since we've all known each other, that's been one of our things" Chris says, trying to lift Adam's spirits

"I know" Adam replies

The food comes around and Chris & Jay get a tray. Adam says no to it, which is very unlike him.

"Adam, you need to eat, you out of everyone knows that" Jay says, taking the plastic off the tray to get to the food

"I'm not hungry" Adam answers and starts out the window

"Fine, but you'll regret it" Jay finishes

I land in Tennessee at around 9pm and with my bags, get into the cab that was arranged to pick me up and take me to where I'll be staying next. On the way there, I ask if we could pull into McDonalds. I get some nuggets to keep me going for the rest of the night. I arrive at an apartment block and I am given my key. I pay the driver who doesn't want the money because it's all been paid for, so I accept that and get out of the cab. I find my apartment and unlock the door. I turn the light on and my jaw drops. My apartment is huge! Especially to the one I had up in Toronto. Although, this one here in Nashville doesn't feel as 'homey' as the one in Canada. I then remember everything I did in Canada, which takes my mind to Adam. I drop my bags and run to the bedroom (once I found it of course). I 'face-plant' onto the Queen size bed and cry my eyes out into the pillow. I slowly cry myself to sleep … my first night in Nashville, Tennessee and I cry, and cry, and cry. How I hate those moments!

Adam, Chris and Jay land in Florida at midnight and head to the three bedroom apartment they've rented out for a year. They choose their bedroom and sleep for hours on end. Adam gets less sleep than Jay and Chris, remembering the girl he still loves, he's ex-fiancé, me! While Jay and Chris were both sound asleep by 1am, Adam doesn't get to the sound state of sleep until gone 3am.

Night, tomorrow I truly start this new chapter of my life.


	33. First Day

As I awaken the next day, feeling extremely depressed. I sigh as I look around the empty apartment, only seeing an old-fashioned television in the 'living' room, a stove top, a little oven and a tap & sink in the kitchen/dining area… if you could call it that… a small bathroom with only a toilet and shower head, no basin… yeah, you have to wash your hands and brush your teeth in the kitchen tap & sink… and then, here I am, on the sofa bed, wide awake with a sigh and a depressed look on my face. This is my life now… it's nothing.

There is one thing I must do today … grocery shopping. Oh how that totally lifts my spirits… HA! With the money I have with me (most of the Vegas money), I should be able to get some shopping done… hehehe, some! SHOPPING SPREE! … After the grocery shopping of course!

Off to the town I go … walking!

After some very basic grocery shopping, it's time to have some fun with this. So I was planning to do some fashion shopping, which I honestly haven't done in a long, long time … but I get stopped as I'm walking past the ticket booking place, where you would buy tickets to go to different shows. On the window, a poster… a WWF poster to be exact. On the poster is the matches planned for the event, but only one drew my attention… Adam & Jay (The Brood [Edge & Christian]) vs. Matt & Jeff Hardy. This event is where my money is now going. The event is held in Memphis, Tennessee which is about 6 to 7 hours from here … oh that's nothing! I walk into the place and go straight to the ticket booking office. There are no other customers in there so I show myself in!

"Hi, I'd like to purchase a ringside ticket to the WWF event in Memphis" I tell the guy sitting at the desk

"Ringside is unavailable for that event, they are either reserved or sold out already" the guy replies … oh wait, he has a nametag… 'Paul'

"You're kidding me" I say in disbelief and slight anger

"No maim"

I take a deep breath. "Okay, let me put it this way, I NEED that front row ticket"

"Front row?"

"Yes, front row, that is what I said"

"Well, I guess I could… no"

I tilt my head slightly to the side, thinking, there is something up with this guy, and I will find out. "Look at me" I demand

He looks up and I look deeply into his eyes with a smile.

"Oh, a tough one… let's see here… okay… lonely, haven't found the one yet… as usual…" I look deeper "oh wow, that's a tad different, but very cliché… gay, haven't come out of the closet to your parents… don't want to disappoint your father, want to make him proud… he's always said 'oh, you'll find the one lassie one day' … oh, he's either Scottish or Irish, I get mixed up … anyways, every time he said that you just nodded and said 'okay' so he doesn't get disappointed, even though, deep in your heart, you know you don't want a lassie but a lad, and you know that you should tell him that, but you don't know how or when" I continue and finish, feeling accomplished

Tears begin to form in his eyes. "You're right, everything you said was right" he responds, wiping his cheeks from the rolled down tears.

"Now, if you give me, just one ringside, front row, ticket to that WWF event, I will set you up with the love of your life, and for free, saving you a big $1000" I say

"You can do that?"

"Yep"

"How?"

"I'm a match maker, best in the business"

"Can you? Please"

"Only for that ticket"

"Deal, and I'll throw in a backstage all access pass, that pass is free for you" he says with a huge happy smile on his face, with a sign of relief.

I smile back, knowing that I've accomplished something big today. "Done deal"

He gives me his contact details so I can contact him once I go to work… when I start there that is!

The rest of the week passes by as the slowest week of my life. It was also one of the most confusing and hardest ones of my life… damn these accents, find it so hard to understand people around here, my ear are so not used to hearing these accents… but as always in my life, I'll get used to it. The 5th comes along and it's officially my first day at work in the States. Here we go!

After being showed my office (which is awesomely huge, with the totally awesomeness of a view), I get started. I begin searching for other gay men in Tennessee and close by states … and find out they aren't too picky, and there's quite a few of them! I call up my first client (and first gay client), Paul and ask him what he wants in a partner and how he would describe himself. I type all of his answers, word by word, in, and sure enough… about 3 gay men are listed as good matches for him. I call him in straight away and soon enough, I find him the perfect match. Match set and completed, with huge success! That was the only match I made on that day.

The rest of my working 2 weeks just adds to the slowness of weeks I've had recently.


	34. Pure Country Roots

The day of the event arrives and excitement fills my mind. I passed the USA driving tests two days ago, so I officially have a USA driving licence. Memphis is 6 hours away from Knoxville so I decide, on my own terms, to take the day off work. It doesn't matter, just one day, tomorrow is Saturday. 3 day weekend! I hire a ute (oh my Australian upbringing), and as the outback roots arise from within my soul, it's road trip time for this country girl. I pass open plains, big cities and country shops, realising this is just like Australia.

"Why did I move here again? It's way too much like Australia" I ask myself. "The only things missing are the beaches and the ocean"

I continue my journey down the highway, during peak hours and the quiet. It feels different going from busy, 40 miles an hour, bumper to bumper traffic, and then into the open road with the radio blasting through the old speakers. As I sing along to Life Is A Highway by Tom Cochrane and Alive by Pearl Jam … I truly feel alive, inside and out. This is the life.

Meanwhile, earlier that day, in Florida.

"Oh I feel shit" Adam complains

"How shit?" Jay asks, packing his bags for the next live events

"Extremely shit… as in, I'm too sick to do anything" Adam answers, clutching his stomach & abdomen area in pain

"I'll call Vince and tell him you're too ill to work the next events" Jay says and walks towards the kitchen area to the phone

"No don't, I mean … we're going to Tennessee" he tells Jay and smiles, beginning to think about Zoe, he's first and only love

Jay looks down at Adam (who is lying on the sofa), seeing the pain and sorrow on his face. "You really want to see her, don't you?"

Adam nods slightly and groans in pain.

They begin to argue if Adam should do the events or not. They come to an agreement, and it's best for everyone for Adam to rest at home. Adam writes up a long letter to Zoe, and tells Jay to give it to her if he sees her. He agrees and begins the long drive up to Memphis, Tennessee at 3am in the morning, ready for the event later that night.

I arrive in Memphis at 4pm, right before peak hour started again… thank god! I get an early dinner and make my way to the arena to wait for the doors to open. Surprisingly, in the back car park, there are a considerable amount of rental cars. I feel myself smiling to myself. I step out of the car I head to the door … and I now just wait! And wait! And wait! And wait some more!

"You do realise that the doors don't open until 6, you got an hour to wait" one of the security guards tells me

"I know, I'm fine with waiting" I respond and smile

"Okay then" he finishes, looking at me like I'm a crazy person and then closes the door

And so I wait! And to think, I could be earning money right now! HA! Somehow, I much rather be here, outside the arena waiting for the doors to open.

6 o'clock comes around, and the doors finally open. There is 1000's of people here already, and the actual show doesn't start until 7. I get to my seat, and as promised, it's ringside and front row. Excitement fills me from head to toe like the biggest rush of adrenalin hitting me… amazing feeling to say the least! After finding my seat, I find a place within the arena to get a drink, and find the toilets (just in case). With a drink now in hand, and the toilets found, I sit down for the night, ready for it all to begin. Half an hour later, the arena goes into complete darkness and the whole sold out crowd screams their lungs out, including myself of course. Hehehe!

"Ladies and Gentlemen… Welcome to Raw Live in Memphis, Tennessee" the announcer welcomes

Scream again!

"The Main Event for Tonight is 'The Heart Break Kid' Shawn Michaels verses 'The British Bulldog' Davey Boy Smith" he announces

The crowd goes louder than ever! This is going to be an awesome night.

Hunter Hearst Helmsley's music plays and does his entrance. Straight away I can see that this is going to be an epic match, especially to start off the night.

Owen Hart's music plays and does his entrance. Yep, this will be epic!

"This match is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, he is Hunter Hearst Helmsley (Triple H). And his opponent, straight from Calgary, Canada, Owen Hart" the announcer announces.

The referee rings the bell and the match is on the way. Hunter wins with his Pedigree.

The next match is the one that advertised on the poster. The Brood verses Matt & Jeff Hardy. I smile, thinking 'this is the time where I see him again'

The Brood's music plays but only Jay comes out.

"Oh this is bad" I say to myself, thinking 'where the hell is Adam?'

"This match is scheduled for one fall, on his way to the ring, from Toronto, Canada, Christian!" the announcer announces.

Jay goes with his entrance and sees me at the corner of his eye. He smiles and I can't help but smile back.

The Hardy's music plays but only Jeff comes out and does his entrance. Guess it's singles action instead of tag.

The match gets on the way. During the match, Jay ends up against the barricade, right in front of me. I go up against the barricade. He looks up at me.

"Hey, meet me back parking lot after the show" he tells me, while Jeff is taunting on the top rope, about to make a big impact move

"Okay"

"Then, I'll tell you all there is to know"

"Thanks, see you then"

"Yeah" he finishes and gets prepared to take a vintage Jeff Hardy move, the steps diving leg lariat.

In the end, Jeff wins with his Swanton Bomb. Great, great match.

A couple more matches later, and it's time for the huge main event. One of those matches was 'Stone Cold' Steve Austin verses Kane, Steve win with the Stone Cold Stunner. The other Chyna verse Mae Young (oh my god it's Mae Young), but Chyna won.

Main event time! Good 30 minutes match that went back and forth. Classic moves from both superstars. I was on the edge of my seat for the whole match… it has to be an intense and epic match for me to do that (trust me)! It finished with both superstars knockout on the canvas and Shawn kicks up (vintage)… then he 'tunes up the band' with some Sweet Chin Music. 1, 2, 3 … Sexy Boy bursts through the speakers in the arena and the crowd goes wild. Amazing match, awesome live event… defiantly worth that long 6 hour drive.

The announcer thanks everyone (the audience) for being there and wishes them a good night. Everyone leaves and heads home. All the wrestlers stay back and have a shower, etc. I wait behind, remembering what Jay had told me earlier.

So I wait again… and I just keep waiting.


	35. NOTHING HAPPENED!

Midnight hits, and heck, I'm still waiting. Looks like I ain't getting back to Nashville for a while. I'm just about to give up on waiting when my waiting is all paid off when they FINALLY make their way out, into the rental cars. Jay spots me and runs up to me with his huge gym bag.

"Hey, sorry about taking a while" he says

"Hey, uhh, it's fine" I reply

He smiles. "Cool" he says and reaches into his pocket. He pulls out a load of paper, all folded up. "Adam wanted me to give you this" he says and hands me the paper

"Thanks" I say and take it from him. I unfold it and count the pages… 6 pages back and front… yay reading! I read the first line and am slightly shocked. It reads "Ain't love the sweetest thing, it makes me miss you more than I ever thought was possible, ain't love the sweetest thing." "Wow" I say to myself. I see Jay looking down at me. "Uhh, lots of reading this weekend, I guess" I say and smile.

Jeff runs over. "Hey, Jay, we're gonna get going, head to the hotel to increase Vince's tab" he tells Jay, and then notices me. "Oh, hey, Jeff … Jeff Hardy"

"Yeah, I know… I'm Zoe, Zoe Clarke"

"Jeff, I'll be there in a minute" Jay says

"Okay, nice meeting ya Zoe" Jeff finishes

"You too" I respond

He runs back to the car and waits

"If you want, I could drop you off at the hotel, I need a place for tonight to sleep anyways" I offer to Jay

"That would be great, but we can get quite noisy"

"I'm used to it"

"Sweet" he responds. "Jeff, I'll meet you there" he yells to Jeff

Jeff gives him a thumb up and gets going.

"Hey, the hotel is near here, right?" I ask Jay

"Yeah, it's like 20 minutes up the road"

"Good"

"Oh, forgot to mention, Adam's sick, he's vomiting everywhere"

"Yuck, well, I really hope he feels better soon"

"He wanted to come, but every time he got up, he vomited, even if he didn't have a match, he still wanted to come"

"Oh"

"Yeah"

"You wanna get going…" I ask

"Yeah"

We walk to my car and he drops his gym bag when he sees my ride.

"Just dump you stuff in the back" I say and start the car up

"What back?" he says, seaming a bit terrified

I look at him. "Just get in, I'll strap your bag in the back"

"Okay" he says, still seaming terrified, and gets in

I grab his dropped bag and throw it into the tray. I jump up onto the tray and grab the chains. I lock this bag onto the tray with the chains. I see him watching through the back window and laugh. I jump down from the tray and get into the drivers' seat.

"Man, you're acting like you've never seen a ute before" I say to him as I reverse out of the car park

"A what?"

"A ute. It's a country car, loads in Australia… I was surprised when I saw one at the car rental place"

"Oh"

I laugh slightly. "So where's this hotel?"

"Left onto the main road and when we get up to the next turn, I'll tell ya"

"Okay" I say and turn left once it's all clear, which didn't take long, and head to the hotel.

About 20 minutes later we arrive at the hotel. I walk up to the front desk, about to book a single room for the night, when Jay comes up behind me.

"Check in later, come party first"

"Nah, I really shouldn't, I'm not a party girl"

"Come on, I insist"

I look up at him and he gives me the puppy eyes. "Fine, but I'm not drinking too much… I don't want to be hangover tomorrow morning when I have to drive home"

"Fine, just as long as you party with us"

"Deal"

We walk up to the floor where everything is happening and begin to drink & party.

And drink.

And party.

And drink some more.

And party some more.

And some more.

And even more.

You get the point!

There goes the deal where I don't drink much.

6am the next morning, we hit the beds, to sleep off the big partying and drinking night we all just had. Well, at least I think it was 6am! Who knows, I was drunk… not quite as drunk as I was in Vegas, but still, really drunk.

I wake up at about 2pm and look beside me. I see the back of a head with blonde, smooth, luscious hair. I smile, thinking that everything about moving to the USA was all a dream and I'm now waking up next to Adam. I look around the room and see that it's not his bedroom, my bedroom or a hotel room I can remember. My mind goes into confusion, not remembering a single thing from the night before. I look at the face of the person next to me… oh fuck! I see that it isn't who I thought it was… in fact, it's his best mate… that person next to me being Jay! I scream on the inside. In panic I look under the quilt, hoping to see clothing on me, and him… yeah, uhh, no clothes. None at all. Completely naked.

"Shit" I say to myself.

Jay rolls over and smiles in his sleep. Aww, so cute!

I sit up and hold me head in pain… hangover! I look at the floor, around the whole room and spot my clothing. I get out of the bed quickly and quietly, grabbing my clothes and putting them on. I take a headache tablet, grab my bag and leave the sleeping Jay alone. I get the car keys out of the bag and begin driving back to Nashville.

1 hour later…

Jay wakes up and sees that he's the only one in the room.

"That bitch" he says to himself then holds his head in a hangover pain. He grabs his jeans and goes through the pockets. He finds the piece of paper and looks at it to be sure. "Still got her number" he says to himself and smiles.

A couple hours later he begins his long drive home… since the next lot of events are in Florida… and he drives with a big smile on his face.

On my way back I keep telling myself that nothing really happened, I mean, just because you wake up… naked… next to someone… who is also naked… doesn't mean something happened. Maybe we just fell asleep like that, we were drunk enough for that to happen, yeah… NOTHING HAPPENED!


	36. The Call That Inlightened My Day

I get back to my apartment at about midnight and I just crash on the not-so-comfy bed. I fall asleep instantly. 6 hours later, my alarm goes off. I lift my head, look at the alarm clock, 6am, and groan.

"Why today?" I ask myself, half asleep.

I turn the alarm off and get up slightly. I grab the clock and throw it to the other side of my apartment. My head falls back onto the pillow, and I'm back asleep. My cell phone goes off half an hour later, waking me up.

"Hello…" I answer, half asleep

"Hey" a little voice on the other end says, but sounds ill

"Who's this?" I ask, confused

"Me, Adam"

My eyes snap open. "Oh… hey!"

"Did I wake you?"

"Nah, I needed to be woken anyway"

"That's good then"

"Adam, you sound ill"

"I am… didn't Jay tell you?"

"He probably did. How sick are you?"

"Too sick… I was hoping that hearing your sweet voice will help with my recovery"

"Has it?"

"Yep"

"That's good to hear"

"My recovery would be quicker if I got to see you on Saturday"

"Same here… I wish you weren't ill, especially on Saturday"

"So do I… how are settling into America?"

"Horribly, it would be much better if there was this stupid company in Florida too"

"We all wish that"

"How are you settling in?"

"Well, except for the part of being sick… not too badly. I've spent quite a bit of time in the States before so, isn't as bad"

I look at the apartment kitchen clock, 7am. "Oh, I hate this job… why did I take it again?"

"Money?"

"Oh yeah… curse my greed"

"What time is it there?"

"About 7am"

"Do you have to go?"

"Not yet. I should be getting myself ready, but I really don't want to"

"Then don't. I'll always be here"

"If you're extremely sick, you might not always be here"

"I'm still alive, aren't I?"

"I guess so"

"I am still alive, it hasn't killed me yet"

"And I hope it doesn't kill you… because, if it does, then this world will be without you, which will make me the saddest person ever"

He coughs violently.

"Don't you dare die… not yet"

"Yet?"

"Yeah, when I die, then you can die"

"Oh… if and when you die, I wouldn't want to live anymore"

I laugh slightly. "I seriously have to get myself ready for work"

"Fine"

"I'll talk to you next time, get better, seriously… I don't like it when you're sick"

"I will, soon. Yeah, talk next time"

"Okay"

"Hey…"

"Yeah"

"I still love you"

"I know… and I still love you, I miss you too"

"Miss you more"

"That is impossible!" I respond and laugh slightly

He coughs more and laughs slightly. "Bye baby"

"Bye sweetie" I finish and hang up.

I look up at the kitchen clock, 7:15am.

"Fuck" I say to myself

I grab my towels and run into the bathroom to shower. 45 minutes to get myself ready and head to work. Let's do this!

40 minutes later, I finish getting myself ready. NEW RECORD! To work I go.


	37. Mr Brooks

Another slow and boring day. Only one really interesting match I need to make, for a guy named Phillip Brooks. He's completely straight edge and hilarious. But at some points, I swear he could smell alcohol in my breath. But this is the wrap up of how it went.

He knocks on my office door.

"Come in" I say, loud enough for the person on the other side of the door to hear

"Hi" he greets as he walks in

I look up to see what I have to deal with today. "Hello, take a seat" I greet, slightly surprised. What I see is a man with piercings, tattoos and bleach blond hair.

"Thanks"

"Name, age and sexuality?"

"Phillip Jack Brooks, aged 19, born October 26, 1978, straight"

I enter those details into the computer. "Okay, have you filled out the form?"

"Yes, here it is" he replies and hands the forms to me.

"Thank you" I reply and begin to enter the rest of the information into the computer.

As it takes a few minutes, he looks around my office from the chair. He spots a framed photo on my desk and picks it up. "this your man?" he asks, as the photo is of Adam & I.

I look at him, turning my attention away from the forms and computer screen. "He was" I reply

"What happened? You two look so happy together and so cute together" he asks

"Careers and money, that's what happened. We would still be together if there was an office in Florida, but you know, shit happens"

"Don't need to tell me that" he says and studies the photo. "is that a ring on your finger in this photo?"

"Yeah, we were pretty serious"

"And in love, I guess"

"Yeah, most defiantly" I finish and take another look at the forms. "You say your straightedge, explain that to me?" I ask

"It just means I don't drink any alcohol, I don't smoke, or take any drugs"

"Cool"

"Do you drink or do any drugs?"

"I drink but that's it"

He laughs slightly.

"Don't judge me, remember you are relying on me right now to find you a match"

"I know"

"Are you okay if your match is someone that drinks or smokes?"

"Yeah, just as long as it's not an addiction, on occasion it should be fine"

"Good, good, good… I think I know the perfect match for you already, but still need to enter these answers and details into the system, just in case there's a better one than who I'm thinking of"

"Sweet!" he says, extremely excited

I laugh slightly when I read one of his answers to one of the questions on the form.

"What? What's funny?"

"Nothing, nothing, it's nothing" I reply and enter the answer into the system

"Oh, okay"

There's silence until I finish entering everything into the system.

"Okay, done"

"Sweet, now what happens?"

"I'll find you a match, contact you, arrange a meeting with you and the match, and then collect my money" I answer and end with a smile

"Okay, hope to hear from you soon"

"You will… I'm not called the best for nothing"

"Sweet, thank you"

"No problem, bye"

He walks out and I relax back in my chair. "This will be fun" I say to myself.

I wait a few hours before phoning his match that I have in mind. It rings

"Hello"

"Hey, it's Zoe"

"Hey, how are you?"

"Great, and I have awesome news for you"

"You're coming back to Australia?"

"No, but I suggest that you and Kim book a ticket to come over to America"

"Oh yeah, you're in America now. Why are you suggesting we come over now?"

"I just found you a match"

"Oh, tell me, tell me, tell me"

"He's everything you want and more"

"Tattoos?"

"Yep, lots"

"Piercings?"

"Yep"

"Funny?"

"It's one word he used to describe himself"

"American?"

"Yep, from Chicago"

"Oh, perfect so far. What's his name?"

"Phillip Jack Brooks"

"Age?"

"19, turns 20 in one month"

"Oh my god, where did you find him?"

"He found me. He walked in and he looks like how you would describe your perfect man. I then read through his answers and straight away, my mind went to you as a perfect match"

"You are awesome"

"Thanks, I know. Just get your butt over here, I think I've found a match for Kim too, but not sure, she can figure that out when she meets him"

"Who?"

"Mr Brooks best mate. How he described him, its seems like a great match"

"I'll book the flights, but we'll have to stay at your place for a bit"

"That's fine. It'll be like old times"

"I'll book them later"

"Sweet"

"I see you when I get there"

"See you then Sera"

I hang up, but hear a small scream of excitement before I do. I laugh slightly.

So yeah, that was the only great one today. Now to go home, have some dinner, watch wrestling and sleep.

Good night! 


	38. With God as My Witness

6am, my alarm goes off. I honestly can't be fucked going to work, it's a dead end job that I only do for money. I want to be happy, but that's a dream away. Too far away! My phone goes off & its Adam's number. I smile a little smile.

"Hey" I answer

"Hey" he replies, still sounding really sick. "I'm still alive" he jokes

"So I hear"

"It's good, I'm slowly getting better"

"You sound better than you did yesterday"

"I'm glad you noticed"

"I'm glad my mind was right"

"Yeah. Anything interesting happen at work yesterday?"

"Not really. But it now looks like my friends from Australia are coming over here"

"Wow. Why? If you don't mind me asking"

"I found Sera a match yesterday, so I told her, she said she'll get a ticket soon enough"

"How about your other friend?"

"She'll come at the same time"

"That's cool" he responds and coughs violently

"Don't you dare die"

"I won't, not now anyway… we all die someday but my time isn't here yet"

"Your time isn't for a long time… your time isn't until my time"

"I know"

"Yeah. So how's everyone in Florida?"

"I don't know, they've been having live events all the bloody time, ay! So I'm so lonely"

"You have me"

"But you live in Tennessee and always have work"

"That's true"

"Tell your boss to build one in Florida so you can move down here, and things between us can go back to the way they were"

"I will"

"You promise?"

"With God as my witness, I promise"

"Good"

"I miss you so much"

"I miss you too. I want your chicken soup, the one you made me back when we were in Canada, I want to see you again, I want you in my life because I love you and I know you & your love can make me better"

"I love you too. I promise you that I will tell my boss to build one in Florida, & that when I see you next, I will have for you some of my chicken soup, & I will give you all of the love in my heart… and you are probably going to make tears form in my eyes before I have to get ready to go to work so stop it!"

"I'll never stop loving you; I'll let you get ready for work"

"Okay, I love you too, thanks"

"Bye"

"See ya"

He hangs up and like I thought, tears have formed in my eyes and are rolling down my cheek.

"Oh bloody hell!" I say to myself and wipe my face.

I get myself ready for work and head to work.

No clients for a while so I visit Rebecca Murray, my boss, to ask her the question. See, with God as my witness I am keeping my promise.

"Excuse me, Rebecca" I say and knock on her office door

"Yes, come in Miss Clarke" she replies

"Thank you. Got a question"

"Go ahead"

"Why doesn't this company have an office in Florida? It's a well-known state around the world, big population, lots of potential clients. I was just wondering"

"I'm not sure. I'll look into it a bit more, because you are exactly right, we should most defiantly have an office down there"

"Thanks"

"Is there a reason you only asked about Florida?"

"It was the first state that came to mind, I guess."

"Okay. I'll get back to you on that, and hopefully in the future we will have an office down there"

"Thanks, bye"

"Bye"

I exit and go back to my office.

"You were my witness on that, I kept my promise" I say looking up and smiling.

Back at my desk, I enter some data into the system and finish up everything. One bloody client all day today, it's slower than a slow day working at the pub! I go back home, eat a TV dinner and sleep. Nothing else to do here except sleep. Night!


	39. My Addictive Past Becomes My Present

Fast forward a couple of months! Kim & Sera have arrived and I've arranged a meeting for Mr. Brooks and Sera to finally meet. Yay! Oh how I really hope this goes well! It's Saturday and tomorrow they meet. Oh god! Rebecca still hasn't got back to me about the Florida situation. I seriously need a drink! Or a smoke.

I drive down to the local bottle shop, buy a 6 pack of beer, some Jim Beam, some Jack Daniels, vodka, a packet of smokes and a lighter. The last couple months at work have been the most stressful weeks or months of my life. I knew there were more reasons for not wanting this job. Back in Australia I ended up becoming addicted to alcohol, to the point of checking into rehab at 19 years of age, and it was all due to being miserable and stressed, caused by this job. My dad always said that I'll be an alcoholic when I get older, and I never took that statement seriously I guess. Back then, this amount would last me maybe a weekend when I was using, if lucky… more like a night though! Well, it's time to drink and smoke my stress away!

Back in Australia, rehab wasn't too bad. I mean, once you get used to being stuck in a place, alone, trying to overcome an addiction. You meet all kinds of characters. Before rehab, I did go to Alcoholics Anonymous. That was a load to bollocks, talking to a group of people like yourself about being an alcoholic really did nothing to 'help' me, it just made me want to binge down a few vodkas and many other drinks even more than I was before I joined. In rehab, I met every addicted stereotype possible, it was great. And because we weren't allowed to leave the campus, we couldn't get any source of what we were addicted to, not even the stuff on the black-market. It was strict I guess, similar to rehabs these days. You could have one visitor a week and it had to be the same person every week. We were allowed up to 3 phones calls a week with up to 30 minutes for each call, but sometimes you didn't even need that, what is there to really talk about? … Oh, the doctors tried to brainwash me more today, it's still not hitting the source of the problem, so how was your day? … That's it really! It's what I imagine prison to be like, but with better food! I wasn't really addicted to the stuff too bad, there were guys in there that were to the point of killing themselves with the stuff or for the stuff, it was crazy. At least I had a reason… I think you could call it that… I was a miserable, stressed out bitch! Alcohol and cigarettes, along with whatever drug I could get my hands on, were my answer to overcome that. It was good being there though, it got me away from the true source of the problem… work.

And now, I am once again that same miserable, stressed out bitch! Yeah, not much has changed since then. Drugs was basically the reason for choosing Canada over America, it really was. People told me it was a lot easier to get any & all kinds of drugs in America than it was for Canada. I've tried some 'hard drugs' in my day too… you know… Mr Brownstone (AKA Dr Feelgood), among others… Mr Brownstone was my favorite out of all the 'hard drugs', tastes disgusting but you forget about that when your high, and you keep doing it because you never want to come down… just like Welcome to the Jungle… when you're high, you never, ever want to come down! I never had a reason for using Dr Feelgood except for the fact of getting high & it was so easy to get. Especially in eastern Australia, dealers of Brownstone where everywhere over there, more than the western side where I lived, but still, it was very easy to get. If the stone was some good shit, I would inject it, if the shit was… shit… I would smoke it. Why spend the time melting it down and injecting it if you didn't get a big high? When you do that, you can also inhale the fumes, your initial high, the taste of the shit. On the other hand, there was coke. Oh, what a stinger that was. Reason… get high & drink more. I learnt that quick… shove a stone of coke up the nostril, don't fall down from the alcohol until your liver gives out or you die of alcohol poisoning… or until you just fall asleep! Never got into pot… done it once and that was it, never done it again. Pot wasn't my thing. I did end up going back to rehab thanks to Dr Feelgood and coke, but mainly Dr Feelgood. Coming off that was hard, it hurt, you shake & vomit constantly. Detox is always hard, but it's harder for the 'hard drugs'. I was fine without coke, that was easy, messed my nose up though. I wasn't addicted to coke, I was addicted to the fact that I could drink more while using coke. That's all. Anyway, I got to see all my addicted friends again, once the really painful part of the detox was over, which took a week or so. I didn't eat, sleep, talk to anyone, just sat in the corner of my white room, vomiting and shaking. Ain't It Fun When You Know That You're Gonna Die Young? It's Such Fun! If I got up, it was because I wanted out. The doctors then gave me a choice as I vomited again in the hallway… back to the room or sit with the rest of the addicted people who had been forced somehow to go to rehab. I didn't check myself into rehab, nobody does that unless they see the light and it scares them into getting clean. And I mean _the_ light. That's when you check yourself in! It's someone else's choice for you to go to rehab in attempt to get you sober & clean. I'm off the 'hard drugs' now, been off them for a year. I hope this job doesn't lead me back into them like how it did before. It's weird not being high, big change.

So as I lay here, with a bottle of Jack in one hand, and a cigarette in the other, in my tiny apartment, on the cold floor, I imagine all the possibilities of what could happen tomorrow. Love at first sight? Complete rejection? One of my first (and biggest) failures as a match maker? One of my best matches yet? Spark or no spark? Love or hatred? Will they be able to find something, anything, in common? I hope so. Thinking about it, they are both quite opposite… do opposites really attract? She's a drinker and smoker, he's straight edge. They both have tattoos… there's something. They both like the same music, as in genre… there's another. What if they love the same genre of music but completely different songs or bands or singers? Oh God. Another drink, another smoke, killing the day away, slowly. This isn't how a Saturday should be spent. How should a Saturday be spent?

After a few… 5… more bottles of alcohol and a couple… 7… more cigarettes, and deciding to move myself on to the sofa in front of the TV, I pass out or fall asleep with the rest of what's left of the vodka lodged in my hand. There are still some bottles of beer and half a bottle of Jim left from my latest binge (this one)… nothing compared to when I was using coke to say the least.

Sera and Kim have been crashing here, on the sofa and spare single bed since staying in America. They went out outfit shopping for Sera's meeting tomorrow all day today… or at least for the part where all of me was alive, however long that lasted… so them coming in to me passed out (or asleep) on the sofa… I honestly can't remember what came first… is zero shock to them, as it happened very frequently. It did die off towards the ending months of my time in Australia, as I had to cut down my drinking to about 2 bottles of beer or Jack, or 1 bottle of vodka, for the sake of saving money and the fact that security at the airport wouldn't let me on a plane if I was drunk out of my mind. So this may make them say "not again" or something along those lines, but it shouldn't be a huge shock.


	40. The Meeting of The Lovebirds

As the natural light shines through the window, I'm awoken from my deep sleep or unconscious state. Shaken from my state.

"Zoe, Zoe, Zoe, Zoe, Zoe, Zoe, Zoe…" Sera screams and yells as she's shaking me. I feel a slap on my face. "ZOE!" she screams, shaking me and slapping my face.

"What? What? What? What? What?" I respond, still not alive.

"Oh good, she's still alive then" I hear Kim say in the background, as she heads into the bathroom.

I open my eyes slightly. "Depends… what time is it?"

"10 o'clock"

"What day?"

"Sunday"

"Morning?"

"Yeah"

I close my eyes again. "I'm not alive"

"Bitch, get up, you need to show me where I'm meeting this Phil guy"

"Shit!" I say, open my eyes and try to get up. As I sit there, I drink what's left of the vodka in my hand and light another cigarette.

"No!" Sera tells me, takes the cigarette out my mouth and puts it out on the windowsill.

"Why the fuck did you do that?" I yell

"Phil is straight edge, right?"

"Yeah, and?" I respond and make my way to the slightly squashed cigarette on the windowsill. That's one way of getting me up.

"I don't want him smelling smoke on me, I haven't had one since Friday"

"Well, congratulations, you not smoking makes you sound desperate" I say, snipping the end… the squashed bit… off the cigarette, stick what's left in my mouth and light it up again.

"Amazing, I'm the one desperate but yet, this could be your biggest failure or win… make you or break you" she reminds me

"You want to meet him, yes?"

"Yes"

"And since I'm the only way of you meeting him, unless you meet years from now, which is extremely unlikely, you should shut your gob and get in the car" I order

"Okay" she ends, grabs her bag and heads out the door and into the car.

"Good, now where's the rum gone?" I say and look for rum that I never had.

"You had rum?" Kim asks, stepping out of the bathroom.

"I don't know… but I need rum" I reply, looking

"Where's Sera?"

"In the car, waiting… stupid rum"

"She's in the car already? And did you even buy rum yesterday?"

"I don't know, she yelled, I yelled, she got in the car. She left the keys here. And if I got rum yesterday, I would not be looking for it today"

"But if you didn't buy rum yesterday, there will be no rum in here because we didn't have rum here, so if you didn't buy it yesterday, you don't have it"

"Exactly, smartass… so Jim will have to do" I reply, picking up the half a bottle of Jim Beam.

"You are not driving with Jim" she tells me

"Would you rather me have Jim now and then drive?" I ask, sarcastically, while finishing off the cigarette.

She looks at me in the "I think we all know the answer to that, fuck-head" look. It's a weird look.

"What? Now, you coming?"

"Yes"

"Good" I end and head for the door.

"Aren't you going to get a shower, or get changed at least?" she asks

I smell my pits. "I'll get changed" and head into my bedroom. "Get in the car, keep her company while I get changed"

"See you in the car" she says and heads outside.

"Where is she?" Sera asks as Kim gets in the car

"Getting changed" Kim replies

I finish getting changed and head out with Jim in my hand, keys in the other, and my last cigarette of the packet in my mouth. "Let's go then" I say as I sit into the driver's seat and put the key in, and we pull away onto the road in my Dodge Charger '69

"Finally" Sera remarks

"So where we going?" Kim asks, trying to ignore the fact that I still have the bottle of Jim Beam with me.

I hand Sera a photo of Phil. "We're heading to a park, it's near the stadium, just outside the city, lovely place without a doubt" I reply to Kim

"Oh, okay then"

"His name is Phillip Jacob Brooks, born October 26, 1978, nickname CM Punk, he's straight edge, born and raised in Illinois, mainly Chicago, Illinois. He's a wrestler and into the same music as you, okay?!" I tell Sera

"Okay" she says, looking at the photo.

About 20 minutes later we arrive at the park. I spot Phil from the car sitting on a bench.

"There he is" I say and point in his direction, showing Sera what way to go.

"Thanks" she says and steps out the car

"Go, go, go" I order

"Kim, you coming?" Sera asks

"Sure" Kim replies and goes with Sera

"Have fun" I say as they both leave. I sit there, drink the rest of my Jim Beam and smoke what's left of the cigarette. I turn up the radio and hear some great Motley Crue … Dr Feelgood … Dr Fucking Feelgood. Always loved this song. Favorite song from Motley Crue actually… then it's Kick Start My Heart, and Girls Girls Girls… and the list goes from there, but those are my top 3 Motley Crue songs. Number 4 would have to be Don't Go Away Mad (Just Go Away).

I head out, straight to the nearest pub.

"I'll take your best rum" I tell the bartender.

"Princhard's it is" the bartender says, hands me a shotglass and pours some in.

I shoot it down in a hit. "How much for the rest of the bottle?"

"$20"

"I'll take it" I end and hand him $20

He hands me the bottle and takes the $20.

I head out with the bottle of Princhard's rum and sit on a park bench near a busker. He's playing an acoustic guitar and singing. He's guitar playing is amazing, singing… not so much, but still, he's playing is really cool.

A few hours later, he finishes his set, and I've finished the bottle of rum. As he counts his money for the day, Kim finds me.

"There you are" she says

"Yeah, here I am, I've been here for the past few hours, drinking rum and listening to some awesome guitar playing"

"Oh"

"Did they hit it off?" I ask

"Yeah, amazingly"

"Why is it so amazing? Don't you trust my matching?"

"They are just so opposite in the fact that he doesn't smoke or drink, and well, Sera does… and I do trust your matching"

"Good" I say and get $5 out of my pocket. I stand up, put the empty rum bottle in the bin and go to hand the busker who I've been listening to for the past few hours the $5.

"$50, man, still didn't beat it" he says after finishing counting his money from the day.

"Beat what?" I ask, still haven't given him the $5

"My record set amount"

"What's the record?"

"$52.75"

"Here, it's now $55, that's you record now" I say and hand him the $5

"Thank you ma'am"

"No problem, great playing"

"Thank you ma'am"

"See ya, keep it up" I end and walk away

"Will do"

That busker, named Joe, will later become lead guitarist of a little, but big, cover band Jovi Nightmare … but we'll get to that later, as this one had something to do with that too.

You might have been wondering why it was only now that you found out about my drug addicted past… simple actually… this is around the time when I got addicted again… it was probably that weekend you just read. Why? Being Brownstone sober is hard, too hard. I missed the highs, I missed being carefree, I missed the smell, the taste, the feeling of Mr Brownstone in my system. I hate being down and the feeling of coming down. There was a dealer on the corner of one of the streets near the park, we'll call him Bob, well, he supplied my first high in a year. Thanks Bob. He had some awesome shit. And he had everything. Just a gram of Dr Feelgood for me, maybe more next time. He had fresh spoons and syringes too, as well as rolling paper… just what I needed! Once again, thanks Bob. He also told me some great stuff, like the places in Germany, there's a place where they have a menu of Brownstone, Pot, Coke, Alcohol, Tobacco, EVERYTHING! Guess where I'm going?!


	41. Working For The Menu

Oh, Monday, why did you have to be here? And this soon! I hate Mondays. I like every day but Monday. Monday is the first day of the week where you have to force yourself out of bed, and early. All to earn a couple of bucks or gain a bit of knowledge that'll you know the information you get you won't use ever again, all meaningless! Stay in school though kids. School feeds your brain with good things. Stay in school! And don't just stay in school, actually pay attention!

Well, let's get through this day, and the next days without dying.

There are a few clients today, busier than it has been, which is always good for business. It's what they all say, the people that give a damn about this business, in their suits and well done grooming. Perfect hair, perfect skin, perfect make up on their face, perfect business bitches. It's all they are, perfect business bitches. They actually like doing this job. Zero true individuality, zero personality. These are things you notice when you hate what you're doing for a job, so you get high and/or drunk. That how I get through the day, nobody cares what I'm doing, just as long as I do my job at the end of the day. Just don't smoke or drink or make yourself a human pin-cushion or shove various drugs up your nostril in front of the clients… that is bad for business. We all have different ways of getting through a working day, a working week, but we get through it, right?

Work meeting once a week, wearing dark sunglasses on inside, provide update on clients. Did you find a match of so-and-so? Is so-and-so still with so-and-so? Who have you still to find a match for? Blah, blah, blah.

This week's meeting was different.

"Okay, there's a conference being held in the United Kingdom, and various other countries in Europe during the months of September to November, any of you up for it?" Rebecca, my boss, announces to the team

"Yeah, I'll do it" I answer and put my hand up for the job

"Good, I thought you might, I'll give you the information booklet after the meeting in my office"

Then the meeting went on like it usually does.

"Why did you put your hand up for it?" Rebecca asks me as she searches for the information booklet

"I know that those sorry sods wouldn't be up for something like this, I know I'm always wanting to do things like this. They all have family and friends to look after, they have to put food on the table for someone else, not just for themselves like me, I can do these things that mean being away for longer periods of time than just a week" I answer

"Found it" she says, not taking any notice to what I just said, and hands me the booklet.

I look through the booklet and see Germany is in the countries listed for the trip. I smile inside. Menu Brownstone & Oktoberfest!

"Why are you wearing those glasses?" she asks

"Because I can" I respond, reading a bit of the booklet and smoking my Feelgood cigarette, that people think it's a normal cigarette so they don't make a huge fuss… when you done a lot of rolling, you're able to make any 'hard drug' look like an 'accepted' or 'common' drug like cigarettes. Rebecca doesn't care, her window is always open as she smokes your average cigarette.

"Fair enough, still up for the trip?"

"More than ever" I answer and smile

A week goes so quickly when you're high, it all just rolls into one giant high by the time the working week is over… this is how I survived all the years without killing myself. High. Never want to come down… need to see Bob again. Nearly out of Brownstone and rolling paper. See if Joe (the busker) is busking again. Out of rum. Yes, defiantly need more rum.

As more weeks and months fly by with Brownstone constantly in my system along with alcohol, everything seems to stay the same. Yes, life flies by when you're high. One big high ball of life. Life's slow when you try to become clean when you've been high, it's a never ending story. Do I plan on getting clean? NOT NOW! Seriously speaking, I'll probably become clean again years down the track, but not now. No, not now. Now is too fun. Ain't It Fun When You Know You're Gonna Die Young, Its Such Fun!


	42. Getting High In Germany With Adler

This would be the time when I finally got to Germany. Conferences are so boring, time to find this menu. As I walk up the street, in my leather pants and Gunners top, after a long, cold plane trip … can't get high on a plane … all you can do is drink as much as possible, but nothing can beat the bitter sweet taste of Feelgood … anyway, as I walk up the street, I smell the scent of pot, it makes me gag. The scent is just rising from a hole in a wall, I take a peek inside the hole, stairs leading to various rooms. Various rooms of drugs, sex and rock n' roll. Heaven in the hole. The hole is heaven. My taste buds lead me to a room, upstairs, right. The bitter sweet scent of Brownstone in the air, people getting high everywhere, blowjobs in the corners, wow. This is the year 2000, people still living in the era of Appetite. Home! And I say the era of Appetite for the fact that one-fifth of the reason for the Appetite is there receiving blowjobs and getting high on pot and brownstone in the far corner. What a fucking rockstar!

"I'll take number 69, and can I start a tab here?" I tell the guy at the counter

He hands me a gram of number 69, with a spoon, lighter, needle, and paper. (You need to imagine this in a German accent) "We open tabs for everyone here" he answers

"Sweet" I say, rolling some of the rock in the paper and lighting it up.

I sit on the floor against the wall with my supplies. Smoking some, melting the rest, nothing has changed. Pouring the liquid in the needle, finding a vein. Smoking, injecting. Getting high. Oh that's the stuff.

An hour later… or at least 5 grams, a line of coke and many drinks later…

"Well hi pussy, I'm Adler" Steven Adler says with a roll on pot in his mouth and bottle of alcohol in his hand.

"Well hi dick, I'm Zoe" I answer melting down what I have left of my brownstone.

"You shooting?"

"Yeah"

"Why?"

"Because I fucking can, you got a problem with that, Stevie?"

"That seat taken?"

"What seat? I'm against the fucking wall, there is no seat, only floor that's been taken"

He sits next to me. "Good" he says and smokes his pot.

I find a vein and shoot the heroin into my system. "That's the stuff"

"You married?"

"Not in this country"

"You doing anything later?"

"Getting high and drunk, why?"

"No reason"

"Okay then, you doing anything later?" I ask, shooting the last drops

"Getting high and drunk, maybe some pussy, why?"

"Just checking. What happened to your pussy friends?"

"Wouldn't have a clue"

"They see a bigger dick then?"

"A bigger dick? Please! They're jaws must have started to ache"

"Sure, sure Stevie, sure, sure"

"I like you, you're different, harder to figure out"

"I haven't even figured myself out yet" I say and smile at him, before I take a mouthful of beer. "But you are nearly exactly as I imagined you to be like"

"Nearly exactly?"

"Yeah, you still had blonde hair in my imagination"

"That it?"

"Yep"

"Oh"

I finish the beer off and reach over to the bin that's about 4 feet away from me to put the bottle in there.

"Nice ass" he comments as I push myself back up against the wall

"Thanks, I've been told"

"By who?"

"People, past friends, strangers, and now you"

"You wanna skip this joint, take some for the road and head up to my place?"

"You have a place in Germany?"

"Not exactly but I spend enough time there to call it my place"

"Is there alcohol?"

"Tons"

"I thought you'll never ask!"

We get up and get a couple of grams for the road and head up to a nearby hotel… his place!

The rest of that night is history… but I do know this… we got high and drunk. And we woke up with a massive hangover, naked. You, the reader, can figure out what really happened.

Woken up from the phone, the boss, hangover. I hang up, without even picking up, to voicemail. Naked, he's naked, I'm naked. What the fuck happened last night? Bottles, needles, lighters, pipes, spoons, rolling paper, clothes, everything everywhere on the floor. Time is 11am. Shit! Conference at 1pm. Slowly coming down, this is bad. Half smoked rolled up piece of paper. Light it up. It's pot. Hate pot, but I'll smoke it anyway. Sit up. Good times, bad reasons. Here for business, let pleasure over take that. Schedules is business, pleasure is not.

He wakes up. "Oh fuck!"

"Morning Stevie"

He takes the pot bud out of my mouth. "Mine"

"Good"

He smokes the rest of it. "You remember any of what happened?"

"Who said anything happened?"

"There's a wet patch"

"Oh fuck!"

"Exactly"

"Do you remember anything?"

"Most of it"

"Fuck"

"You aren't that bad. Great blowjob"

"Thanks, I think"

"No, thank you!"

11:20am, need Brownstone, now. Get up, panties on, leather pants on.

"Where you going this early?"

"Need my doctor, need my feelgood, why?" Bra on, top on.

"Okay then"

Hotel key out of my pocket.

"You staying here too?"

"Where's here?"

He throws me his key. Same logo, only different room number.

"So I am"

"What room you in?"

"PH…"

"Pent house?"

"I guess so"

"Oh"

"I'm heading up there now, you wanna come up?"

He sits up, puts his boxers on. "Thought you'll never ask"

Elevator, elevator music, hurts head. Starting to wish I took the stairs.

Pent house, walk in, open my bag… Brownstone!

Getting high and drunk with Steven Adler, life doesn't get much better. Having sex while high and drunk with Steven Adler… maybe life does get better.

I do remember this one. Yes, this I remember.

Never really had an eye for Stevie. He was the cute drummer, keeping the rhythm with the other cute one, Duff. Slash & Axl were out front, in the spotlight, too easy. No, my eye was on Izzy Stradlin. The rhythm guitarist, mysterious. Watch the videos, look at the pictures. Never in the spotlight, never the main guy. But once he left, Guns N Roses changed. Sure, Stevie was the first to leave, that was a huge change. Fired for his drug use… can you believe that? Kicked out of the band because of his drug use! Izzy had this bluesy feel to his playing. It's what I loved about his playing, him. Different feel. It was something the band needed. Even now, Izzy is in zero spotlight, many don't know what happened to him. He has a band, hardest albums to get your hands on, compared to the other guys. They all still have bands.

Alarm at 12:30pm. Fuck! Wish I didn't have to do this. Which one? Leave Stevie naked, say I got things I need to do? Go to the conference? They both occur at the same time. If I don't, Rebecca will find out I didn't attend the conference, that's me done. Axed. Fired. Can't have that. I'll lose my money, no more Brownstone if that happens. Can't have that. Defiantly can't have that. Fuck! Turn the alarm off.

"What was that for?" Stevie asks

"Business conference at 1pm. That was to tell myself to get ready"

"Bullshit" he replies, smoking some Brownstone.

"No, it's money for Brownstone, for alcohol" smoking my Brownstone.

"Oh"

I get up, head to the bathroom, splash water onto my face. Don't want to do this. Need to do this.

Shower, dressed. Hair's in a rat's nest, I look like hell. OH MY GOD, LOOK WHAT THE CAT DRAGGED IN!

He puts his boxers on. "You going now?"

"Have to"

We leave the pent house, into the elevator.

Down to his floor.

"See you around"

"Yeah, maybe"

He kisses me goodbye, I kiss him back. Doors open, someone comes in. The kissing stops. He leaves.

Conference is 10 minute walk. It's 12:45pm, it starts in 15 minutes. Make a pit stop at the hole in the wall. 10 grams of number 69, 2 grams of coke, 4 bottles of Jack. That should get my through this. Call from Rebecca.

"Hi boss"

"Nice to know you're still alive"

"Of course I am"

"How's the conference going?"

"I just got here, it doesn't start for another couple of minutes"

"You were supposed to be there half an hour before it starts"

"I'm here aren't I! I could be drinking my day away at Oktoberfest, but I'm not"

"Good, I expect notes, information… from every single conference"

"I know, I know… got to go now"

"Bye"

Hang up.

Boring conference, as always. But Germany ones are the most fun… you get to drink at the Germany ones without anyone judging you. Got to love that!

Conference over. 5 grams of 69, 1 gram of coke & 4 bottles of Jack, all in my system. 5 grams of 69 left, 1 gram of coke left, zero Jack left. Need more alcohol. Drunk & high. One page of proper notes, nothing I didn't know before. Pages & pages of sketches, lyrics and quotes. Dreaming of the good life. It's all it is… a dream.

Get back to the hotel, up to my room, room service… beer, Jack & Jim. Burger & mushrooms, sauce. It's dinner. Not paying for it… all expenses paid (so mini bar is free, finished that off straight away, room service, whatever I order… free!). Could've ordered lobster or something expensive like that, but won't. Don't like lobster. Curtains closed, TV on, speedball. Pass out. No conference tomorrow. Tomorrow is my day at Oktoberfest. FINALLY!

Wake up in pain, drink some Jim, smoke the cigarette, all good. Shower, dressed. Toast for breakfast. Brush teeth, hair's (still) in a rat's nest … I look like hell, oh my god, look what the cat dragged in! 10 grams of number 69, 5 grams of coke, 1 bottle of Jack. Shot 4 grams of 69, stuff 1 gram of coke up my nose, 1 bottle of Jack now in my system. Ready for Oktoberfest.

So many tourists, everyone is getting drunk or is already drunk… it's only 10am in the morning. This is awesome!

Drink, laugh, sing, drink some more, keep drinking. Think I'm going to pass out… another gram of coke up my nose… I'll drink some more now. Keep drinking, day turns into night quickly like that. Drink some more. Drank so much, so much coke up my nose, so much brownstone in my veins. So drunk and high.

Midnight, go to the hole in the wall. Stevie's there as usual, smoking pot. Here for more medicine. Just to get me through. Yes, just to get me through.

1 more conference in Germany, then off to Italy, then Spain, then France, then UK. Will be nice to be back in the UK, back home. Conferences are in London, will catch the tube to visit the family, they don't know I'm back getting high, will need to be careful around them. They weren't there the main years of high-ness, only heard about it, and then heard I got clean… well, that lasted! Haven't even told them I'll be in the UK… surprise!

Conferences are boring no matter what, unless you can dress up, be someone or something else for the day, like Comic Con! Man, if only these conferences where like comic con! That would be so much better. I've never been to comic con, but I imagine it's more fun than these ones.

Spain, Italy and France are the same. The drugs were harder to find though. Visited the usual tourist attractions. Same old, same old. Ticked them off my bucket list.


	43. High N Dry In The UK

TO THE UK! Home. Here for only a week. 2 days off. Pent house suite, all to myself, again, sometimes much rather be on a park bench, smoking brownstone and drinking night train. Haven't had any night train in ages. Don't let the small price tag fool you… it's fucking strong stuff… and night train hangovers I believe are the worst. So, I'm in Wembley, no shows showing at the Arena or Stadium … what the fuck is with that? Down to the local pub, drink the rest of the day away… there's only a few hours left of it anyway. First conference in the UK tomorrow in London, another the next day… then it's a day off until head off to Manchester… and I've got my Liverpool FC jersey top ready! Ha Ha. It's like walking through New York with a Red Sox jersey on. EPIC! Except for the fact that Manchester United fans hate Liverpool FC fans, and vice versa (more than Red Sox & Yankees). And I should know, one of my old friends is a Man United fan, and when she found out I was a Liverpool FC supporter… she never looked at me the same again. We were still friends after that, but not like before… football couldn't be talked about in the group ever again without us getting into an argument. Good times, good times.

Drug dealer in a backstreet alley way. Buy some brownstone. On my way. Room service, 7 bottles of Scotch and 6 pack of beer. Drinking the rest of the trip away, getting high on my own… something I know too much of.

Conferences… boring. Get drunk before I head in, smoke as much brownstone as I can, get me through this one… all before I head in. Couple bottles in my system, 4 grams in my system … should be enough to get me through the conference.

It's the same old, same old shit. Notes to please to the boss. Seems like I'm writing the same shit at every single one of them.

Day off, on the tube, up to Felixstowe… surprise visit to family, haven't seen any of them in years… would be a good 5 years. They would fly to Australia every now and then, some more than others. Go to Tesco in Ipswich, granddad's there, catch up over a cuppa, I think yes. He's doing well, which is always good, still keeps up with his walks, he's very fit, walks everyday… rain, sunshine or snow. Used to walk with him. Crunching on an apple or an orange, he's very healthy, very fit. He hopes to get to at least 90 years old, and at this rate, I wouldn't be surprised if he gets into triple figures.

Head back to Felixstowe, visit everybody there. Always nice to see everybody, not much has changed… at all. Ask if Bob's tattoo place is still there, it is, good. Wouldn't trust anybody else to do a tattoo. He's been there for a good 60 years, Bob's son runs it now, trained by Bob, no advertising needed. It's all about reputation, the word of the mouth. My dad got his tattoos done there, and they still look great, after all those years… recommended from my dad to get it done there if I was to get one done. Invited to stay for dinner at Uncle David's. Sure, why not? Catch up with everyone over dinner. Saw Nan just before stopping over at David's. She's doing well. As I said, nothing much has changed. Dinner over, we have a drink and I head back out, to Bob's. On the corner somewhere in Ipswich, but not the town center bit, just outside of it. Get my second tattoo done, it's a Gibson Les Paul guitar on my right upper arm with Slash's autograph across it. It's official to… well it wasn't there, but it was off an official autograph… won it in a competition, signed Snakepit album, It's Five O'clock Somewhere. One of the happiest days of my life when I opened the package and saw it. Tattoo took a few hours, a few hundred pounds. Grab a bottle of Jack and head back on the tube. Back in Wembley at 2am, collapse on the bed at 2:15am, alarm at 9am… snooze 5 times… 9:45am phone rings… hang up, it goes to voicemail at 9:46am… press snooze another 5 times… wake up at 11am. 11:15am, phone rings again, I answer it this time.

"Hello?" I answer

"About time you got up" voice on the other end says

"Who is this?"

"Your boss, Rebecca"

"Fuck, what do you want? I need to get ready"

"You should be on the way there"

"Look, I'll get there for when it starts, no sooner, no later… okay?"

"I have been receiving complaints about you, people are wanting to meet the person representing the company"

"And they can, during the actual conference… it's all I stay for"

"And about you being intoxicated during them"

"I drink before and after them, not during them"

"Even in Germany?!"

"Hey, Oktoberfest was right out the door… I could've not spent a minute in the conference, but I stayed at the conference for the whole time"

"How about after the conference?"

"I spent a couple of hours at the fest… but it was after"

"How about…"

"Look, boss, I need to start getting ready for the last conference in London, it starts soon you know… talk to you soon" I end and hang up. "Oh, I hate this job"

Last conference, half day off, then to Manchester, for the final conferences… then back to the USA.

Manchester… oh Manchester… how I do not like you. But I love the looks you give me… evil, hatred glares… that I love. In my Liverpool FC jersey top… Manchester United FC lost to Liverpool FC in the last match they played against each other. This is great!

Conference… notes, same as all the others. Might as well have photocopied the first one. Need my doctor… need to feelgood. Harder to find than in London, but worth it. Speedball through the night, bottle of scotch, bottle of rum, bottle of beer and a bottle of vodka. Should do me. Lonely, turn on the television, wrestling is on, pass out. Wake up noon the next day, running late. Last and final conference in less than 15 minutes… great! Wash face, spray everywhere, changed, squirt toothpaste into mouth, swirl around water & spit, head to last conference. Arrive just in time, no new alcohol or cocaine or heroin in my system, must get through it.

5 hours have never felt this long ever… well, in a long time.

Fly back to the USA tomorrow morning from Heathrow London airport. Fly down to London 1 hour after the conference, met the people Rebecca was dying for me to meet… this took up the hour. Shaking, scratching, cold. Grab my stuff from my hotel room, head to the airport. Search helplessly through my stuff, hoping to find something to stop this agony. Find the tiniest bit of heroin, no time to melt it down… smoke it. That's better.

That's the thing with heroin… you think you can just stop whenever, you think you're not relying on it… but in reality, you are relying on it, you're always thinking how and where you're going to get your next fix… 'when' you know always, the fix will be ASAP, as in now. Because when you're high to never ever want to come down.

Stay at the airport hotel, next to Heathrow overnight. Room service… pie, mushy peas, mashed potato and gravy for dinner with a warm beer. Oh I miss this. Go out, find a dealer on the corner, 10 grams of brownstone, 3 grams of cocaine.


	44. You're Back On It?

Flight at 6am, no sleep, didn't even pass out. Up all night, airport at 3:30am, at the gate at 5:45am. Do my last fix before heading on the plane. Flying first class to New York as no direct flight to anywhere in Tennessee. Work paying for this flight, flight after New York I pay for. Heading to Los Angeles I am, not expected into work until Monday… it's Friday today. Hang out at the Rainbow I will!

Land in New York at around midday (New York time). Get my next fix before I head to LA. Land in LA at 7pm (LA time). Head to the Sunset Strip, hang in the Rainbow for the whole night into the morning, smoking and drinking, seeing various Rockstars or Rockdudes coming in and out. It's like that little hole in the wall in Germany, except there isn't a menu of drugs to choose from. You still got the smoking, drinking, shooting up everywhere. I belong in places like this, it's great!

I catch a flight to Tennessee on the Sunday morning and land around 1pm and head straight to the park to get my latest high from Bob and see Joe the busker. I get to the park in time for the end of Joe's busking set.

"Haven't seen you on that bench in the past couple of weeks, ma'am" Joe says once his finished set

"Yeah, haven't been on the USA in the past couple of weeks, and please, call me Zoe" I respond, drinking down a beer.

"On holiday then, Zoe?"

"In the past couple of weeks? Sort of… mixing business and pleasure in a trip around Europe"

"Sounds good, oh, I'm Joe by the way"

"Nice to meet you Joe"

"I should get back home to the wife"

"Married then?"

"Yeah, but she doesn't know I busk, so yeah… tell her I'm working overtime"

"You should get going then"

"Yep, bye for now, Zoe"

"Bye Joe"

The week comes and goes, one big ball of highness. Went back to work, gave Rebecca the notes from the various conventions, every page looking similar as every single convention felt like the same. Phil and Sera are still together, Kim and Phil's mate John are starting to hit it off. If only I could find a match for me! I get back from work on the Friday and have a message left on the answering machine. I play it while opening my second bottle of vodka of the day.

"Hey, it's Adam, uhh, I don't know how to put this, I'll just come out and say it. I'm seeing someone, she's really cool. There was just that feeling I should tell you about it, so yeah. Hope to see you down the track. Bye" the message says and ends.

"Oh" I say to myself and drink down some vodka. I roll a bit of brownstone and coke in some rolling paper and light it up. With a personalized smoke between my lips, I grab my spoon and melt down some of the rest of my brownstone and coke, not all of what I have left. That would be silly!

I pass out on the sofa just before Kim and Sera get back from their double date, with Phil & John. As they walk in, they see the lighter and spoon on the coffee table that's in front of the TV & next to where I'm passed out on the sofa.

"Shit" Sera says

Kim makes sure I'm still alive. "She's still alive, I thought she was off this shit"

"Well, apparently not" Sera responds and walks up to me who's still passed out. "ZOE! ZOE! ZOE! ZOE!" she yells, shaking and slapping me.

"What?" I answer and slowly sit up.

"Since when are you back on this shit?" Kim yells

"Depends" I say, smiling

"On what?" Sera asks

"What's the date of today minus the date you met Phil?" I answer, looking at Sera. "Look, it was a couple of weeks before I headed to Europe on business, calm you asses down!"

They both look at me, disappointment in their eyes.

"Don't look at me like that! What you going to do, send me to rehab again?"

They sigh and walk away.

"That's what I thought" I finish and lie back down on the sofa, closing my eyes.

Sunday comes and I sit at my usual park bench with my bottle of rum, watching & listening to Joe play. Uniqueness in his voice, hard to describe his voice without using the word unique. Putting a soft, country style onto songs that are hard & fast. It's very cool, listening to what he does to songs like Sweet Child O'Mine, Kickstart My Heart, Highway To Hell, and Born In The USA. It's like, he can't decide whether to play country music or rock music… so he puts a country twist on rock music. I've never been a fan of country music unless it's greats like Willie Nelson or Johnny Cash. Anyways, Joe is very cool, awesome how he does it & that it actually works! That's the most amazing thing about it… it works!


	45. Better Than 69

Monday comes, and it's a usual slow day at the office. I have time to put my feet up on my desk, lean back in my chair, half a bottle of Scotch on the desk and personalized smoke in my mouth. The phone rings for the fifth time today… and it's 2 in the afternoon, when will this place get busy!

"You've reached the AMMA, this is Zoe… apparently" I answer on speaker phone

"You answer it so professionally" the person of the other side says

"Have to, it's my job. What can I help you with?"

"It's Kim"

"As in my friend Kim?"

"Yes, that Kim"

"Why are you calling on my work phone?"

"To make it look like you're doing your job, and plus, when you're at home, you're usually passed out on the sofa from drinking and getting high"

"Who said I'm not drinking or getting high right now?"

"Come on, you're at work… this should be the time of day when you've got a hangover but sober"

"Why do you think I drink and get high Kim? It's all because of this place. I got back on the stuff because I started this up again"

"Are you getting high right now?"

"Yeah, but this shit is really crap shit"

"So…"

"Not like I usually am… anyway, why'd you call?"

"I need to talk"

"About…"

"I don't think John and I are going to last much longer"

"Why not? He's great"

"You've only said hi to him"

"Exactly, it's great. Now, why aren't you two going to last?"

"I've seen somebody else, and it feels good"

"Oh, who is he?"

"Name's Ashley"

"Ashley ay! Wait, guy Ashley or…"

"It's a chick"

"Oh…" I say and sit up, in slight shock.

"Yeah, she's really cool"

"How'd you meet?"

"She was at the same place where we went on the double date, she's one of John's friends"

"Ha"

"She smiled at me and chatted and got to know each other… I like her"

"You going to take any action on it?"

"Well, I figured, since you're a match maker, if you could…"

"Fine, I'll do it"

"Awesome… wait, what will you do?"

"Lay down my magic & ta-da!"

"Okay… thanks"

"See you later… and if I pass out on the sofa tonight"

"You mean, when you pass out on the sofa tonight"

"Shut up smartass… look it'll be because I'm drunk, not high… today's shit is really crap"

"Got it"

"Bye"

"Bye"

I press the hang up button. "I need some pure shit" I say to myself and make a call to a dealer that's just around the corner who delivers.

5 minutes later, I get a call from administration downstairs. "Miss Clarke, you have a package for collection"

"Does the person want me to come down or the person fine with coming up to my office?" I ask and then hear silence for a few seconds.

"He said he can come up, I'll give him the office map"

"Thanks, send him up" I finish and hang up, waiting for my package to come up.

A few moments later, there's a knock at my office door.

"It's open" I say loud enough for the person to hear. He enters with a box in his hand. "You got the shit?"

"Yeah, pure shit"

"Great, come, sit" I say motioning to the seat

He sits and takes a clear bag out the box. This looks good. "Here, try, imported, Germany"

"Love Germany"

He melts some on the spoon and pulls out two syringes. We shoot some up and a big grin comes on my face… this is even better than number 69.

About half an hour later, we get down to business.

"How much do I owe you?" I ask

He writes down a number on a piece of paper and slides it to me. I look at it and grab my cash out my drawer. I give him the bill and a 6 pack of beer.

"Pleasure doing business with you" he says as he takes the beer and cash.

"You too" I finish

He leaves.

A few minutes later my boss, Rebecca, knocks at the door. I put my syringes and spoons into my drawer.

"Come in" I say loud enough for her to hear.

"Who was that?" she asks

"Who?"  
"The guy that was just in here. He a new client?"

"Uhh, yeah"

"Well, I got answer about the Florida situation"  
"What Florida situation?"

"About an office not currently being there"

"Oh yeah, that situation"

"Well, there is now going to be an office there"

"Oh, cool"

"Once the office it there, I'll be transferred there unless I can find someone who can"

"Who would be running this place if you head there?"

"You"

"What?"

"Would you rather be moved to Florida? You are the one that bought it up in the first place"

"I don't know"

"Think about it" she finishes and leaves my office

"Fuck!" I yell and throw an empty bottle of Jack Daniels across the room, and it shatters as it hits the wall.


	46. My Job Is Done Here

The week goes on for so long after that… even though I'm high and drunk the majority of the time. Sunday comes around and I head to the usual park bench and listen to Joe play. He finishes his set and I treat him to a drink at a local pub.

"So the wife found out about my busking" he says, drinking down a bottle of beer

"Really, how?" I ask

"She saw my pay slip and there was no overtime pay on there"

"Bummer"

"Yeah, anything new with you?"

"Well, my boss asked if I want to be transferred to Florida or that her job"

"Don't move to Florida"

"Why?"

"You're my biggest fan!"

I laugh slightly. "I don't want to move, I'm finally settled here, but I don't want to do her job… it's a this or that situation"

"Oh"

"I'm basically doing her job now, but she works on every second weekend… I don't want to work weekends… and I'm getting drunk all the time"

"And high"

"How'd you know?"

"I used to do it all, wife sent me to rehab because she didn't want me to high on the wedding day, been off it ever since"

"Good for you"

"So what you going to do?"

"I'm going to stay"

"Good"

"Yeah" I say and finish my bottle. I put down the money for the beers (mine and his).

"Same time next week?" he asks as I leave the pub

"You bet" I finish and head back to my apartment.

The week comes and goes once again. Rebecca, my boss, asks me for my decision and I give it to her. She announces the changes at the meeting that week. There was a mixed reaction by all my colleagues, some happy, other wishing it was them… the majority of them have been working there longer than I have there… mixed reactions. The office is only just being set up in Florida so will be about a year before Rebecca is transferred there. It will be all good! I'll run this place my way… I won't be working weekends like Rebecca does… especially Sundays… will never work for this place on a Sunday. It will be all good!

Months go by and still all is good, well most things. Joe and I have become great friends, Sera and Phil are still together, work is busy but still slow enough to keep on top of it all, Kim and John on the other hand… well… not together anymore. Yeah, they went their separate ways, but Kim is happy going after Ashley… and I'm happy when she's happy. I've been helping Kim along the way with it, but I'm not sure that Ashley is gay or bisexual, but she does sometimes act like she is. I think only time will tell.

Saturday of this week comes and I see Ashley at the bar with a vodka and coke. I take a seat on the barstool next to her and order myself a drink. I sit in silence for a few minutes thinking I'll start talking in a bit, but instead, Ashley starts.

"Hey, you're Zoe right?" she asks

"Yeah, hi" I answer sipping my pint of beer

"I'm Ashley"

"I know!" I say and smile at her

"Have you talked with Kim lately?"

"I live with her, we talk whenever I'm not passed out on the sofa, why?"

"Does she like me?"

"What kind of like?"

"You know…"

"Yeah, she does… why?"

"I thought so"

"Do you like her?"

"Sort of"

"Good"

"Good?"

"My job is done" I say and smile, finishing my pint of beer and ordering some Jack Daniels

"I don't know how to tell her, the thought of it feels weird to me"

"So you like her?"

"Sort of"

"I'm asking you a yes or no question"

"Then…" she says and pauses, thinking for about a minute. "Yes"

"That's all I need to know" I finish, smile, drink the Jack Daniels and leave.

I get back to the apartment with Kim waiting anxiously for me.

"Well, well… well?" she asks as I come through the door

"Well what?"

"Did you talk with her?"

"Who?"

"Ashley"

"Oh… yeah"

"And…"

"She talked"

"You're not helping me here…"

"What do you want to know?"

"Does she like me or not?"

"Sort of"

"Sort of?"

"She said sort of"

"Did you ask for straight answer?"

"Yes"

"And…"

"Yes"

She smiles and screams in excitement. She calms down after a bit. "Thank you"

"No problem… just remember my drinks money"

"How much?"

"2 shots of Jack and a pint of beer… that's $10"

"Fine" she says and gives me $10

"What, no tip?" I laugh

"Yeah, cut back on the drinking"

"Ha ha" I finish


	47. A Gig Better Than Busking

Sunday comes and I meet Joe at the park, ready for his busking set. He does his usual songs and I begin to sing along… I'm drunk to say the least! At just over three quarters way through his set, a pub owner from across the road approaches us.

"Hi, I'm Patrick, how would you like to earn some real money?" he asks Joe

"I'm Joe… how would I?"

"Perform a set at my pub, I'll give you $75 per set each… wait is it both of you or just you, Joe?"

"Just me"

"Oh"

"But she sometimes does it too" Joe says, motioning to me

"Do you?" Patrick asks

"Yeah, sure" I answer

"Great, the duo I've been looking for! Look, here's my card, think about it, gives a call and we'll sort something out" Patrick says and gives both of us a business card

"Wait, what's in it for you?" I ask

"A live act always draws customers, and you two are different… I like different acts" Patrick explains

"Ok, cool" Joe says

"Hope you see you two soon" Patrick finishes and walks away

"Do you really want to do this in a pub?" I ask Joe when Patrick is gone

"It's a step up from busking on the street" he answers

"It is"

Silence comes for a few moments.

"So, you up for it?" Joe asks me

"I'll do it, I've heard your set enough times to know exactly what's on it"

"Sweet"

"Find out what days and times he wants it at his pub"

"I will"

"Seriously, call him if you really want to do it"

"I promise, I will be"

I give him my business card (from the AMMA) and write my mobile phone on the back of the card. "Call me when you get information from him… hope it's a Sunday or something for the pub set"

"Ok, finally getting the break I've been after"

"Calm down" I say and laugh slightly, "I'll see you next week"

"Yeah"

"Remember!" I emphasize as I head back to my apartment.

"I will, see you"

I get back to my apartment and see all of my bottles of alcohol are empty by the sink.

"What the hell?" I say to myself

Sera walks in. "Oh good, you're back. Can you set the table? Phil's coming over for dinner"

"Sure… but first… what the hell happened to my drinks?"

"I put them down the sink… can't have alcohol around Phil, so I'm not having it in the house anymore"

"But this is my house, that was my alcohol… and since when do I have a table that we eat at?"

"I went and got one yesterday, it got here today" she says pointing to a dining table

"Oh"

"Can you please set it now? He'll be here in a bit"

"Fine…" I say and grab some cutlery and begin to set the table

"Thank you"

"One question… has he seen the real you yet or are you going to play pretend for the rest of your life?"

"He has"

"Then why am I setting a table? You and I both know that this isn't the real you"

"Because people usually sit at a table when they eat"

"Then why…"

"Look, I know where you're going with this… I just want to impress him because I really, really like him"

"And if he really, really likes you, he'll accept you for the way you really are and not this everything must be perfect Sera shell that you've wrapped yourself in when you're with him"

"What if he doesn't accept it?"

"Then it was never meant to be. I set you two up because I figured that when he sees the real you, he'll fall in love with it and accept the way you really are… even though it's quite the opposite to the way he is. Now stop your acting and relax"

"What if…"

"Stop thinking of the 'what if's!"

"It'll be your biggest failure"

"I know, I'll accept that… but it won't make my life much different to how it is at the moment… I'll still be high and dry"

"Maybe you should stop getting 'high and dry' and come back to reality"

"Yeah… and monkeys will fly out of my butt!"

Knock at the door.

"Shit, his here" Sera screams in panic and runs into her room to finish getting ready

"Calm down and be yourself" I tell her and answer the door

"Oh, is Sera there?" Phil asks as I open the door

"Sera? Oh yeah, she's just… finishing up… come in" I answer and motion him inside. "Take a seat, she shouldn't be long"

"Thanks" he says and sits down

"Drink?"

"Yeah… just a Pepsi"

"No Jack or Jim in that?"

"No, no… just the Pepsi"

"Oh right… you're straightedge… I forgot about that" I say and pass him a can of Pepsi

"Is she going to be long now?"

"I'll check on her." I walk to her room and knock on the door. "Oi, you got a visitor, hurry up"

"Coming!" Sera responds and steps out of her room.

"Hey" Phil greets

"Hi" Sera responds.

"I'll just leave you two to it" I say and walk out the front door.

"Where you going?" Sera asks

"Appointment with Doctor Feelgood, since I'm not allowed to shoot in my own house!" I say and head to my car

"Everything okay?" Phil asks Sera.

"Yes, everything is just perfect"

"Good" he finishes and they sit down for dinner.


	48. Truth Of The Face

I lay on the park bench with Night Train in a brown paper bag clenched in my hand and a Mr. Brownstone cigarette in my mouth. All I need to do now is go down to the Paradise City! HA! That was a bad joke. I was the people walk around, heading out to restaurants, it's the dinner time rush. Couples holding hands, families gathered around a table, people smiling and laughing. It's all fake. Nobody has the balls to be real in this day and age, it's all put on, all pretend… pretending is the new reality. Give me truth over everything else, over love, over fairness, over lust, over greed… over everything, just give me truth. I see a familiar face walk by and the face sees me.

"Zoe?" the face greets

"Jay?" I greet back, swallowing a gulp of Night Train

"Hey, how are you?"

"I'm fine, how are you?"

"I'm great… why are you out here on the bench?"

"I'm not completely sure as to why, but I am… I end up spending the majority of my time that I'm not working on this bench"

"Don't you have an apartment or something?"

"I do, it's just more fun here than there… what are you doing here?"

"Working… got some appearances lined up"

"Oh, okay then"

"Did you hear about Adam?"

"What about Adam?"

"He's out dating again"

"Oh yeah, I did… he left a message on my answering machine about it"

"And…"

"And what?"

"You're cool with that?"

"Totally, we're all adults here, and anyway… it's not like we were still seeing each other, you know"

"Ha"

"Yep" I say, then drink down some more Night Train and another (and last) puff of my cigarette.

"Are you seeing anyone?"

"No, why?"

"No reason, just wondering… if you want to…"

"Oh, just come out with it already" I tell him and put my empty bottle of Night Train in the bin beside the bench

"Do you want to get a bite to eat?" he asks

"Sure, I could go for some food" I reply and smile at him

He smiles back and we go to grab something to eat (which just happened to be a McDonalds).

We hang and talk some more for a few hours… well, until around midnight… before I head back to my apartment.

"You know, before I saw you, I was on my way to check into my hotel room" Jay says as we get to my door

"Really now"

"Yeah, and they don't allow check in after midnight"

"What kind of hotel is that?"

"A silly one, I know"

"You don't get straight to the point do you?"

"No"

"Yes Jay, you can stay the night here"

"Thanks"

"But no funny business"

"Fine, no funny business"

"Good" I finish and open the front door.

We walk inside.

"Please, make yourself at home, because someone has to"

"If I was to make myself at home, I would be walking around in my underwear"

"Not once have I seen you do that"

"That's because it was always too cold for ones balls to do so in Canada"

"When I say make yourself at home, seriously, make yourself at home"

"Okay then… what's with the empty bottles of alcohol near the sink?"

"They're mine… were mine… my roommate/friend tipped them down the sink trying to impress a guy, who's straightedge… and seeing that's his car is still in the car park, it worked"

"Ha… how come he gets to have funny business and I don't?"

"They've been together for a few months now… and you are yet to impress me"

"Oh, okay then" he accepts and makes himself at home.

I turn around and see that his stripped down to just his underwear. "Ha"

"Impressed?"

"You've been working out a lot since last time"

"Yes I have"

"Sofa, now"

He lies down on the sofa. I take off my t-shirt, throw it to the other side of the room and climb on top of him. We kiss. I stop it.

"Maybe next time you'll impress me" I say and get off him. "Night Jay" I finish and walk to my room.

The next morning comes along and Jay is asleep on the sofa in just his underwear and Kim wakes him up.

"Oh my god, you're Christian… I'm a huge fan!" Kim says in excitement.

"Hello… where do you want me to sign?" he answers, half asleep

"Sign what?" she asks, starting to make breakfast

"Okay then" he says as he sits up

"You after Zoe?"

"Zoe? Oh yeah, yeah"

"I'll go get her… just a pre-warning, she tends to be a bit cranky in the morning if she hasn't had her early morning hit"

"No, no… wait. Early morning hit?"

"Oh, you don't know? You probably shouldn't then"

"Okay. Which one is her room?" he asks and stands up

"Down the hall, last door on your left"

"Thanks… uhh"

"Kim"

"Thanks Kim" he thanks and walks to my room. He collapses on my bed next to me and drapes his arm across me.

20 minutes later, my alarm to get up and ready for work sounds. I wake up slightly to turn it off. I see his arm across me. "Oh fuck" I say to myself and sit up. I see that I still have my clothes on and he still has his underwear on. "Thank god!" I say and light up a joint along with taking a gulp of vodka that I keep next to my bed. I get up and walk into the kitchen.

"Morning" Kim greets with a smile, making waffles.

"Hey… oh, waffles"

"They're not for you"

"Who's are they then?"

"Everybody but you"

"Why can't I have any?"

"Because you are still on the drugs… come off the drugs and you can have waffles"

I give her an early morning evil stare. "Fine"

"So you're going to get off them?"

"No, I just won't have those waffles… I'm already running late as it is"

"Since when do you care about getting to work on time?"

"Since I've ordered a package to get me through the week to be delivered this morning"

"You're getting it delivered now?"

"Yeah… and it's really good shit too"

"You're getting worse"

"Things get worse before they get better"

"Unless you die before it gets better"

"Exactly"

"Now have a bloody waffle and get yourself ready"

"Thanks, knew I'll get one from ya" I say and grab a waffle

"That just came out of the toaster oven…"

"I know… it's hot"

"Did you burn yourself?"

"Don't think so… I've burnt myself on my drugs so many times, a little heat like that hardly affects me now"

"That's bad"

"I know" I finish and eat the waffle, as I've now finished my early morning joint. I head to the shower to start getting myself ready.

Half an hour later, I finish getting myself ready for work and Jay's phone alarm goes off. I grab his jeans (where his phone is in one of the pockets) and throw them onto him.

"Get up sleepy head" I say with tooth brush in my mouth

"5 more minutes"

"Well, turn off your phone alarm… and you've got missed calls from Adam"

"Fucking hell"

"Exactly"

He grabs his phone out of the pocket and turns off the alarm. "Why does your room smell of different smokes and vomit?"

"I've got some bad habits… now I'm heading to work. Do you need a lift anywhere?"

"Oh… uhh, yeah… lift to the hotel"

"Well, get your clothes on… I'm out of here in less than 5"

"Fine" he sighs and put his jeans on.

I head back to the bathroom to spit. "Sera still in bed?" I ask as I walk past Kim.

"Yeah, they had a big night last night"

"I can tell" I say grabbing my jacket. "Jay, hurry up" I yell down the hallway

"Coming" he yells back, putting his shirt on

"So, are you two…?"

"No, no…" I answer and see Jay is finally ready. "I'll explain later" I tell Kim and head out the door.

"Nice to meet you Kim" Jay says as he follows behind me.

"You too" Kim replies with a big smile.

We get into my car and drive to the hotel he was supposed to check into yesterday.

"Sweet. Hey… uhh… thanks for everything, you know" Jay thanks as we pull outside the hotel.

"Anytime" I smile back

He smiles and steps out of the car. He closes the car door and waves bye. I wave back and start my drive to work.


	49. No You Can't, Get Out

I get to work and have a message on my answering machine.

"Hi Zoe, it's Joe. I meet up with Patrick after my set yesterday to talk to him about the pub gig thing. He said it would be either Saturday nights or Sunday afternoons, possibly both. He said that a meal and two drinks each will be free of charge for each of the gigs, along with between $75 and $125 each. I've got a good feeling about this. Talk soon" the message plays.

"Wow, that was quick" I say to myself as I sit down in my chair.

There's a knock at the door. Delivery guy. I grab my purse and give him the notes to pay the price. He smiles and leaves. I take a look inside… pure. I smile and lock my office door. With blinds closed and my window slightly open, I take my spoon, lighter and 1 of my new syringes out. I put a small piece on the spoon and melt it down, inhaling the smoke into my system and pouring the melted down Brownstone in the syringe. Find the vein, inject and smile. This is great.

Work goes by as usual… except for the fact that Adam dropped by.

Call from downstairs. "Zoe, you have a visitor"

"Send it up" I reply and put the phone down.

A minute later, I'm drinking down a bottle of beer, Adam knocks on my door.

"Come in" I say, drinking a bit more.

He enters. "Hey"

I look at him in slight shock and cough, slightly choking on some beer. I recover. "Hey, what are you doing here?"

"I'm here because I can be here"

"No you can't, get out"

"I'm kidding… just wanted to check up on you… I just finished an appearance with Jay and some of the other guys… thought I'll come and say hi before my next destination"

"Well… hi, I'm fine, I'm back to my old self… high and dry"

"High and dry?"

"Yeah… before I headed to Canada, back in Australia, I was addicted to heroin and alcohol… I got off it to save up for my trip, knowing that drugs would be harder to get my hands on to in Canada compared to America, hence going to Canada… and heck, I'm living in America & addicted again… how are you?"

"Great, trying to digest the fact you're an addict"

"Hard to believe?"

"Yeah"

"I had been sober… well, off the hard stuff… for 7 months or so before I met you"

"Oh, okay then"

"How's the dating gig going?" I ask

"Yeah, good so far… been on a few with the same girl, Alex, so yeah"

"So nothing too serious yet then?"

"No, but think it could get serious down the line. You seeing anyone?"

"Nope"

"Really… that's not what a little bird told me"

"What little bird?"

"Chris"

"What's he know about my love life?"

"He told me that you dropped Jay at the hotel this morning"

"So… Jay crashed at my place last night on the sofa"

"Are you and Jay together?"

"No. Why should you care anyway?"

"Jay has been my best friend for the majority of my life. That's why I care"

"Fine. What if I was in a relationship with Jay? Would you be able to accept the fact that your best friend is with your ex-fiancé?"

"If he's happy, I'm happy"

"That's a load of bollocks!"

"How so?"

"If you're not happy, you're not happy… it has zero to do with another's happiness. What you said has just became a figure of speech over years of having life with the seven sins… especially envy and greed. There's always going to be ways to affect one's feelings, but one's happiness can't be dependent on another's happiness, not everybody's happiness is the same"

"Oh"

"It's really quite simple, it's why what you said is a load of bollocks. If he's happy, you can only be happy for him, but you ain't really happy"

"Guess you're right. You always are"

"Shouldn't you be getting somewhere?"

"Not yet… start driving tomorrow morning… thought I'll sit back and watch you work, you know, just hang"

I laugh slightly. "Really? That's how you want to spend the rest of your afternoon. Really?"

He leans back, relaxing in the chair. "Yep"

"Fine… I'm not going to stop you"

He smiles.

I dial the number for my assistant, Lisa, to check when my next client appointment is.

"Yes, Miss Clarke" she answers

"Lisa, when's my next scheduled client appointment?"

"In 10 minutes, but he's already here. Would you like me to send him in now or wait until scheduled?"

"Send him in, I'm starting to get bored"

"Will do"

"Thank you"

She hangs up. The client enters and I work my magic… nothing special, nothing worth writing about with this one… Adam just sat in the corner, watching.

Later that afternoon, about 10 minutes before I finish work I get another visitor.

"Miss Clarke, a guy named Joe is here to see you"

"Oh yeah, just send him in"

"You sure? You finish in less than 10 minutes"

"Just send him in, I think I know why his here"

"Okay"

"Thank you" I finish and hang up

"Who's Joe?" Adam asks, still here

"Friend" I answer

"Just a friend?"

"Yes, just a friend… he's happily married"

Joe walks in. "Hey Zoe"

"Hey Joe, I got your message"

"And…"

"I say go for it… I'm in if you're up for it"

"Awesome… oh, do you know how to play guitar?"

"Acoustic?"

"Yeah"

"Yeah, I learnt it back in school… why?"

"I don't think just one will be enough"

"I like where you're going with this"

"Who's that guy?" Joe asks, noticing Adam in the corner

"Ignore him"

"Okay. We'll talk more about this later in the week"

"Sure"

"Bye"

"Bye"

He leaves and I start to get my stuff, ready to leave work.

I leave work to head back home and say bye to Adam.


	50. A Tighty Whitey Note

I get back to my apartment and have Sera & Kim waiting for me.

"Woah, hey guys" I greet with a joint between my lips

"Explain" Sera says

"Explain what?" I ask

"Explain why someone didn't wake me up when Christian was here?"

"But you should first explain why he was here in the first place" Kim says

"Okay… he was here because he found me again last night when I was out, we got a bite to eat from McDonalds, talked until midnight… to catch up on stuff… came back here and he crashed on the sofa" I explain

"Why didn't someone wake me up so I could meet him?" Sera asks

"Saw that Phil's car was still here, didn't want to disturb you two" I tell her

"Oh yeah" Sera realizes and giggles

"Anything else?" I ask

"Will he be crashing here tonight?" Kim asks

"I don't think so, but I can't guarantee it"

"Why was he only wearing underwear?"

"Because I told him to make himself feel at home… so he did" I answer and smile

"What if he does come again tonight?"

"Tell him to make himself at home"

Hours later, when Kim had fallen asleep, Sera & Phil were watching a movie, and I was melting down my latest fix, there's a knock at the door. Sera gets up to answer it. Jay's on the other side of the door.

He smiles. "Zoe in?"

"Yeah, come in. I'm a big fan. Make yourself at home, I'll see what she's doing" Sera greets, slightly excited about meeting him finally.

"Thanks" he smiles and walks inside.

Sera walks to my room and opens the door. "He's here"

"Who's here?" I ask, pouring my speedball mix into a syringe.

"Christian"

"You tell him to make himself at home?"

"Yes I have, he's after you"

"He always is" I say and smile at her. "I'll be done in a minute" I tell her and find the vein.

"Okay" she finishes and heads back to the living room to finish watching the movie with Phil.

I inject the speedball and put the needle into my dirty needle bin. I smile and meet up with Jay. "You gonna give it another shot?"

"Well, you're sofas are all taken, so yeah"

"Come on then" I say and take his hand in mine, leading him to my room.

We get into my room and close the door. "I think I know why I didn't impress you last night"

"Go on then"

"I was wearing the wrong kind of underwear"

"Yeah, tighty-whitey underwear doesn't turn me on"

"Exactly"

"So what do you have for me tonight?"

He strips down to his underwear which is a pair of baggy silk like boxers.

"Well, they're a lot better than what you wore last night"

He smiles. "So… do I get any funny business tonight?"

I look at him, pulling sad puppy-like eyes, a face I find hard to say no to. "Come on then" I tell him and get into bed.

He follows.

We kiss and slowly get naked under the covers… and well… you should know by now what happens next! We go at it for about an hour and then talk for another hour before falling asleep.

At 4 in the morning, his phone goes off in his jeans. He wakes up and reaches over to grab his jeans, trying not to wake me up in the process.

"Oh man" he whispers to himself, seeing that it's a reminder to get back to the hotel and start the driving to the next destination, North Carolina.

I moan and roll over, draping my arm across his warm chest before smiling in my sleep. I'm comfortable like this, somehow comfortable next to him, knowing that it is him and not a stranger I met in a pub downtown, looking for a lousy one night stand. He's not another one night stand to add to my list, we both assume we've done it together more than once and we both came back looking for more than we got. I knew he would come back last night when I found out the driving didn't start until this morning.

He looks at me and smiles, kisses me on my forehead. "I've got to go, see you soon" he whispers to me before getting out of bed and putting his clothes back on, forgetting about his silk like boxers. He has enough time to write me a note before he creeps out of the door and leaves.

My alarm goes off at 6:25am before I realize he had left already. I grab my early morning fix and see a note on the other pillow.

"Hey, sorry I had to leave while you were still sleeping. I start driving to North Carolina this morning and start it at 4:45am. Sorry I didn't tell you that last night before we went to sleep, it must have slipped my mind. Will call you later, it might be today… I don't know yet when my call will be, probably when I next get a bit of alone time. Talk soon, see you soon. Love ya. Jay x"

I swallow a mouthful of vodka and a pill before seeing his boxers still on my floor. I laugh to myself and read the note over again, realizing this time over that he crossed out a couple of words before signing off. Love ya. I swallow but then cough, choking on some vodka I just swallowed. I get up, quickly putting on the nearest pieces of clothing (the top I wore yesterday and his boxers) and taking the note & vodka out to the kitchen where Kim is making scrambled eggs.

"Morning, who's boxers are they?" she greets

"Hey, take a wild guess"

"So he did come last night"

"Yes he did"

"He still here?"

"Nope"

"Why? Did you scare him off?"

"No… he left a note" I tell her handing her the note he left on the pillow

She quietly reads it. "Oh…" she says then reads it over again. "Oh damn… he really likes you… or does he?"

"I don't know" I say, shaking my head and spooning some of the scrambled eggs onto a plate

"Why do you always get the confusing ones?"

"I don't know"

"He obviously has some feelings for you but he doesn't want to show them yet"

"I know" I agree, eating my scrambled eggs

"The eggs good?"

"Yeah, but you forgot to add vodka to the mix this morning"

"I know, I did it on purpose"

"Why?"

"Phil's car is out the front still"

"Oh man"

"Yeah… do you have feelings for him?"

"I don't know… he was like my best friend up in Canada, we talked about everything, you know. Although I talked a lot with Terry as well, he always had one eye on my butt, and Jay didn't. He knew every time there was something bugging me or on my mind, and he wouldn't stop until he got it out of me, you know. He's my stereotypical gay friend who isn't gay"

"I know… you do have feelings for him"

"Why aren't you a match maker?"

"Because I'm not… I can just tell when one of my best friends has feelings for another"

"You should be… at least for me" I say and finish what I've got left of the scrambled eggs

"It's known that professional match makers find it hard to find a match for themselves"

"It is, it really is… I need to get myself ready"

"Yes you do"

I smile and gulp down the rest of my vodka before getting a shower.

I finish getting myself ready in time to leave for work.

"See you lot later" I say as I grab my jacket and car keys

"Bye" they all say… all being Sera, Phil and Kim.

"Oh, Kim… thanks" I say and smile, before shutting the door behind me.

"What was that for?" Sera asks

"I helped her clear her head" Kim answers

"Why? What of?" Sera asks

Kim hands her the note that Jay left, and she reads it a few times.

"Oh wow"

"Wait, who's Jay?" Phil asks

"Christian"  
"As in, THE Christian?"

"Yes, THE Christian"

"Shit! Wow… wait, as in… Christian that wrestles for WWF?"

"Yes, that very Christian!"

"How does she know him?"

"She was with Edge before she moved here, and through Edge, met Christian and some others"

"Wow" he finishes


	51. Let Me Sleep for God's Sake

I head to work and have my usual day. Nothing special what so ever. Seriously, it was just a really boring day. Only clients… 8 today which makes it about 1 every hour… nice to be a bit busier than usual… that was the only different thing about it. It was a nice change I guess… although it did give me less time to get high and dry.

I head home with a fresh batch of alcohol since I don't have any left at home… thanks to Sera tipping next to it all down the sink, leaving me with just 2 bottles of beer & 1 bottle of vodka. I pull into the car park and see that Phil's car is no longer there.

"Yay, I can drink everywhere around the place now, and line up on the table again… yay" I say to myself, parking my car. I head to my apartment and unlock my door, with hands full with various bottles.

"Hey" Kim greets as I enter

"Hello" I answer back and look around the room. "Where's Sera?"

"Gone out to watch Phil at a wrestling event"

"Wrestling event on a Tuesday night?"

"Yeah, just a small event a few hours away"

"Oh, okay then"

"Did you talk to him?"

"Who?"

"Jay"

"Oh, no I haven't"

"Why not?"

"He's been driving all day and is doing an appearance now"

"Are you going to talk to him?"

"Yeah… maybe later"

"You should"

"Okay, I will"

"Will you?"

"Yes, I will"

She smiles. "Good"

Hours passed by getting high and drunk. I collapse on the sofa that night, early, from it all and get a call on the home phone at 1 in the morning, Wednesday morning. Kim hears it and wakes up to answer it.

"Oh passed out instead of falling asleep" she comments as she walks past me to get the phone. "Hello" she answers.

"Hey, it's Jay. Is Zoe there?"

"Hi Jay, hang on, I'll just… get her" she replies and puts the phone of the table. "Zoe, oi, Zoe… wake up, you got a phone call"

I moan.

"Wake up" she screams at me

"I'm up… what time is it?"

"About 1 o'clock"

"Why's it still dark out?"

"1 in the morning… you have a phone call"

"Fine" I say and get up. Kim hands me the phone and she goes back to bed. "Hello…"

"Hey sleepy head"

"Who is this?"

"It's Jay"

"Oh, hey…"

"You alright? You fell asleep earlier than the last couple of nights"

"Yeah, I'm fine. Yeah, I fell asleep… I don't remember falling asleep but I obviously did"

"You get my note that I left you?"

"Yeah… what'd you scribble out before you signed off?"

Silence for a moment. "Oh… I can't… remember."

"Do you want to know what it looks like it says underneath the scribble?"

"Sure"

"Are you sure you want to know?"

"Yeah"

"It looks like it says… love ya"

"Really?"

"Yeah, it actually does"

"Ha"

"Do you?"

Silence.

"Look, Jay… just come out with it"

"Yes… I kind of do… we've just become really close. Would have rather you hear it from me, not on a note I leave you, but from my lips, it's why I scribbled it out"

"Oh…"

"… I totally understand that you don't feel the same way, I don't expect you…"

"I do"

"What?"

"I do… feel the same way"

"No you don't"

"Yes I do… Jay, I love ya"

"Oh… wow"

"Yeah, wow"

"Glad that's settled"

"Same here… hey, I've got to get up early in the morning… do you mind if I just grab a couple more hours of sleep?"

"Sure, I should get some sleep too, talk later"

"Yeah, call me at work… I've got nothing important there… today"

"If I can, I will"

"Okay, night"

"Night"

I hang up and fall face first on the sofa.

Kim comes out of her room, screaming in excitement.

"Why won't people let me sleep tonight?" I yell over her screams

She stops. "How can you sleep? Jay just told you he loves you and you said it back. You should be reacting to that"

"I'll react when I get some sleep. Please Kim, just calm down about it, its quarter past one in the bloody morning, for God's sake"

"Well sorry for feeling excited for you. I wouldn't be able to sleep if that happened to me like that"

"Like what?"

"Oh come on… he was so sweet and romantic, like he wanted you to actually hear it from him instead of on a piece of paper. Are you guys officially together now then?"

"I guess we are now. Why were you listening to the conversation?"

"Because I needed to know, at points I wanted to scream at you both"

I laugh slightly. "Hey, Kim"

"Yeah"

"Stop listening into my conversations and let me go to sleep"

"Fine… can I tell Sera the good news?"

"Not yet"

"When?"

"When I've had a sleep that didn't start of with me passing out, just let the dust settle a bit first"

"Fine, I'll try not to tell her"

"You won't tell her"

"Okay, I'll let you sleep"

"Thank you"

"Good night" she finishes and heads back to her room

I fall back asleep.

Kim writes Sera a note explaining the events that just happened and puts it next to her (Sera's) bed, before heading back into her room to really go back to sleep.


	52. Paperwork And A Terry Bet

Sera gets home at about 5:30am (without Phil) and see the note instantly. She reads it over a couple of times and stands over me until I wake up at the feeling someone's there. I slightly open my eyes and see Sera standing in front of me.

"You love him?" she asks as my eyes slightly open

"Why won't people just let me sleep?"

"And he loves you?"

I push myself up and rub my eyes. "What?"

"He told you that he loves you and you say it back… is that true?"

"Who?"

"Jay!"

"Oh, yeah… then it's true"

"So, you and him are like a couple now?"

"Sort of, yeah… wait, did Kim tell you about this?"

"Well…"

"Urgh!" I sigh and fall back, try and get another 30 minutes of shut eye

"Don't go back to sleep…"

"Why not?"

"Because this is bloody exciting news… although we did have a feeling you two would get together"

"I know… oh man, I have to give Terry $10 now"

"Wait, what?"

"Terry and I had a bet, and I just realized I've lost the bet"

"Oh"

"Well, since no one will let me sleep around here, I'll just get up early today" I say and get up, starting to get ready for the day ahead.

"Vodka and smoke then?"

"Exactly" I smile and roll up a joint with some of my Brownstone and Coke

I get to work and have a pile of paperwork on my desk.

"What the hell?" I say to myself

Rebecca walks in. "I need you to sign some stuff, urgent"

"This stuff?"

"Yes, that stuff, and I need you to carefully read through it"

"Alright, but what's it all for?"

"You'll find out when you read it" she says and leaves

"Thanks" I say in still slight shock, looking at the 4 foot tall pile of paper. I call my assistant.

"Yes, Miss Clarke" she answers

"How many appointments do I have scheduled today?"

"4 scheduled for today"

"Cancel them, find a new day for them"

"All four?"

"Yes, all four… I've already got enough on my plate"

"What if someone who doesn't have an appointment need you?"

"Tell them to make an appointment. Who knows, I might finish earlier than I expect, if I do, I'll tell you to send them in"

"And your visitors?"

"Depends who it is. If it's Joe from yesterday, and I don't think he'll be here today, send him straight in. take their name and number, if it's urgent, and I mean urgent, send them in, in any other situation, give them my office phone number. You got all of that?"

"Yes I do, Miss Clarke. You must have a lot on your plate today without those appointments"

"Oh trust me, I do… it's just some really urgent paperwork that pile is at least 4 foot tall that I have to read through and sign"

"Got it. Good luck"

"Thanks" I finish and hang up. "Oh I need a drink!"

The day goes by slower than ever, head hurts from reading stupid paperwork all day. 3pm comes along and the reading and signing is just about finished. I get a call from Lisa.

"Miss Clarke, you have a visitor. He says it's really urgent and should only take a minute"

"What's his name?"

"Terry"

I just about choke on my drink. "Send him in"

"Okay"

Terry walks in. "Hey sweetcheeks"

"Hey stranger, how you doing?"

"Great, how you doing?"

"Great, I'm working and getting drunk"

"So not much has changed"

"No, not much at all"

"Hey, you owe me"

"For what?"

"Oh come on… Jay made it kind of obvious"

"Obvious about what?"

"Please, you know exactly what I'm talking about"

"Yeah, alright then. It was $10, right?"

"Yes it was"

I get $10 out of my purse and hand it to him.

"So, how'd it happen? You know we had a bet"

"Details on how it happened are still blurry, it just happened. I know we had a bet on, I woke up this morning and was like 'Oh man, I owe Terry $10!'"

"You could've won it"

"Yeah but, he was just there and it happened"

"What happened between you two this morning?"

"What do you mean?"

"I've been told that Jay got off the phone with you and was pretty darn happy"

"Where'd you hear that from?"

"A little bird told me"

"Chris?"

"Yeah, how'd you know?"

"Lucky guess! People really can't keep things to themselves anymore. I remember when Chris was the last to know about Adam and mine engagement thing, and now, Chris is that little bird"

"Yeah, that was fun. So… what happened?"

"Nothing"

"Oh bullshit"

"You really want to know?"

"And you promise not to tell a single soul… including the little bird… about it… heck, let the little bird suffer not knowing & have him find out for himself"

"I promise… just tell me what happened!"

"Okay, we slept together the night before, he had the drive to North Carolina in the morning, like early, I was still asleep when he left, he left me a note, he confessed that he does have extremely strong feelings for me, and I told him the same back over the phone" I sum up

"You got the note?"

"Yeah" I say and pass him the note.

He reads over it. "Oh, so he does love you… and you said it back"

"Basically"

"I swear, Chris puts extra hype behind these things. We all knew he liked you, which he always tried to play down, he still does"

"I know ay"

"Ay, still got a bit of Canada in you. I got to get going, long drive ahead of me to New Jersey"

"Alright, see you soon"

"Bye for now" he says and leaves, $10 richer.

Straight after that, I finish the paperwork & talk to Jay over the phone. (Just a little bit of it!)

"Hey, my next free two days is a month from now" Jay says

"Really, a month?"

"Yeah, a while away"

"I know a way to make it go quick"

"Oh cool. I'll just be working… which will make it go quick"

"Was there a point to the earlier statement?"

"Oh, yeah. Do you want to have a proper first date with me when I get those days off?"

"Of course I do… but I don't see why McDonalds and talking until gone midnight wasn't our first proper date"

"It's a fast food restaurant!"

"Alright smarty pants, we'll have a proper one"

30 minutes later…

"Jay, I got to go, work's done for the day"

"Alright, we'll talk soon"

"Okay, bye"

"Bye… hey Zoe…"

"Yeah"

"Love you"

"Love you too"

"Bye"

"Bye" I finish and hang up. I grab my stuff and head home, just finishing the paperwork on time & telling Rebecca it's done.


	53. Reason For A Check

I get home & it's an empty apartment… no one is here. I wonder if I'm defiantly at my apartment, so I check the number on the door… it's right. Strange for there to be no one here.

"Time to get high" I say to myself and set up in the living room. I turn on the television, a repeat of last week's wrestling is on. Edge & Christian verses the Dudley Boys. I line up some cocaine and heroin on the coffee table that's in front of the sofa. I roll up a piece of paper and use it to snort the drugs. Oh, that feels good.

Looking back on it all now, snorting drugs is one thing I really regret. Fucks up your nose for life… but we'll get to all of that later!

Hours later, high as cloud nine and very drunk I pass out on the sofa with the television on. Sera and Phil walk in on me and see little traces of coke on the coffee table.

"She's a drug addict?" Phil asks, in disgrace

"Yeah, she kind of is" Sera answers, checking that I'm still breathing.

"What you doing?" Phil asks

"Checking she's still there… we've had one scare in the past, so now, we always check she's still breathing when she looks like this"

"You would think that a scare would take her off it for good, right?"

"Yeah, you would… but she can't remember what happened, she just remembers falling asleep and waking up surrounded by doctors"

"Oh, okay then"

"All is good though, she's still alive"

"Hang on… she set us up, I got with you thanks to a drug addict?"

"Basically, yeah"

They head to bed.

Kim comes home about twenty minutes later and checks I'm there, before going to bed.

The rest of the week comes and goes, I buy a secondhand acoustic guitar that's in great condition and go through the basic chords and riffs that I still remember. I love guitars, my dream guitar is a Gibson Traditional Les Paul in Iced Tea. Oh, I've had dreams of owning one of those for years. Then I would go for the Fender guitars, like a Strat and Telecaster. Dream guitars. When I get my own place, like a house, I want to have a room that just has all my music gear, from guitars to memorabilia I've collected over the many, many years to my vinyl records. I love vinyl records, the music is such a rawer sound to the CDs, the records are sketchy and real music, that hasn't been remastered… how music should be.

Sunday comes, I head to the park with the guitar and meet up with Joe. We do the set together and it sounds great. Patrick, who's the pub owner, listens in on a few songs with a big smile on his face. Of course, he's thinking about how much more money he's going to get thanks to us… as he said, a live act always draws customers!

"You start in 5 weeks time, Saturday at 5 o'clock, just before the dinner rush… see you two then" Patrick says after listening for about 15minutes, heading back to his pub.

"Sweet" we say as he leaves

We finish the set and go our separate ways until next Sunday to do this together.


	54. Cops, Drugs and Rock N Roll

The week comes and I receive an intervention. I've lost count of how many I've had by this point. I walk into the house after work on the Wednesday to Sera, Kim, Ashley and Phil, sitting, waiting for me. Kim and Ashley are going out later… first date sort of thing.

"Woah, hey guys… and Phil" I greet as I walk into the living room, wearing dark glasses with a Brownstone joint between my lips and bottle of Jack clenched in my hand.

"We got to talk" Sera starts

"You're drug taking is getting out of hand again" Kim says

"You're going to rehab" Phil tells me

"Oh, really now… ha" I respond and scratch my chin.

"Yes, we don't want another scare" Sera pleads

I turn around and walk back out the door.

"Zoe!" Sera and Kim yell running to the door, watching me slide down the stairs rail.

Phil follows me and I quickly get into my car, start it up and drive away, before he can catch me. "Fucking hell" he screams and kicks his car in anger.

I go speeding down the highway, Brownstone joint on its final puff, Jack Daniels on its final gulp. I don't recommend driving in this condition. About 30 minutes after driving way over any limit, I get pulled over by the cops.

"Ma'am, do you have any idea of the speed you were doing?" he asks

"No officer, I don't do speed. Tried it but never my thing" I answer, looking up at him from my window

"2 times over the speeding limit"

"Oh, speeding limit. No, I lost track of what my car was doing, officer"

"Please step out of the car, ma'am, and bring your driving license with you"

"Yes, officer" I say and reach over to the glove compartment for my driving license and then step out of my car. I hand him my driving license.

He pulls out a breathalyzer. "Have you seen one of these before, Miss Clarke?"

"Yes, officer"

"On the count of three, would you please blow into this tube until I say stop?"  
"Okay"

"1, 2…" he says and holds it up towards my mouth. "3"

I blow into the tube… same old routine.

After about 10 seconds… "And, stop"

I stop. We wait for the result.

"Just as I expected. Please put your hands behind your back, you're being arrested for suspicion of possession of illegal substances, driving while intoxicated and speeding. Anything you say or do can be used against you, so please remain silent" he explains, putting my hands into police cuffs.

"What about my car?" I ask, calmly

"It will be towed to the police holding yard for investigation, please remain silent ma'am"

"Okay then" I finish as he puts me in the back of the cop car.

We arrive at the police station about 1 hour later and I get shoved into the holding cell. I'm able to bring my hand to the front of me so I'm less uncomfortable… not that I'm supposed to be comfortable. Within the next couple of hours, cold turkey hits. Oh, this has to be the worst thing about being an addict. There's screaming, crying, begging, vomiting, hallucinating, shaking, sweating, shitting yourself… it is pure torture! Everything hurts. I slowly and painfully get to sleep at 6 the next morning, still shaking and sweating, covered in vomit. A couple hours later, another officer walks in with my bag of Brownstone that I had in my car.

"Officer James," says the officer with the bag (Officer James is the cop that arrested me), "we've found 5 grams of heroin in the car"

"5 grams?" Officer James asks in shock, checking he's hearing it correctly

I shoot up, hearing about my heroin and run into the holding cell bars. "Gimme!" I yell, looking at the bag, sweating and shaking

"Yes, 5 grams" the officer confirms

"Please, gimme!" I yell again

They look through my records and find this is my first offense (in this country). They talk in private for the next 10 minutes.

"Miss Clarke, as this is your first offense, you are being released on bail for $20,000. Your next offense could mean jail time. We think you've suffered enough for this time round" Officer James states, unlocking the holding cell door. "But you are in no state to drive home" he claims, picking me off the floor by the collar of my shirt

"Okay then" I say, sweating like a pig, being dragged to the cop car outside. I get pushing into the back of the car. "Can I have my drugs now?" I ask

"No ma'am, they are being destroyed"

I bang my head against the door and window… anything I can bang it on, until part of my forehead opens and blood runs down the side of my face, at which point I lose consciousness. Later I find out that I've suffered a concussion.

Hours later, we arrive at my apartment. Officer James knocks on my door and Sera answers it.

"Afternoon ma'am. Do you recognize this person?" Officer James asks her

"Afternoon officer. No I don't" she replies and slams the door

I put my foot out and stop the door from completely closing.

She opens it. "Actually, officer, she does remind me of someone I used to know, but she would actually go to rehab when her friends were worried about her" Sera states.

"Her name is Zoe Clarke. Does she live here or not?" Officer James asks

Sera sighs. "Yes, she does"

He shoves me into the apartment and I hold my wrists up to him. He take the cuffs off my wrists.

"So what was she in for?" Sera asks

"Possession of illegal substances, driving while intoxicated and going 2 times the speed limit. She is released on a $20,000 bail. We also suspect that she's suffered a concussion during the drive from the station"

"$20,000?"

"Yes, ma'am, $20,000"

"She should be able to folk that out"

"Was that cash, cheque or card?" I ask Officer James, holding a bag of frozen peas to my head

"Cash or cheque" he answers

I walk to my room and grab 4 cash bundles, each of $5000 each. I hand them to Officer James. "$20,000!" I tell him and walk back to my room to stop this cold turkey state.

"Please, don't ask why she has that much cash" Sera says and shuts the door.

My car gets pulled in the car park and the keys are put into my letterbox.

Sera walks into my room, where I'm smoking a Brownstone joint. "Zoe!" she yells

"What?" I yell back

"Rehab, now!" she yells, taking my joint out of my mouth and destroying it

I look at her, still holding the frozen peas to my forehead. "Fine!" I yell back and get up.

She looks at me in shock, grabbing a bag they've already packed for me. "So you'll go?" she asks me, still in shock

"Yeah… at least when cold turkey hits me there, there will be people who know what to do"

"Oh, okay then"

We head out the door and into the car. She grabs the keys from the letterbox and she drives me to a rehab center, where they've already booked me in for a 1 month stay.

"We finally got her" Sera says as we walk in

"Good, I'll notify her work boss"

"Could you also notify this guy? His name is Joe, we meet up every Sunday to play music, busking so to speak. We've got a gig in 5 weeks" I explain and hand the administration person a piece of paper with his number on it.

"Sure" she replies, taking the piece of paper

Another staff member takes me to my room. I look back as she's about to take me and look at Sera.

"This isn't over!" I tell her, before being dragged to my room. As I've said before, you never check yourself into rehab unless you see _the_ light. I still haven't seen it, I'm being forced into it again.


	55. Rehab Part 1

My room in rehab is just white. White bed, white toilet, white basin, white walls, white door, white ceiling, white everything. Not much has changed, rehab, it's all the same. I decide to lie on the bed before cold turkey kicks in again. A couple hours later, it all starts up again. It feels even worse than last time. How can that be? Let's get through this.

The first week and a bit all rolls into one long agonizing day. I didn't step out of my room. I laid on the white bed, sat in the white corner, banged against the white wall, vomited in the white toilet… shaking, screaming, sweating, scratching, hallucinating in all the places. I didn't know that a week pasted until I got a visitor the next Sunday. It was Joe. Why is it Joe? Why isn't it one of my best friends that I've known for years? He arrives with two acoustic guitars. By now, the vomiting and hallucinating has died down to what it was at the start. The sweating and shaking are still dominating.

"Well, we need to practice for our gig" he says as he enters the visitor room and sits on the table, opposite me.

"I guess we do"

He hands me one of the guitars and I stop shaking. Miracle. We do half a set including Patience, Home Sweet Home, Happy, Highway To Hell, and Bow River. We drew a small crowd who clapped at the end of every song. We only done half a set because of the amount of time visitors are allowed. He leaves, taking the guitar. Within half an hour, I'm shaking intensively again. The staffs are confused as to what just happened to the shaking. I was shaking before I had the guitar, stop completely during the time where I had the guitar, and then started up again.

Meanwhile, back at home, the couples are getting closer. It's weird… people get closer when I go to rehab. Is it because I'm not there?! Nah, can't be… I'm too great for that reason! HA! Anyways, they go on a double date to a fancy restaurant, it has to be the fanciest in the state of Tennessee. All is good until John, Kim's ex, walks into the same restaurant with his own date. I'm sorry, but there is zero doubt that they still 'secretly' have feelings for each other. John and his date are seated at the table next to the double dating group. It just blows up. It's also quite obvious John is just trying to make Kim jealous, fake laughing at his date's jokes and stories. So fake. Later that evening, Phil pulls John aside (to the men's toilets).

"What the hell are you doing man?" Phil angrily asks John

"What do you mean? I'm on a date"

"What's her name?"

"Jessica… Jane… Joanne… it started with a J"

"Why are you really here?"

"Help me, Phil. Help me get Kim back. I miss her"

"Well, trying to make her jealous by laughing at your date's stories, that aren't even funny, isn't going to work. Anyways, Kim likes Ashley, Ashley likes Kim… if it wasn't for you, they wouldn't have met in the first place"

"Guess you're right"

They both head back to their tables, acting like nothing has happened.

Everyone finishes their date, John says bye to everyone, including Kim, before leaving.


	56. Rehab Part 2

The second week of rehab hits and the worst part of the detox is over, the staff members take me to another room so they can clean up my room. They put me into a strait jacket, claiming it's to stop the shaking. Yeah right, they just think I'm crazy.

"When your friend Joe came in and you played the acoustic guitar, something we've never seen before happened to you. We want to see if it works with other instruments, so we decided to create a music room, see how people's bodies react to playing music during rehab" one of the staff members explain to me, leading me to a room.

They open the door of the 'music room' and my face lights up, seeing guitars of all sorts, microphones, drums, pianos and keyboards in this HUGE white room. They take the strait jacket off me and shove me into the room, I'm still shaking.

I'm instantly drawn to a Telecaster in open G tuning (Telecaster with 5 strings, where the lowest string had been removed). I pick it up, put it on (strap over me), grab a guitar pick and start to play (I Can't Get No) Satisfaction by The Rolling Stones. My shaking stops. I walk towards one of the microphones and begin to sing the song. I do the whole song before moving onto one of the drum sets. BOM-BOM-BAH BOM-BOM-BAH I play and start yelling the lyrics to Queen's We Will Rock You, the only whole song I know on the drums. I begin to think that I must have died last night and gone to heaven, no way would this be happening while in rehab, not a chance. I don't think I've ever felt this good before, at least of what I can remember. I decide to not leave the room for the next few days, not even to sleep in my white bed. I sleep on the floor of the music room with a guitar in my grasp. So much more comfortable than the white bed anyway!

Visitors day comes along and a member of the staff come to get me.

"Miss Clarke?" the member asks, opening the door to my white room and finding I'm not there. "Miss Clarke, where are you?" the member asks again, starting to panic.

"She's still in the music room, she hasn't come out of there" another member tells the panicking member

"Oh" the staff member says and calms down, before getting me from the music room. She walks in on me playing Smoke On The Water by Deep Purple on a Tribute Les Paul guitar. "Miss Clarke, your visitor is here"

"Joe? Oh cool" I say and put the Les Paul guitar back onto its stand. I pick up one of the acoustic guitars before heading to the visitors room.

"Hey Zoe, you're looking well" Joe greets

"Hi Joe, I am well, I think. You're looking well too" I greet back

"I am well, thanks. You ready to practice?"

"More ready than ever"

"Great"

We begin to play, going through the other half of the set, which included Every Rose Has It's Thorn, Love Bites, Unwell, Bad Medicine, and We Will Rock You. We draw a bigger crowd than last week who all clap.

Joe says bye until next week. The staff gives me some food and water, which I take into the music room.

The next week comes and goes, my sweating from the detox has stopped and I haven't noticed any shaking. Joe visits again and we go through the first half of the set. Just been hanging in the music room and meeting the various stereotypes that this rehab place is homing. There are some fucking crazy people here. So many addictions, so much craziness… some of these people should have gone to a mental hospital, not a rehab center. The majority are because of drugs, as in next to all of them. There are a few that are for sex addiction though, they walk around with a big tag on their shirt that says "Sex Addict, Is Not To Come In Contact With Anyone". One more week to go.


	57. Rehab Part 3

In that last week, an old friend drops by when I'm playing music in the music room.

"Considering you were in a band, we think it might help you too" the staff member tells him then shoves him into the music room.

I'm playing some Rolling Stones on the 5 string Telecaster when he's shoved in. I look up. "Ha" I say and smile before continuing to play. It's my old mate from the hole in the wall in Germany. STEVEN FUCKING ADLER! Who would've thought?

He's sweating like a pig and shaking like a hairless dog. Looks like he's just got past the hallucinating part of the detox, he still looks like he's going to vomit. He looks around and sees one of the drum kits. He tries to smile, but it looks weird from the shaking. He slowly makes his way to the drum kit, grabs the sticks in his hands and starts playing. I put down the Telecaster and pick up one of the Les Pauls. I recognize his drumming as Paradise City and being to play along. His drumming is still good but not as great as it used to be… but I can't say too much, he's better than me, I only know one full song on the drums. We jam for a few songs before he vomits over the floor, behind the drum kit.

"Nice" I say

He looks up at me and smiles. "Don't I know you from somewhere?" he asks, smiling

"Possibly, yeah" I answer

"Oh, okay then" he finishes that subject before starting a new one. "Where you playing Stones when I came in?"

"Yeah, I was. Thanks for noticing" I thank, putting the Les Paul down and picking the Telecaster.

"Play some"

"Okay" I say and begin to play Bitch.

He begins to drum along. We continue to jam together, he vomits between every few song, but you can see it's starting to die down. The worst is nearly over, but I don't see him keeping off the drugs when he gets out of here.

"I like in here, away from the doctors, away from the people" he says, sitting on the drum stool. He hasn't vomited in the past hour, he's starting to look a bit normal now.

"I know, it's why I'm always in here. Just get to play music, make it your own kind of recovery" I respond, sitting at the piano, pressing a few keys

"Yeah. Wait, I know where I know you from… Germany"

"Nice to know you remember"

"So, how are you pussy?"

I laugh slightly. "I'm alright, getting better, out of here in less than a week. How are you dick?"

"Hurting" he says before vomiting again

"You'll get there"

We talk and slowly fall asleep in the room. He continues to shake and sweat, vomit every few hours. He lays near the drums on the floor and I sleep on the piano bench.

We are both woken by a knock at the door and a staff member walking in. She coughs from the smell of Steven's vomit piles before cleaning it all up. He vomits again while she's cleaning it up and he laughs. I sit up on the piano bench and play the first song that comes to mind on the piano, Four Walls. I love Cold Chisel, all-time favorite Australian band, Jimmy Barnes is awesome! AC/DC Bon Scott era is my second favorite… yeah, not a fan of Brian Johnson.

We get some food down us, although half of it comes back up. Not nice food to say the least. It's Sunday, which means visitors day. Joe comes in and we play a few songs for a small crowd. Steven watched a few songs before heading to his room to try and get through the rest of his detox, trying to stop the vomiting… seriously, it is not a nice feeling… now, the detox is why I would not recommend taking any sort of drugs, the high is not worth the pain of coming down, but that's now, not then.

Joe goes home and I head to my room to prepare for the last 2 days of rehab.

The last two days are always the quickest, always. I hang with the stereotypes for my second last day. I spend my last day in the music room with Steven, playing Guns N Roses songs as well as some Rolling Stones. I hope he does get better, I really do, he's a bag of laughs when he's not getting high all the time, but I don't see him getting off them for good any time soon. Maybe some years down the track but not yet, no, not yet. A staff member comes to collect me from the music room so I can check out.

"Miss Clarke, we're ready for you to check out now" she tells me once we finish playing Night Train.

"Oh, okay then" I say and put the guitar down

"Wait, you're leaving?" Steven yells

"Everybody has to leave at some point" I tell him

"One more song?"

I look at the staff member and she nods. "5 minutes" she says and leaves

"Paradise?"

"Paradise!" I respond with a smile and pick the Les Paul guitar back up

He cuts me in. "1, 2, 1, 2, 3, 4" he says, tapping the drum sticks

I play the starting riff and he comes in with the drums. We both start yelling the lyrics. The staff member comes in when we still got a minute left of the song and watches.

"Miss Clarke, it's time"

"Alright"

"You can take two guitars with you, you'll need them" she says

I smile and take the Les Paul guitar that I've been playing and the 5-string Telecaster. "Bye Stevie, see you around" I say and leave

"Bye…" he says… "Thank you Tennessee and good night!" he screams, re-living his dreams

I laugh and check out. Sera left my car here, obviously knowing I'll need it to get back. She must have got a cab or something.

I head room with my guitars in the backseat. I begin to wonder, why did they give me two guitars? Oh well, who cares… I have two electric guitars now! HA! I heard a few days later that Steven had checked himself out early by just walking out and was back on the drugs. He'll get there in the end, just not yet I guess.


	58. Now I'm Back

I get home late Tuesday night and crash on the sofa for the whole night. Kim wakes up at 9 the next morning and sees me on the sofa, completely out cold.

"Zoe!" she yells into my ear

I shoot up. "What? What? What?" I ask looking around, eyes wide open

"Where you been?"

"What do you mean 'where you been'? You lot sent me to the place in the first place" I ask, hitting my head on the soft cushion again

"Oh, so you did go to rehab. I thought you were in jail or something"

"I was for a night. Came back here, Sarah put me back into my car and drove me off to rehab"

"When was your last drink?"

"A month ago, just before I was arrested"

"Really?"

"That was a month ago, right? Cop said I might have suffered a concussion, I've still got some dry blood on my forehead from it"

"The, what was supposed to be an intervention, was a month ago"

"Then it was a month ago"

"So you haven't had an alcoholic drink in a month"

"Nope, I'm craving one though"

"You're not having one"

"But I want one, just one, a bottle of Jack"

"Which has over 4% alcohol, no way. You are not having any Jack Daniels"

"Jim then?"

"Nope"

"Some rum?"

"You have rum?"

"I don't know, I hope so"

"You're not having any alcohol, that's final"

I sit up and look over at her. "Why not? You know I love my alcohol more than anything, it's my drink of choice"

"No alcohol"

"Do you have any idea of how much you sound like my parents? It's quite fucking scary"

"You're still not having an alcohol"

"How about some Night Train?"

"No! Defiantly no Night Train"

"Urgh!" I sigh and head to the toilet/bathroom

"We found your bottle of Night Train in there"

I come out a couple minutes later. "I know, I looked before I took a piss" I answer and open the fridge, seeing lots of Pepsi and not much else to drink.

"Oh Jay called last week"

"And…"

"Told him you were out and forgot you're cell phone"

"Okay then, anything else?"

"His day off is Thursday this week, so you guys are going out then"

"Okay"

"Oh, there is zero alcohol in this apartment now"

"Why? It's my apartment and it's my alcohol, what'd you do with it all?"

"Down the sink, rubbish in the bin"

"Oh…" I finish and head to my bedroom, looking to see if my alcohol stash was empty (a good alcoholic always has a stash hidden away)

Sera gets up and sees my car outside in the parking lot. "She back then?"

"Yes she is"

"And…"  
"She seems better, claims she hasn't had any alcohol in the past month"

"Wow, I don't believe that"

"Hence using the word, claims"

"YES! Come to mamma!" I scream in excitement, finding they haven't got rid of ALL the alcohol in the apartment. I open a fresh bottle of rum and taking a swig. I walk out of my room and to the living area where Kim and Sera are. "Now I'm back" I announce to them. "Oh, and yes, I do have rum" I add with a smile before sitting down on the sofa.

"Where'd you get that?" Sera asks in disgust

"A good alcoholic always has some rum hidden away, always" I answer, taking another swig

"So you admit you're an alcoholic?"

"Yes… and I'm kind of happy about it"

They both roll their eyes at me before Phil enters.

"What's that?" he asks me, pointing at the bottle in my hand

"Cough syrup, in the flavor of rum" I answer

"I thought we got rid of it all" he says to Kim and Sera

"Well, obviously not" Kim responds, flicking through the channels on the telly


	59. 48 hours

Later, I head out on the town to do some shopping for food as I haven't had any good food in a month. Before I enter the shopping center, I stop my old drug dealer, Bob, on the corner. We nod to each other and walk up to each other.

"Got a new shipment from Germany in" he starts

"Really? What kind?"

"Number 69"

"69 ay? I remember number 69, quickest hit I've had in my life"

"Yeah, it's really good stuff"

"I know… I… really shouldn't though, just got out of rehab… how much for a gram?" I ask

"$5"

"If I have… no, I really, really shouldn't, seriously"

"I know, I'll be here with it if you change your mind"

"Thanks" I finish and start my shopping

I come out of the shops about 30 minutes later and he's still there. We nod at each other again and I motion him to walk with me. We get to my car and I put my shopping into the car's trunk.

"So, changed your mind on the 69?"

"1 gram and that's it" I answer back and look around, having the feeling of being watched. I see Kim's car parked about 100 yards away, with Kim and Sera inside it, with a pair of binoculars. I give them the middle finger to them before making the deal with Bob.

"See you soon" he says and leaves

"Let's not hope" I finish and start to drive.

I know Sera and Kim would try to follow me so I take a load to back streets to lose them.

"Where'd she go?" Sera asks, confused in the passenger's seat

"I don't know" Kim replies and parks on the curve, trying to figure out where I went.

I go around the block and find where they stopped. I park my car on a curve of the crossroads behind them. I walk up to their car from behind with a bottle on rum in my hand and jump on the trunk roof.

They look around, feeling the car jump.

"Have you two lost all trust in me that you have to spy on me?" I ask them, swigging on the rum

"Yes" Sera answers

"No, of course not" Kim answers

I shake my head and take another gulp of my rum. "My two best friends, best friends for years, don't trust me anymore. How can there be any friendship without trust? There can't be, there just can't be. It's that simple. If you don't trust me, you have 48 hours to get out of my apartment. If you do trust me, then you can stay. I can't have someone that doesn't trust me living in my apartment. 48 hours from now" I state before jumping off their car and heading back to mine. I drive home, as do they.

"48 hours?" Sera screams at me

"Well, it's actually 47, it's been an hour"

"But…"

"If you trust me, it shouldn't be a problem"

"But… I live here"

"Look, I know you lot have your suspicions about me & what I do in my spare time, everyone does, and rightly so… especially since I've just come out of rehab and am more than likely going to go back many more times in my life…but still, friendship is built on trust and that's the only thing I expect"

"Okay… one question… who was that guy you were talking to today?"

"Bob, my mate, Bob"

"I want an honest answer"

"Okay, his name is Bob, he is my mate… and my old drug dealer… he was telling me about a new shipment of heroin from Germany… and Germany knows it shit, it's beautiful"

"Did you get any?"

"You said one question… you've used that one question"

"Zoe, I need to know"

"Why do you need to know? You don't use it"

"But you do? Are you still using?"

"Sera, you've used up your one question, you could have asked for more, but you didn't… you now have 46 hours and 50 minutes… I'm saying you because I know you've never really trusted me"

"Where am I supposed to go?"

"Bug someone else with your questions" I tell her before finishing my bottle of rum


	60. Apartment To Ourselves

The next morning, while I'm mixing myself a drink… a Nuclear Waste… Sera comes out of her room.

"I'm moving out" she announces

"Where you going?" Kim asks

"I'm moving in with Phil, we talked last night and yeah" Sera answers

"Knew it" I say, swigging on my drink

"When?" Kim asks

"Tomorrow" Sera answers, smiling

"Knew it" I say again

"Why?" Kim asks

"Because I love Phil…" Sera smiles

"And…" I add

"And… because I find it hard to trust you when you're on drugs, and you're having a fucking alcoholic drink at 7 in the morning"

"At least it's not just alcohol, there are juices in this too"

"But it still has alcohol"

"Oh come on… you against alcohol now? What has that boy done to you?"

"He's helped me see the light, that I don't need alcohol to have fun, life is more fun when you're sober"

"Oh please!"

"Guys, stop it!" Kim yells

"What about you? You leaving or staying?" I ask Kim

"I'm staying" Kim answers and smiles

"Nice to know that someone around here trusts me"

"Kim, are you sure?" Sera asks

"Yes I am sure. I still have my suspicions…"

"Everybody does" I say and laugh slightly

"Look, I'm staying. You're my friend, trust you… and someone has to make sure you don't die from something like alcohol poisoning" Kim explains

"Thank you"

"I'm going to go pack then" Sera says and walks to her room

"I'm going to get a shower" Kim states and heads to the bathroom

"Wait, Kim… did Jay say what time he's going to be here?" I ask her

"No, he didn't"

"Okay then"

There's a knock at the door and I answer it. Jay's on the other side.

"Oh, hey" I say

"You ready?" he asks

"Does it look like I'm ready?"

"No, not exactly"

"Come in"

He comes in and shuts the door behind him.

"So what's the plan for today?" I ask him as I make myself another drink, waiting for Kim to get out of the shower

"It's a surprise"

"I don't like surprises" I tell him

"You'll like this one"

"How do you know?"

"I just do"

"Okay then"

A few minutes later, Kim finishes in the bathroom. "All yours" she says as she walks past and into her room, not noticing that Jay's there as she walked past

"Thanks" I respond

"You going to get your shower now?" he asks me

"Yeah, guess so" I respond. "I'll be out in about 5 minutes, so just relax" I tell him and head to the bathroom.

"Sure"

5 or so minutes later, I step out of the bathroom (after my shower & cleaning my teeth) and walk to my room to get dressed. "You've already surprised me" I tell Jay as I walk past him, who's sitting on the sofa.

"How so?"

"You didn't join me"

"Was I supposed to?"

"No, but still, most do" I answer and start getting dressed

A few minutes later…

"You ready yet?" he asks, standing outside my bedroom door

"Nearly, trying to choose which top to wear" I answer back

He opens the door. "Need a hand?"

I look at him. "Which one should I wear?" I ask, pointing at the tops I've laid out on the bed

"That one" he says, pointing at one of the only tops that isn't a band top

"Okay" I say and put that top on

We leave in his car.

He takes me to brunch at a diner, share popcorn at the movies, watching a romantic-comedy and a thriller, before a picnic dinner watching the sun set. He drives me home and we head up to my apartment. He holds me close as I unlock the front door and we go inside. We walk around and soon realize that we have the whole apartment to ourselves for the night. Kim's out with Ashley, so it looks they are doing great together.

I find a note taped to Sera's bedroom door. "Hey guys, Phil came and picked me up early, so moving out sooner than expected. He lives up in Chicago, so this will give me a whole day to settle in instead of getting there at night, having to settle in then. Didn't get a chance to thank you Zoe for setting me up with Phil, I'm very happy with him and hope for a long future with him, so thanks. I'll call you once I get there and begin to settle in, hope to see you soon. Thanks and bye – Sera"

"Oh" I say to myself once I've read the note and put it back onto the door for Kim to see.

"Everything okay?" Jay asks, wrapping his arms around me from the back

"Yeah, everything is good"

"You sure?"

"Yeah, I'm sure"

We head to the lounge and watch a repeat of this week's wrestling, including his match. We sip on some red wine and have sex on the sofa. We fall asleep together on the sofa with a few items of clothing on, basically so Kim doesn't walk into two naked bodies on the sofa. You're welcome Kim. HA! When Kim gets home, she goes straight to her room without taking a glance.


	61. Perfectly Comfortable

The next morning, Jay wakes up to a feeling of being stared at. He opens his eyes and sees Kim standing right next to us, waiting for me to wake up.

"Morning" he greets, eyes half shut and stretching his arms

"Morning, looks like you two had a good day and night" Kim greets back

"Yes we did"

"Can you wake Zoe up slightly?"

"Why? Perfectly comfortable right now, why would I want to disturb it?"

"I need to talk to her, urgently, please"

"Fine" he says and nudges me slightly.

I moan slightly. "What?" I ask, still asleep

"Wake up" Jay tells me

"Why? I'm comfortable"

"I know, you're friend wants to talk to you"

"If they were my friend, they wouldn't disturb me when I'm comfortable"

"Zoe, did you see the note Sera left?" Kim asks me, realizing I'm slightly awake now

"Yeah, why?" I answer, opening my eyes slightly to look at her

"She's left and didn't even say bye"

"Yeah she did, in the note thing" I say and smile

"You know what I mean"

"I know, can we talk about it later? I'm still busy"

"Doing what?"

"Sleeping on a very sexy man before he has to leave, now go"

Kim leaves.

"Love you too" Jay says, kisses me on my forehead before we both go back to sleep.

A couple hours past and Jay's alarm goes off. He turns it off and nudges me.

"What?" I moan

"I got to go" he says

"Where?"

"I got to start driving or I'll be late"

"Why don't you just get a plane?"

"Driving is more fun than flying"

"Do you have to go?"

"Yeah, I do"

"Why? Call in sick or something"

"And say what?"

"Diarrhea"

"That won't get me out of working tonight's event"

"Contagious diarrhea"

"Won't work"

"Then say the truth"

"Which is?"

"That I'm not getting up so nor can you"

"That won't work either"

"What will work then?"

"A doctor's note"

"Can't help you there"

"Exactly, now I'm behind schedule, I have to go to work"

"Fine" I accept and sit up

He sits up and we kiss. He then grabs his clothes and kisses me again.

"Love you" I tell him as he goes to open the door

"Love you too, see you soon, okay?"

"Okay"

He smiles and winks before leaving.


	62. Truth Comes Out

Kim walks in. "It's so different seeing you in love, it's weird"

"Yeah, it is weird" I say

"You want a drink?"

"Yeah, I do" I answer

"Nuclear Waste?"

"Yes" I say smiling at her

She makes me one with a double shot, just how I like it.

"So, how are things?" I ask her as she hands me my drink

"Fine"

"Just fine?"

"Depends what we're talking about… some things are great, some not so great"

"How are you and Ashley going?"

"Great, although…"

"Although what?"

"First kiss wasn't all that great"

"So you've kissed?"

"Yeah, but it didn't…"

"Feel right? Live up to expectations?"

"The second thing you said"

"Okay… so it didn't live up to your expectations"

"No… after the kiss, she didn't smile like she usually does, I feel like, it didn't live up to her expectations"

"Oh, so she's the one with high standards!" I say, smiling and then drinking down the glass of nuclear waste.

"I put a double shot in that"

"I know, thank you… just how I like it… don't go off topic, continue"

"Where was I at?"

"You said that you feel as you're not living up to her expectations and I said that she's the one with high standards… continue"

"Will she go and find someone else that does live up to her expectations if I don't?"

"Maybe, I can't guarantee anything on her part, I don't even know her, you know"

"Yeah, I get that… I don't want her to find someone else. Zoe, what do I do now?"

"Kiss again and ask her how she felt about it afterwards. You're probably worrying over nothing. Just don't make it more awkward because of what you got in your head about her having high standards, even though, I know you probably will. You need to clear your mind"

She smiles. "Thanks. So, how are things?"

"Fine. Wait, what day is it?"

"Friday"

"Then yeah, I'm good, things are good"

"What if it was a different day?"

"If it was Sunday, then it might have been a different answer, all depending on what happens Saturday"

"Why?"

"First pub gig on Saturday, 5pm, with Joe"

"Oh, right, yeah"

"You going to come down to see it?"

"Of course I am. Hey, who was that guy you were talking to the other day outside the shops? Was that Joe?"

"No, that wasn't Joe. That was Bob, he was my drug dealer"

"Did you get any?"

"Honestly?"

"Yes, honestly"

"Yeah I did, I got one gram of Germany Brownstone known as Number 69. I've still got it, haven't used any of it"

"Why'd you get it? You just came out of rehab"

"I know, I know… I got it because Germany Brownstone is the greatest Brownstone I've had in my life… and you know I've had a lot of Brownstone in my life already! Germany knows it shit. I'm not going to pass up having a gram of Number 69. It's in case I get another craving, but heck, so far I haven't"

"I hope you don't get a craving for it. Did you get anything else from him?"

"No"

"Good"

I smile. "Anything else?"

"You and Jay seem to be going pretty quick"

"Really?"

"Yeah, you've been on one date and have already had sex"

I laugh slightly. "Oh, we've been at it since before you and Sera got here"

"What?"

"At least we think we have. We got so drunk that night"

"Explain…"

"Before you guys got here, WWF had a live event in Memphis, I got a ringside ticket for the show, expecting to see match of Edge & Christian verses the Hardys. Edge came down with a really bad illness, he couldn't do events for the next week. It ended up being Christian verses Jeff at the events. We met up after the event, drove him to the hotel, he invited me up to party a bit, we got drunk and ended up waking up next to each other completely naked"

"Did you meet the other wrestlers?"

"Most of them, not all of them. I can't really remember much of it though, very drunk. I met Jeff which was awesome, I do remember that"

"Awesome"

"Yeah, it was"

"Any other times?"

"Second night he crashed here, we both know we did"

"How about the first night he crashed here?"

"No, we didn't do it then"

"Okay then"

"Anything else?"

"Not right now, no"

"Didn't you want to talk about Sera's moving out?"

"I called her earlier on the phone, so it's all good now"

"Good, good"

"Yeah"

"Why'd you say 48 hours anyway?"

"Easier to countdown than the number I had in my head"

"69?"

"Yep, 69"

"Hey, I'm going to need you to leave a bit later"

"Why?"

"I got Ashley coming over"

"With her again, good. Don't worry, I'll make myself disappear for a few hours"

"Thanks"

I smile at her and head to the bathroom to get washed.

Hours later, I leave to get drunk on my park bench so Kim and Ashley can be alone. I take my acoustic guitar with me to practice some riffs and chords, ready for tomorrows pub gig with Joe. I hope that goes well, I really, really do. It'll be like the light at the end of a tunnel, finally doing something fun with my life. Yeah, believe it or not, drugs don't make your life fun! No fun at all. At first, maybe, but not in the long run… once you're addicted, say bye to the fun. Who knows, maybe something big will come from this pub gig, quit our jobs & do music as a living, it might happen one day… yeah, and monkeys will fly out my butt!


	63. Slept On The Bench

Saturday comes along and I wake up on the park bench. Must have been a nice night, I wouldn't let myself fall asleep or pass out on a park bench if it wasn't! I grab my guitar and find 7 $1 notes underneath the string on the neck of the guitar. I look around and see that people are already starting their day, many doing their shopping. The town clock reads 11 o'clock.

"Oh shit" I say to myself, trying to figure out the amount of hours I've been on the bench. It's over 12 hours, I know that much. I get up and stretch, waking myself up. I instantly have a craving for alcohol. I head to the nearest liquor store and purchase a bottle of Night Train and rum with the money off my guitar. "Oh that's better" I say to myself after having a swig of rum. Love my rum!

An hour later I head back to my apartment. I walk in and Kim is pacing up and down.

"Oh thank God you're here" she says as soon as I close the door

"What's happened?"

"Okay, so I asked her how she felt after a kiss yesterday"

"Who?"

"Ashley"

"Oh right, yeah… and…"

"She said it didn't feel right" Kim says and sits down on the sofa

"Did she say why?" I ask, making myself a nuclear waste

"No"

"Did you ask her why?'

"Yeah"

"And… what happened?"

"She walked out"

"Oh"

"We broke up" she says and quietly sobs

"Oh, breathe Kim. So it didn't work out, you're strong, you're better than her…"

"Oh shut up! After she walked out, I did something"

"Good something or bad something?"

"I needed to talk to someone, and you left your phone here and Sera's was off"

"So, who'd you call?"

She clears her throat. "John"

"John?"

"Yeah, I called him"

"Well, then what happened?"

"I just broke down to him and he listened"

"Oh Kim… you're not?"

"I am"

"Oh, really?"

"Yeah, he coming here, and now I regret it all"

"Oh, not all of it"

"All of it" she yells

"Okay, all of it! When's he getting here?"

"Later on tonight"

"Tonight?"

"Yes tonight"

"Oh man! Do you really want to get back with him?"

"Well… I don't know"

I open a bottle of Jack Daniels and take a gulp of it. "That's better. Look do you know what time he's getting here?"

"Around 6 o'clock"

"Good. Tell him to meet you at the pub I'm playing at tonight. At least then, I can keep an eye on you two"

She picks up a business card on the table of the pub I'm playing at. "This one?"

"Yeah, that one"

"Okay?"

"Yeah, okay"

"Cool. I got to get ready"

"Yeah. Hey, where did you sleep last night?"

"Park bench" I answer, smiling at her before heading to the shower to get washed.


	64. Gig Number 1

Half past four comes along and I head down to the pub with my acoustic guitar to meet up with Joe before our set. We sit at the little stage area been set up for the small live acts and tune the guitars ready for the act. Five o'clock comes and we begin our set starting with Every Rose Has Its Thorn. We go on to play a 3 hour set (including the break we had to eat. Kim comes in at about half past five and watching the whole thing from then. She's joined by John about an hour later, just we are about to take our break in the set to eat.

"Hey guys" I greet as I walk to their table

"Hey Zoe, great set" Kim says back

"Oh we're not finished yet, just taking a break to eat"

"Oh"

"So how are you John?" I ask

"Umm, good, I'm trying out for the big leagues"

"Wrestling right?"

"Yeah"

"Cool, cool…" I say and look at my table, seeing that food has just came out. "Oh food!" I say and go to eat

"Okay…"

"I'm glad you called" John tells Kim

"Really?"

"Yeah, I am"

"Oh"

"So, what happened? You seemed happy"

"I was, but it just didn't work out, you know"

…

Meanwhile…

"Not bad wedges" Joe says as we eat our order of wedges

"No, not at all, ay" I respond

"I think the first bit went down well"

"Yeah, although we had a better crowd at the rehab center"

"Yeah, but here, people are eating"

"True that and we're getting a good meal and drink here"

"And some cash"

"Yes we are!" I say and laugh slightly

We finish our wedges, drinks and start the rest of our set, starting up again with Its Only Rock & Roll (But I Like It). Love doing Rolling Stones songs, Keith and Jagger are gods!

We finish about an hour later with Someday I'll be Saturday Night, a Bon Jovi song. We get some claps from people who are either staying there for some more drinks or waiting on their meal. It's nice to get some claps. Kim decided to drink the night away with John… seriously, I lost count on how many drinks they ordered in that hour, haven't seen her like this in years. Joe and I stay for a few drinks before he heads off after collecting his money for the night. I decide to see how Kim and John are doing, but am stopped in my tracks seeing them kissing.

"Oh… well… guess they're good" I say to myself and order another drink

I leave a few hours later with tonight's money, seeing that both John and Kim have left.

"Oh, I hope they didn't go together" I say to myself, getting into my car to drive home.

I get home and crash on the sofa for the night.


	65. Get Back In There!

The morning comes and I hear the front door open behind me.

"Freeze" I say and point towards the door. I sit up and see John trying to sneak out. "Really John? Are you really going to be that sort of guy? Really?"

"No"

"Get back in there!"

He walks back into the bedroom and cuddles up next to Kim. Kim lets out a little smile. Told you there was zero doubt that they still like each other. Oh, Joe isn't busking today and we aren't booked for a pub gig until next week… it's nothing to do Sunday!

A couple hours later, Kim comes out.

"You were supposed to keep an eye on us" she yells at me

"Well good morning to you too! I was coming over after I had a few, but you guys were kissing… I'm sorry but I wasn't going to stop that"

"But still…"

"Look, it's kind of obvious you still like him, it's obvious to everyone"

"It is not"

"Yes it is, I deal with this sort of stuff as a living, it is so fucking obvious you still like him, no matter how much you deny it"

"I just…"

"Really like him, I know" I finish her sentence and laugh slightly

"What's all the fuss about?" John asks as he comes out

"Nothing" Kim answers, biting her bottom lip

"Oh come on! That wasn't obvious? Oh please!" I tell Kim and laugh

"What wasn't obvious?" John asks

"Nothing!" Kim claims before giving me an evil stare and heading to the bathroom

"Hey, Zoe…"

"Yeah"

"Thanks" he says and smiles

"For what?"

"This morning. I know I would've regretted it if I did leave then"

"Oh, that. No problem"

"No, seriously, I really like her and I want it to work this time round"

"I know, and seriously, it was nothing"

"Still, thanks" he finishes and smiles again. "Hey, Kim. I got an event I have to do this afternoon in New York, so I got to leave now, okay?" he yells out

"Okay" she yells back

"See you soon" he yells and leaves out the front door

"Bye" she finishes, coming out of the bathroom. "Oh, he's gone"

"Why won't you just admit it?" I ask her

"Admit what?"

"Admit you have feelings for him, and I know he has very strong feelings for you"

"How do you know?"

"He just told me. He said, and I quote, 'I really like her and I want it to work this time round'"

"He said that?"

"Yes, that was an exact quote, from less than 2 minutes ago"

"Oh"

"Oh?"

"Yeah, oh!"

A few hours later, around midday, I get a call from Joe.

"Hello" I answer

"Hey, it's Joe, how quick can you get to the pub?"

"Uhh… without speeding, 20 minutes… why?"

"Cool, I just got a call from Patrick, he wants us to play a gig for the lunchtime shift"

"So what time?"

"Half past 12"

"Alright, I'll head there now"

"Sweet, see you there"

I hang up the phone and grab my acoustic guitar. "Kim, I got another gig, like in less than half an hour, I'll be back… whenever!" I yell out and start to leave

"Okay, good luck, bye" she yells back as I close the door behind me


	66. Gig 2

15 minutes later, I get to the pub and meet up with Joe and Patrick.

"Good, you're both here" Patrick says

"Yes we are" I smile

"People loved you guys last night, let's see if the Sunday lunchtime customers are the same" Patrick says.

We walk inside and set up. We begin our set with Falling In Love (Is Hard On The Knees) by Aerosmith and end up playing a 3 hour set, not including the time we stopped for a quick bite to eat. We finished it with Blaze Of Glory by Jon Bon Jovi. We got quite a bit of claps and I notice Patrick smile at the corner of my eye. I have a feeling we're going to be doing this every weekend.

We have a laugh and a few drinks. Patrick brings over his son.

"Mark, I'd like you to meet the act, Joe and Zoe. Mark going to be taking over the place when I retire" Patrick introduces

"Oh, so it's a family pub, cool" I say, drinking my pint of beer

"Yes, got it from my father" Patrick says

"Well, nice to meet you Mark" Joe says, extending his arm for a hand shake

"You too, great set"

"Thanks" I say and shake his hand

"Yeah thanks" Joe adds

Patrick goes and serves some people.

"Do you really want to run this place?" I ask

"It's a family business, somebody has to keep it going"

"You got any siblings?"

"Yeah, 2 sisters and a brother"

"What if they were to take it instead of you? What would you want to do in the future?"

"Honestly, I want to play bass guitar for a rock band"

"Why don't you?"

"Because…" Mark says motioning to Patrick

"Oh" Joe and I say and laugh slightly

"Exactly" Mark says and smiles

"So, how old are you?" Joe asks

"22, going on 23"

"Nice" I say and finish my beer.

I head home a couple hours later.

"Where were you?" Kim asks as soon as I open the door

"At the pub, I had another gig, I said I'll be back whenever"

"Whenever doesn't help me"

"Alright, calm down, don't get your panties in a twist. I'm back, ain't I?"

"I guess you are"

"Exactly"

"Was it a good gig?"

"Yeah, it was great. Patrick wants us to play there every weekend"

"Saturday and Sunday?"

"Yeah, ain't it great… his son convinced him to do it… it was just going to be Saturdays"

"At least someone is happy around here"

"What's the matter?"

"I miss her"

"Oh come on, you're with John now… right?"

"Yes, but still…"

"I know"

"Why did I get back with John?"

"Because you were desperate, you thought that being with someone would keep your mind of everything else"

"Well, it isn't working"

"You need a drink"

"No I don't… drinking led me to being with him again"

"So what harm would a bit more do?"

She looks at me with a stare that says "Really?"

"Yeah, don't answer that"

"I thought so"

"I need a drink"

"No you don't, you already smell of alcohol, it's really strong. You smell like the town drunk, nearly worse"

I gasp. "Don't talk about Frank like that. He is doing this town proud… he can drink me under the table… he's an inspiration to drunks everywhere"

"So he's an inspiration to you?"

"Yeah, I wish I could drink as much as he could without falling flat of my face. Frank is awesome"

"Okay then"

"Look, do you want a drink or not?" I ask, holding up a bottle of vodka

"No I don't…"

"Okay then"

"Oh, Jay called"

"Really?"

"Yeah, he's free next Saturday"

"Saturday?"

"Yes, next Saturday"

"Next Saturday?"

"Oh wait, you've got a gig in the pub then don't you"

"Nah really? Of course I bloody do!"

"What you going to do?" she asks and smiles

"I don't know… I'll think of something"

"I'm going to order a pizza"

"Everything except ham and pepperoni!" I yell out to her as she grabs the phone


	67. Back To Work - Disrespect Of A Rock God

Hours past and before I know it, it's Monday. It's back to work Monday. I get to work nothing has changed. Oh, except I've been given appointments with the company doctor. Yes, a company doctor. HA!

"So, Zoe, how are you feeling today?" the 'doctor' asks

"Fine"

"Really? Have you taken any drugs in the past 24 hours?"

"Yeah. I've had alcohol, caffeine, and yeah"

"No others"

"Not that I can remember"

"How much alcohol have you had?"

"In the past 24 hours?"

"Yes"

"Not enough to kill me but more than your average amount, a lot more than your average" I answer and smile

He pulls out a breathalyzer. "Please blow into this when I say"

"I thought only cops were able to have those?"

"No, now please, blow…"

I blow into the breathalyzer.

About 7 seconds later… "And stop"

I stop and sit back in my chair

He waits for the result. "Actually, Zoe, this is enough to kill you"

"Really? How come I'm still alive then?"

"I'm not sure. By this result, you should at least be in a coma from alcohol abuse"

"Oh, I don't abuse alcohol. Alcohol is one of the top 3 loves in my love. I would never abuse it" I say and laugh slightly

"Zoe, if you don't cut back on the alcohol, you will die from it"

"At least I'll die from doing what I love"

"I'm serious"

"I know, I'll cut back"

"How much do you usually drink?"

"Every day, but the amount varies… depends what I have, you know… but what I'm doing is very little compared to what I used to do"

"How are you not dead from all the alcohol in your system?"

"Because my time to die hasn't come yet… we all have a time and place to die. It's like, how can Keith Richards still be alive? It's all because his time hasn't come yet"

"Who?"

"I'm sorry, what?"

"Who's Keith Richards?"

"Get out"

"What?"

"Get out. I'm fucking serious, get out of my office"

"Our session hasn't finished"

"I don't care. Get out of my office. You don't ever say 'who' when Keith Richards is mentioned, not in this office. Now, get out before I call security"

"Okay then" he says and leaves.

I throw an empty bottle of Jim Beam at him as he closes the door. The bottle smashes from the impact of hitting the door. Lisa comes in after hearing the bottle smashing.

"Good to see you back, Miss Clarke" she says standing near the door, looking at the floor so she doesn't step on any glass

"Thanks"

"How are you?"

"Pissed"

"I thought you were in rehab"

"I'm pissed off"

"Why?"

"That so called doctor disrespected one of, if not the, greatest rock musician to step foot on this earth… nobody, and I mean nobody, disrespects Keith Richards, or any rock musician for that matter, in my office"

"He disrespected Keith Richards?"

"Yeah. He said, how can you still be alive with that much alcohol in your system, I said because it isn't my time, that it's like asking how can Keith Richards still be alive, then he said who's Keith Richards. I can't have any of that in my office… everybody has, at least, heard of Keith Richards"

"Very true"

"Lisa, on a different note, who's been taking my clients while I was gone?"

"Amanda has"

"Send her a thank you note or card, will you? Make it look nice"

"Will do"

"Thanks"

"Welcome back"

I smile at her as she leaves and closes the door. "I need a drink"

The day goes by so slow. By 11 in the morning, it feels like I has been there for the whole week. It was at this point I was extremely tempted by the small rock of cocaine in my office draw. I imagine the pain of coming down and decide it's just not worth the small high I would get from the coke. I know that as soon as I have the cocaine, I would begin a crazy craving for heroin. I also know that I don't have any heroin in my office. No, it's just not worth it.


	68. Quick, Small Update

So, now a few months have passed, bits and pieces have changed, others stay the same. Kim and John have split up again… not sure how it happened this time, all I can tell is she doesn't want John in her life again. I don't know what's going to happen with that, who knows? Oh, Kim started her third job here in Tennessee too… she quit the first and was fired from the second… I don't know what she actually does as her job, she doesn't really talk about it, I just know she's got another job.

Joe and I are building a little fan base at the pub. These people are there whenever we are, we asked Patrick and Mark if they are regular customers, they aren't… so we figured they were fans, which is awesome.

Work is the most boring but busiest ever. I hate it. Every day there is just an added day of temptation, especially when I have a small rock of both brownstone and cocaine in my office draw, just waiting to be used. I haven't used any of the ones in there, nor any of my gram of 69. I do remember doing a line or two… maybe three… of cocaine (not the bit in my draw) when I was drinking more than I usually do without it, just to keep me on my feet and not flat on my face. It was so pure, so crisp, so white, it was amazing for the time it lasted. Yes, while it lasted.

Seen Jay a small handful of time, once every few weeks we get together. Easily the sweetest, most romantic man I know. Can't help not to love him.

What else is there? Oh, Sera's settling in great in Chicago, found a job there… don't know what, but still. Her and Phil are still madly in love, which is always a great thing. Nothing else really happened, hence this update.

My days just don't fly by like they used to, it all flew by when I was high. My days feel like weeks and my weeks feel like months. It's those feelings that make me want to be high again, just once more, with the only thing on my mind being where to get my next hit. Things like that took a lot of thought… the where, when, how and what were all about drugs.

I need a drink!


	69. Back With It

Weeks come with further temptation, the high tempting me, work driving me insane without my old doctor, dr feelgood. 69 is sounding good right now, no matter how painful the come down is, this I need to get to the end of the endless day at work. Any heroin is sounding good, I'm desperate, most desperate in my life. Small rock of street heroin in my draw, could be what gets me through. I hate this job, wish I never took it, was much happier working in a pub, I hate this place. Take me away from here, maybe I'll be happy again. Small rock now on my desk, tempting me, staring me down into temptation. Take small piece off the rock, put rest back into the draw, get my rolling paper out, can't find my lighter. Roll the shit in the paper, knock on the door. It's Rebecca

"Just a reminder, I'm here for another 2 weeks" she reminds me, referring to being transferred to the newly established office in Florida.

"Yeah, I know. Do you have a light?" I ask before closing the door behind her, entering my office

She pulls out a lighter from her purse and hands it to me

"Thanks" I thank before sticking my joint between my lips & lighting it up. I hand the lighter back and take a big puff of the joint.

"You going to be fine running this place?" She asks

"Should be"

"So, you are off the drugs now?"

"Yeah, except alcohol and this stuff" I answer, referring to the what looks like a cigarette between my lips

"Good, good"

I feel a chill go up and down my body and I grin. I'm back baby!

"I have to go talk to the others now, now you are sure that your fine with the deal?"

"Yeah, yeah, totally"

She leaves and closes the door.

This high isn't like before, a drug addict is always looking for the feeling of the first high, the first high always felt like the greatest thing to ever happen to you, it was a breath of fresh air, never reached before & never reached again.

My day flys by again, I missed that, especially when I'm here.

The weekend comes, time to play some tunes at the pub. I have a smoke of speedball outside before heading in to play. Forgot how good speedballing feels to me, whether its smoking it or shooting it, it always felt good to me. Nobody knows I'm back on this stuff, I don't plan on telling anyone, never plan in telling them. Nobody plans on that, they just end up finding out, maybe you left your supplies on the table like your spoon, needles, rolling paper or even a couple grains of the drugs that missed the snort. Anything can give it all away.

We play our usual set followed by some food and drinks. This I also love doing... Having a laugh & playing some music, what life's all about, right? If only I could do this all the time, like as a living... Yeah, and if a frog had wings it wouldn't bump it's ass when it hops! Oh, the ifs of life.


	70. Crashing

The next week of work comes & I receive a visit from Chris.

"Miss Clarke, you have a visitor" Lisa informs me

"Send them in"

Chris enters

"Well, why isn't it the little bird?!" I greet and laugh slightly

"Ha ha"

"How you doing Chris?"

"Good, how about you?"

"I'm good"

"Good good"

"None of you really get straight to the point, do you?"

"Who?"

"You, Jay, Adam... Terry gets straight to the point"

"Really?"

"Yeah. Why are you here Chris?"

"Just to see how you been. I've been told by Adam about some of your past"

"What about it?"

"Drugs"

"Oh, that stuff"

"Why don't you tell us about that stuff? Does Jay know?"

"Because it was none of anybody's business, the past is the past. No, he doesn't know, he doesn't need to know"

"Are you doing them now?"

"What kind we talking? Dope, coke, pot, tobacco, alcohol?"

"Any of them"

"Then yeah, I ain't telling you what ones though!"

"You're doing more than one?"

"Yeah" I say and smile

"That's bad Zoe"

"Why are you really here Chris? We could have had this talk on the phone. I've got work to do, I'm taking over this place in just over a week"

"What? What do you mean by taking over this place?"

"My boss is being transferred to the new office in Florida, I'm going to be the new boss here"

"An office in Florida. Were you given a choice to go to that one?"

"Yeah, I was. One of my best friends for countless years is with me here, I've got a steady career, I'm playing music every weekend, I'm good here"

"But we're in Florida, it would be like old times, just without Terry... Wait, music every weekend?"

"I know you guys are there. Yeah, I got an acoustic set every Saturday night and Sunday afternoon. It's great. How's your band stuff going?"

"Great, the band's called Fozzy, got an album out"

"Album, really? Wow"

"Yeah, it's great"

"Sweet"

"You know, it would make it easier for Jay if you were in Florida, and all of us"

"What do you mean by all?"

"I really shouldn't say"

"Oh come on little birdy, spill the beans"

"Jay was thinking of finding a place here so he didn't have to go to Florida to get stuff then come up here to see you"

"Really now? Why would he look for a place?"

"I don't know"

"He should know he's welcome to crash at my place"

"Who else is able to crash at your place?"

"Lots of people"

"Am I able to crash there?"

"Oh, so know we get to the reason of being here"

"Can I? Fozzy were able to get a rehearsal place here"

"Sure, of course you can"

"Thank you"

"The rest of your band got a place to crash?"

"Yeah, well, all except Ryan"

"So, he needs to crash?"

"Yeah, can he crash too at your place? He's really a great guy"

"Sure"

"Thanks"

"Look, you're one of my mates, can crash anytime, just don't turn up expecting it"

"Seriously, thank you"

I smile. I write my address on a piece of paper.

"You got work to do"

"Yeah, I do" I say and hand him the paper.

He leaves and I get back to work.


	71. It's What We Do Best

"You're back on the stuff?" Kim asks as I flip through the mail

"What stuff?"

"What stuff? Oh really, come on, you know what stuff I'm talking about"

"No Kim, what stuff are you talking about?"

"Drugs"

"You know I'm still drinking and smoking"

"The other drugs, you know, the drugs we sent you to rehab for"

"No, why? Got suspicious again?"

"Yes, and Chris said you were doing it"

"Oh, so he found his way here good. Did Ryan get here too?"

"Ryan?"

"His band mate, they're crashing here for a few days, him & Chris"

"Oh yeah, yeah"

"Good, where are they then?"

"Out"

"Ok then, probably band stuff"

"Are you sure you aren't doing any other drugs?"

"Pretty sure, yeah" I answer, stop reading the mail and smile at her

She looks at me with evil, suspicious eyes

"Why don't you believe me?"

"Because you lie"

"We all lie. What makes you think I'm lying now?"

"Because its about your drug habits, I usually find out the truth when there's things on the table after you pass out on the sofa"

I laugh slightly. "Those were the times, the high & dry times, great times"

"You miss it?"

"Sometimes, yeah. Can we not talk about this, it's making me miss it, makes me tempted?!"

"Sure"

I head to the bathroom, lock the door behind me, line up some cocaine. Snort the lines, crave heroin. Find my heroin, melt it down, inject it. Blood tracks up and down my arm, blood on the sink and the wall mirror. Drink down some alcohol, rum today. Before I know it, I've been in there for nearly an hour. Knock on the door.

"Zoe, you okay in there?" Kim asks from the other side of the door

"I'm fine, no need to worry about me today"

"Can you pass out a towel?"

"Sure" I answer and hide up my supplies again, wash the blood off my arms, mirror and sink. I grab a towel and open the door. "Here" I say and hand her the towel

"Thanks" she says and stares at me, scanning my face, arms and hands.

I can't stop grinning, I'm convinced that she knows, my glazed over eyes, they're red, my grin, the grin that says I'm high as a kite, completely high and dry, my arms... My left forearm mainly... Like a pin cushion, fresh pin holes, the freshest hole starts to trickle blood again.

"What have you been doing in there? Cocaine? Heroin? Pot?"

"Nothing. And if I was doing pot, you would be able to smell it. Plus, you know I hate pot" I answer, slurred words, still grinning

"I'm fucking serious"

"I know"

She looks down at my left forearm, sees a now line of blood. "Why do you have blood running down your arm? What have you been shooting?"

"You really don't want to know"

"You're a lying bitch"

Knock at the front door.

"I suggest you stop that blood running down your arm. Here, here's a towel" she says with anger throughout her words, throwing me the towel before going to answer the door

I close the bathroom door again and go back to the sink to try the stop the blood running. I notice a bit of powdered cocaine left where I was snorting it before. I snort the remains up.

"Zoe here?"

"Hi Jay, surprised to see you today. Well her body is but not her mind"

"What?"

"She's in the bathroom"

Couple little knocks at the bathroom door and it opens. I've just finished clearing up the cocaine when the door opens completely.

"What are you doing?"

"Hey, I could ask you the same thing"

"I asked you first"

"Before I answer, can you get me the bandages out from the kit in the cupboard?"

He does and hands me the roll of bandages.

"Thanks" I say and bandage my left forearm

"Sure. Anyway, what were you doing? Why are you bandaging your arm? Why is there white powder on your nose?" He asks, anger in his voice before piecing the puzzle together. "They were right, everything they told me was right, you are on drugs, I decided not to believe it, and now I see"

"Why did you decide not to believe it?"

"Because I love you, I thought I knew you better than I know myself, what else are you hiding from me?"

"Hiding from you, I was hiding this from the whole fucking world, I've become a professional at it until now. What have you been hiding from me?"

"Not a fucking thing"

"Then why have I been told that you've been looking at places here in Tennessee?"

"Who told you that?"

"A little bird told me"

"You shouldn't believe everything a little bird tells you"

"Have you been looking?"

"Yeah, I have"

"Why? You should know you're always welcome here"

"Because I love you, I was looking for a place for us, just us"

"Just us? Just us?"

By now we have stormed through to the living room, yelling at each other, our faces turning red.

"Yeah, but now I'm thinking this was a mistake"

"What's a mistake? Looking for a place without telling me when you want to include me in the final plan? It would be great to here this shit from you first, but no, I hear it from him first" I yell, pointing at Chris who's on the sofa watching it all, not taking my eyes off Jay

"And I would much rather hear about you taking drugs from you first and not through everyone else"

"Do you want to know what I'm currently doing? I'm more than happy right now to tell you and the rest of the world right now, heck I could tell you the whole fucking story"

"Yes"

"The stuff you walked in on me, that was coke, what makes my arms look like pin cushions and trails of blood is dope and speedballs. Speedballs is the mix of the two, its the easiest way to get the two different feelings of highs in one. I'm also an alcoholic and a smoker. I've been to rehab 3 or 4 times in my life, jail or prison 6 times, 4 of which were drug related. In fact, since being with you, I've been to rehab and spent a night behind bars. I have tried every drug under the sun, and hated most of them"

"You have a criminal record?"

"Yeah, I do, and to be completely honest with you, since that's what I'm doing right now, I have zero doubt that that record will be added to some more in my life"

"How can you say that?"

"I have a hunch!"

We continue to argue and fight for another couple of hours. It got to the point where we forgot what we were fighting about in the first place, and found little silly things to fight about.

"I'm leaving" he yells heading for the front door

"Yeah, leave, it's what you do best" I yell at him, heading to the alcohol cupboard in the kitchen

"Well what are you doing?"

"Having a fucking drink"

"Yeah, what you do best!" He yells back.

I pick up some empty bottles and throw them at him as he walks out and slams the door behind him. The bottles smash against the wall next to the door and on the door.


	72. Speaking of the Devil

"Are you guys alright?" Chris asks as I lineup some cocaine and heroin on the coffee table

"Who?"

"You and Jay"

"Yeah, totally"

"You sure? That was quite a yelling you had at each other"

"It was ay!" I say and snort up a couple of lines

He laughs slightly and shakes his head in disappointment. "How can you do that?"

"Easily, but the brownstone does hurt the nose" I reply and gulp down some vodka

"But why?"

"It shouldn't be snorted, coke is good for that, I just can't be fucked melting it down or smoking it for my speedball"

"No, why do you take it?"

"I'm an addict, I like being high, that simple"

"Really?"

"Yeah. You ever been high?"

"Nope, I get my rush from performing"

"Ok then, let me tell you a little something about being a drug addict... We are constantly looking for the rush we got when we first were high, because it was the most purist, spectacular high ever, but we're never going to reach it again, we get close but never get it"

"You been close?"

"Yeah, god that was some good shit! Number 69, Germany"

"So what is the first high actually like?"

"You want to try some & experience it?"

"No!"

"I guess you could compare it to your first match or first gig"

"I was as nervous as fuck for both of those"

"At first right?"

"Yeah, but once I got started it was an amazing rush"

"That's basically it. Just you see stuff on this. I've tried every drug under the sun looking for the first high experience again. Have you experienced the feeling of that first rush since?"

"Yeah"

"Really? I don't think you have"

"Yeah... Well..." He stops and thinks. "No"

"Told ya!" I say, smile at him and do another couple of lines

"Wait... When when you in Germany?"

"For Octoberfest 2000, it was a business trip, I spent the whole time there high and drunk with Adler, he's such a sweet boy"

"Adler?"

"Yeah, Guns N Roses old drummer. Wonder what he's doing now"

"So he's still alive?"

"Unless he's died in the past few months, yeah. Saw him again in rehab, but he's back on the stuff"

"How'd you meet him?"

"Hole in the wall in Germany, best drugs there, menus of them, it's where I tasted 69, god that was the one"

My phone rings, caller ID says "Adler's dick". I do another line and another gulp of vodka.

"Speaking of the devil" I say and answer the phone


	73. Ex-Squeeze Me? Baking Powder?

"Hello" I answer

"Hey pussy" Adler says on the other end of the phone

"Hey dick, you alright?"

"Uhh not really. You live in Tennessee right?"

"Yeah"

"I need a place to crash"

"Well where are you?"

"Somewhere on Tennessee, Knoxville I think"

"That don't help, what's around?"

"Park, pubs, drug dealers"

"Think I know where you are. Stay there, I'll be there in a bit"

"Thanks pussy"

I hang up

"I'll be back in a bit?" I tell Chris and grab my keys

"Where you going?"

"Pick up dick"

"Dick?"

"I meant Adler"

"Can I come?"

"If you want" I reply and grab a small supply of my drugs and the vodka bottle

"You really taking those?" Chris asks

"Might need them"

About half an hour later, with Chris falling fast asleep in the passengers seat, I find dick... I mean, Adler.

"Oi, dick" I yell out to him from the drivers window of my ute

He runs over, in the nude, holding his sack. "Hey pussy"

"Why are you naked?"

"Didn't have any cash, they like my clothes, so yeah"

"And they liked your underwear too?"

"Yes, that too. Who's that guy? Boyfriend?"

"No, no, no, no... No. He's Chris, one of my mates"

"One of us?"

"No, but he does have a band"

"Halfway there then"

"Basically yeah. You don't look well"

"I don't feel great! So, can I crash?"

"Sure, hop in, I'll get Chris to go in the back" I answer. "Oi, Chris! Hop out, get in the back"

"Huh? What? We find him?" Chris wakens

"Yeah, but he's gonna be sitting there, so out"

"Ok" he says and gets out the car, hopping into the back tray, before going back to sleep

"Thanks, is it cold out" Adler thanks as he gets in

"No problem"

He smiles and passes out.

We get back to my place and Chris falls straight onto the sofa, fast asleep. Kim wakes up, hearing the door slamming and people walking in, seeing Adler as soon as she steps out her room.

"Oh... Naked man" she says, half asleep

"Hi" Adler greets

"I'll see if I can find you some underwear" I tell him. "Oh, Kim, Steven, Steven, Kim"

He smiles, still holding his sack. "Where's your bathroom?"

"Turn around, down the hall, first door on the right" I tell him then head to the living room to snort up the lines I left set on the coffee table

He goes to the bathroom to do whatever business it is.

Kim comes into the living room. "Do you actually know this one?"

I take a big mouthful of vodka. "Yeah, met him over in Germany, saw him again in rehab, he's going to be crashing here for a bit"

"We're not running a hotel! How many can actually crash here?"

"I don't know, we'll probably find out" I reply and smile. "I gotta find him something to wear" I remind myself and head to my room. "Kim, go back to bed"

"Fine" she agrees and goes back to sleep

"Found me any?" Adler asks coming out of the bathroom

"Now going to look, come!"

We get to my bedroom and I begin looking for some underwear for him.

"Here, try this, it's shit" he says, handing me a joint of pot

I take a puff and cough. "Oh, that is, even for pot!" I claim, handing the joint back to him

"You don't like pot, do you?"

"It's not my drug of choice" I reply and find a pair of underwear, probably left by Jay a couple weeks back. "Here, these will do for now" I say and hand them to him

He puts them on. "Who's are they?"

"Probably Jay's"

"Who's Jay? Boyfriend?"

"Yeah, actually, he is, I think"

"You think? Since when do you look for or have a boyfriend?" He asks, laughing slightly

"We had a big fight earlier, don't want to talk about it. Since I got bored of looking for a different dick every other night"

"These are tight, you've declined in size"

"I know!" I say and look at him. "Oh, wow those are tight!"

"Yeah!"

"I'm going to sleep" I tell him and collapse my head on my pillow

"Night then"

4am the next morning, there's a loud knock at the front door. I get up, see Adler is next to me in bed, I look down at myself, still fully clothed. I answer the door.

"Can we talk?" Jay asks, standing on the other side of the door

"I'm not in the mood for talking at 4 in the morning."

"Then listen"

"I don't do that at 4 in the morning either. I've got work once the sun comes up. Can it wait?"

"No it can't"

"I'm sure it can"

"No it can't"

"Talk then, make it quick"

"Marry me"

"What? Ex-squeeze me? Baking powder?"

"Marry me"

"Oh, so you did say that"

"Seriously, marry me"

"No, not now" I finish and close the door.

"Who was that?" Adler asks, still asleep, as I get back into bed

"Jay"

"Boyfriend Jay?"

"Yeah, that one"

"What did he want?"

"Nothing. Go back to sleep"

"Ok" he finishes, rolls over & drapes his arm across my body


	74. I Used to Love Him But I Had to Kill Him

6:30am my alarm goes off. Adler moans and rolls over, taking his arm off me. I wake up and turn off the alarm, look down at myself, still fully clothed.

"Why are you getting up this early?" Adler asks, still asleep

"Got to get ready for work" I reply, lighting up a brownstone joint

"Why?"

"Need money, especially if I want to keep with my doctor"

"Which you do"

"Yes I do"

"Hey Zoe"

"Yeah Stevie"

"Thanks for letting me crash here"

"No problem" I reply and finish my joint. I grab some money out of my purse and give it to him. "Here, get some fitting underwear and other bits"

He smiles. "Thanks. Hey, do you know where I can get some good pot around here?"

"I don't know about pot, but my dealer is pretty good, knows his stuff"

"Where can I find him?"

"Look, I need to get some things from him today, want me to get you some pot when I get my stuff?"

"Yes please"

"Be at my office at 1 to get it... I'm basically free around that time"

"I'll be there, thanks Zoe"

"I'll see you later" I finish and start to get ready for work

As I step out of my place to get to work, I just about trip over Jay's legs.

"Really Jay? Really?" I say, wanting to get to work

"Can we talk now?"

"I have to get to work"

"It's 4 in the morning was a better excuse"

"What's there to talk about?"

"Everything"

"Then talk, I don't have anything to say I didn't say yesterday"

"We didn't talk yesterday, we yelled & screamed at each other"

"It's not my fault that you didn't get everything off your chest yesterday"

"Look, I sorry!"

"Jay, I don't have time for this, I'm already running late"

"But Zoe, please!"

"But Jay!"

"I love you, and lately it's like you don't love me. Do you love me?"

"Of course I fucking love you, I wouldn't be with you if I didn't, trust me on that! Now, I have to get to work." I finish and get to my car to go to work

"You must be Jay" Adler greets, seeing me leave

"Yeah I am" Jay confirms him

At around 1pm, Adler stops by for his pot. We get high together before he leaves back to my place.

Later that day, Jay comes up to my office.

"It's time we talked now" he says and closes the door

"I don't want to"

"Why's that?"

"Because you think a stupid romantic gesture can fix any problem we may get" I yell at Jay

"So me proposing to you this morning was a stupid romantic gesture?"

"Yeah, it was"

"Really? Well sorry for actually wanting to spend the rest of my life with you"

"Seriously, it's the things like that that drive me insane! That make me want to cut off your head, put it in a bag and bury it in someone's garden. Things you do make me love you and hate you"

"And you don't think there are things that you do that make me love and hate you?!"

"I know there are things, a lot of things"

"I hate the fact you are a drug addict, the fact you have a has-been rock star smoking pot in your bedroom drives me nuts, and why was he wearing my underwear?"

"He wanted some pot but didn't have any money so the dealers stripped him naked"

"They don't even fit him"

"I do know that. Oh, and if I wasn't high and drunk, I would've never told you I love you, not to mention I was still passed out in my mind"

"Really? Do you love me, for real, now?"

"Right now, in this moment, not really."

He walks out and slams the door behind him

"I used to love him, but I had to kill him" I sing to myself and get back to work.


	75. Just A Four Letter Word

Love is just a crazy four letter word that people think the world of, the three simple words of I love you can and will change your whole world, the other persons reaction to those three words can break you down into rubble or shoot you to cloud nine to where everybody looks like dots. Love, its just a four letter word. It's when substitutes like drugs come into it, that's when it all turns on you. Drugs make everybody turn against you, nobody loves you when you're on drugs, they hate you and hate isn't just a four letter word, hate is a real thing and it will end up killing you inside more than drugs or love will ever do. More hate leads to more drugs which leads to even more hate and in the end there's no love, love becomes just that four letter word that you used to think the world of. Soon there will no such thing as that word, the word of love, hate and drugs will take over the world. It's as simple as that. The three simple words will never be said again.

"Hey guys" I greet as I walk into the living room of my apartment after work

"Hey Zoe" they respond

"Oh good, you did get some underwear" I say, motioning to Steve

"Yeah, thanks for the cash for them" he replies, smoking a joint of pot

"I'm so sorry" Kim sadly tells me and hugs me

"About what? Why are you hugging me?" I ask

"I heard what happened" she answers, stops hugging me

"Thank you. What happened?" I ask, gulping down some Jacks

"With Jay, you guys broke up"

I spit out all the Jacks in my mouth in shock. "WHAT?"

"That's what I heard"

"This is the first I'm hearing of it, who told you?"

Chris walks 'casually' out of the room.

"A little birdie told me"

I hear the door slam and see Chris run past the window. "CHRIS!" I yell and run out the door with the bottle of Jacks, half empty, in hand

Chris is in the carpark below by now. "Check your messages Zoe, it's all there"

"Chris, stay out of it, seriously!"

"Zoe, check your messages, I got back from rehearsals & it's all there"

"Fine" I finish, swig down some more Jacks before chucking the bottle (with still some in there) at Chris... who dodges it... and walk back inside

"Zoe, it's Jay, umm, this isn't going to work, we are too different, wanting to much different things out of life. I love you but it's over." The message plays

"Oh fucking hell!" I say to myself, injecting myself with a speedball in the kitchen

"Told you so" Chris rubs it in, grabbing a snack from the fridge

"Oh must you do that in here, I cook in here" Kim complains

"So do I" I reply referring to the cooking of my drugs in the spoon

"I cook food that we all eat"

"Yeah Zoe, that is disgusting"

"It's my place, I'll do what I want, who I want, where I want, how I want, when I want"

Speaking of who I want, I had sex that night, even though the break up was only a few hours before. Got high and drunk, Steve was there, also high and drunk, only wearing underwear... Think you are smart enough to put even that little puzzle together.

It's just a crazy four letter word.

I wake up the next day, sleeping through my alarm, massive hangover, and naked. I look beside me and see a sound Adler. I turn my head the other way, see my clock, 12:30pm. No point in going to work now, over half the day gone. I look over at Adler again, completely nude. He moans and rolls over onto his front, ass bear in the air. I begin to shake, I need my fix. Bedside cabinet, safe me now. Hurts to move head, I ain't snorting this morning, shaking too much to cook it… smoke it is. I take a puff, the shaking slows down, another few puffs and I'm where I like to be. He moans again, this time waking up a bit.

"What happened last night?" he asks

"I don't remember, but the aftermath reveals" I reply, finishing my joint

He looks down at himself then at me. "Oh"

"Yeah"


	76. Live And Let Die

Let's fast forward a few months!

So yeah, I'm back here, alone, everyone just leaves and I end up getting high off my head. Why does it always come to this? Thought I was over that repeated phrase of my life. Obviously not! I really can't take this anymore. It's too hard on me, so today I'm finally through, time for something new.

In the closet, high and lonely and dry, tears running down my numb face, gun in my hand. Placing the pistol inside my mouth, ready to pull the trigger and stop this pain, this phrase of my life, end it all for once and for all. I black out, pass out before I could finish it, passed out in my closet, the gun falls from my mouth, my hand and onto the floor. I'm out.

I awaken at what feels like months later. My phone is flashing with missed calls and text messages. There's banging on the door and screams, screaming my name. Turn away, stop knocking, turn away, stop knocking, please turn away, stop knocking… can't you tell there's nobody home. Please, just leave me here to die. I can't even get up, even if I wanted you to come in. I can't move, all except my head, that's as much as I can move. The date on my phone tells me I've only been out for a week, it's only a week since the last thing I recall, but its feels like months. Fuck I need a drink.

"Zoe, open up, I know you're in there, let me in, I'm not doing the gig alone, he won't accept that" the person at the door screams

The front door busts open, so much for those new extra locks I had installed that only came with one key.

I hear someone running frantically around the place, knocking in doors, looking in every room. I don't want to be found. He's yelling at the top of his lungs, I can't work out who it is or what they're saying, all I can hear is static. He slams his way into my room and sees all the needles, drugs, alcohol, empty bottles. I realize my hand and gun are outside the closet door, in his sight.

"Oh shit!" he says to himself when he sees the gun and my numb hand, fearing only the worst… in his eyes that is.

He opens the closet door properly, I just lay there, looking up at him, Joe, and smiling. A smile is the only movement I can make with my lips, my mouth, my face. I can't say a word, it's just a smile.

"Fucking hell Zoe, are you really that messed up in the head?" he rhetorically asks… at least I hope it was rhetorical.

I still can't move anything below my neck. I am completely and utterly numb. He just stands there, looking down at me, not knowing what is going on or what to do next.

"Can you help me up?" I ask, making little sound now, but not quite words, just sounds that are like words.

He continues to look down at me, putting the sounds together to make some sort of sense. He grabs my arms, I can't feel his hands on my arms, and pulls me up. He leans me, standing, against the wall. Pins and needles in the soles of my feet, at least I can feel myself standing. I smile again at him as I look around at my room, seeing the destruction of used needles and empty bottles, everywhere. He sighs and put me over his shoulder, carries me to the kitchen, where I have water forced down my throat as I try not to choke and throw up. My attempt not to throw up the nothingness in my body fails, stomach acid and water comes up and I collapse onto him. Please just leave me to die now.

"Finally, I can get in" Kim says running through the door frame

"Yeah, I busted it in" Joe tells her, putting me on the sofa

"I haven't been able to get in for nearly two weeks" she exclaims

"Why?"

"She got a new lock for the door, didn't give me a key for it"

"Bitch"

"Yeah"

I wake up and sit up. "Hey Kim, where you been?" I ask, holding my head

"Fuck off" she says and goes to her room.

"I'm hungry" I say

"Would you be able to keep down food? You did throw up water!" Joe asks

"Oh please! Really?"

"Yeah… I'm going to call Patrick and cancel todays show"

"No! Don't! I want to play"

"I thought you were dead when I found you today"

"Please" I beg then cough violently, watching him leave and I pass out on the sofa.


	77. They got me again

I wake up the next day, or at least that's what I was told. Feeling empty inside and out, I decide to finally try to eat something. Haven't eaten in a long time, that's what it feels like, nothing in me but stomach acid and even running out of that. Can that even happen? Food goes down, comes back up, I eat something else, stays down.

"You keep doing this to yourself, one day it's going to kill you" Kim tells me

"That day still hasn't come, not my time to go apparently" I faintly say, forcing words out of me

"Doesn't the thought of dying scare you enough to stop, it's a scary thing to everyone, the thought of leaving this world"

"I'm curious about the unknown of it"

"You won't be around to really see it and be able to satisfy your so called curiosity"

"Yeah I will, and I'll haunt you when I am"

"You're haunting me now"

"Oh ha ha" I laugh off before pouring myself a drink

"No, no more drinking alcohol in this apartment" Kim yells and hits the glass out of my hand, it smashes on the tiled flooring.

"Fine, I won't drink anymore"

"Really?"

"Yeah, really!" I finish and grab my keys, money and guitar.

"Where are you going?"

"Can't you tell? Going to the pub to play music with Joe"

"Joe won't be there"

"I'll busk outside there then" I finish, slamming the front door behind me

As I get to the pub, I see Joe busking in his old spot, where he would be every weekend.

"What are you doing here?" he asks when I arrived

"Same reason you are, to play music. Why aren't you in the pub?"

"Patrick only wants a duo, not a solo act"

"Does he have someone playing in there now?"

"No"

"Let's go then"

"I don't want to, not with you"

"Oh come on! You know we love playing music, especially for that pub, the place that gave us a break. Playing music is the only thing in my life really keeping me alive right now. If we stop now, we won't get anywhere with this music dream"

"Damn you're persuasive" he laughs and picks up his guitar. "Come on then"

We enter the pub and Mark runs up to us.

"Thank god you're here, where have you been?" Mark asks in panic

"Well, your dad wants a duo act, and we haven't played together in the past few weeks because stuff has happened" I explain

"What kind of stuff? Stuff that would jeopardise the band?" Mark asks, still panicking

"What band?" Joe says

"You guys. You would want to get a band together at some point with me as your bassist… right?!"

"The stuff that's happened shouldn't jeopardise the so called band" I say

"Well it might" Joe states

"No, because that is behind me now and that is done with. Now can we please play some music" I finish

We play some music and Joe leaves for home.

"So what really happened?" Mark asks as I drink a Scotch on the Rocks.

"Personal shit, you really don't want to hear about it"

"Ok then, how about we talk about something else?"

"Sure, like what?"

"Is a band going to be started? You guys are great together, it would be silly not to make something more of it"

"I would love to, but can't really say, it's a collective decision"

"Well I think you should"

"Only because you want to be part of it" I say and finish my drink. "We'll think about it ok. See you next week"

"Bye"

I walk out with my guitar in hand and drive home.

"Zoe, you're going back to rehab" Kim says

"Oh, but I don't want to" I complain, lighting up a joint

"Zoe, there won't be any more playing music with me unless you go to rehab and finally clean yourself up" Joe tells me

"What are you doing here?" I ask Joe, taking a quick puff from my joint

"Looking out for you"

"Well don't, I'm not going to rehab"

"Yes you are" Kim yells

"No I'm not, this is my life and I live it by my rules, and I'm not going to rehab" I yell and complain, before walking out, slamming the front door behind me.

I get into my car and start to speed down the highway. Within a matter of what felt like minutes, a car is speeding up behind me, red and blue lights flashing on the dashboard. I pull over.

"Zoe Clarke, right?" the 'cop' asks

"Yeah, what seems to be the problem?"

"Can you please step out of the car? We're taking you in"

"In where? You're not a real cop, that's not even the proper cop car"

He shows me his badge

"Oh, okay then. Can you tell me why?"

"Well, you were going 30miles over the legal limit, you have a suspected illegal drug hanging out of your mouth, not to mention the escape from the rehabilitation facility"

"Rehab, I haven't escaped any rehab place"

"According to this report you have. I'm taking you back there now, plus a $5000 fine"

"Great, fucking perfect" I say to myself as I step out of my car and have the handcuffs placed on me

The cop drives me to the airport and more cops escort me to a plane. I honestly have no idea where I'm going, but LA will be fun again. Once landed, the cops escort me to another cop car which takes me to the rehab facility.

"Recognise this place Miss Clarke?" a cop asks me

"Nope, where am I?"

"In the best rehab facility in Chicago"

"Chicago? Fucking Chicago? Really? I'm going to rehab, in Chicago? Bullshit!"

I'm taken to a nothing but white room and put into a strait jacket.

"Now I remember, except I wasn't in Chicago!" I yell as the nurses close the door. Why do they put these sort of rooms in these places, it makes you feel like you're in a mental house.


	78. Chicago Mad House

Hungry, got the munchies. Didn't eat any plane food. I would have liked to but I wasn't allowed, cops stole it all. Fucking starving now. I stand up and head to where I remember the door was.

"Hello? I'm fucking hungry, when's my food coming? Or you just going to let me starve to death?" I yell before sitting back down on the padded floor. "Fuck-wits"

I sleep for I don't know how long, it couldn't have been very long. All I could hear was my stomach, the devil on my shoulder and my imagination inside my head. Waking up. "This isn't a rehab, this is a mad house!"

I look towards the door and there's a tray.

"FOOD!" I scream and open the tray with my teeth as I'm still in the strait jacket. "Packaged food, like plane food. Good enough" I say and scoff it down.

A while later, not sure how long later, a knock at the door. The door opens and one of the nurses walks in.

"Visitor" she says

"Who the fuck would want to visit me here?" I reply, slowly figuring out how to get out of the strait jacket.

The nurse walks out and Sera and Phil walk in.

"You're fucking kidding me" I say

"Hi crazy" Sera greets

"And this is one of the many reasons why I don't do drugs" Phil exclaims

"Really?" I say to Phil. Why did I ever have to set them up?

"I said, Hi Crazy!" Sera screams at me

"Oh, hi screaming bitch, how you doing?"

"Fine, engaged now, see" she answers, shoving a shiny ring in my face

"Great, congratulations. When's the wedding? Hope it's after I get out of this mad house"

"It's rehab, not a mad house"

"They put me in a strait jacket as soon as I got here. In rehab, they get to know you for a bit before doing that"

"Oh. Yeah, you're in the actual mad house, not rehab" Phil explains

"Knew it"

"Rehab is down the road"

"Great"

"Yeah, I'm going to wait in the waiting room for you" Phil tells Sera and head out the door

"Ok. And of course it will be once you're out of here. You are the ones that got us together, wouldn't have the wedding without you"

"Good"

"Why did you do this to yourself again? I heard you had the life, living the dream. All down the drain now isn't it"

"No, the dream will stay alive. This here is a nightmare. Why am I in Chicago in all places?"

"Because when I got the call that you were destroying your life again, I booked you in"

"The cops said I escaped. How is that possible if this is the first time I have ever been here?" I scream and complain to her.

"Because you were here, passed out. You don't remember it because the drugs they injected you with"

"Bollocks"

"I'm check in on you in a couple of weeks, will tell you more of the story then"

She leaves, leaving me wondering. Another blackout scenario. Great! Just what I needed on this mental asylum.

"Think she'll be okay?" Phil asks as they leave through the guarded revolving doors.

"She never has been" Sera replies without hesitation.


End file.
